lolpants
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 32
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Post by lolpants on Mar 11, 2018 12:11:09 GMT
Hey guys,
Would you feel comfortable to step into a relationship with a girl that is :
Beautiful
Smart
Kind
loves to be sexual
willing to invest
patient
.....list goes on
BUT
Had sex with a guy who had a GF AND was also sleeping in the same bed at the time they had sneaky sex.
Had a threesome
Cheated on an ex-boyfriend ( 'wasn't a serious relationship' is what she used as an excuse )
Fucked the brother of her first boyfriend ( whilest they weren't together anymore)
(this all happend a few years back when she was just a teenager, 16y to 19y)
I'm no saint myself...but this really bothers me, and I'm not sure if I'm being a little child about it or this could potential be a red flag.
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 11, 2018 16:25:22 GMT
Sure why not?
Look, nobody has a perfectly clean past, nobody escapes the bumps, scrapes and bruises incurred by life's lessons. Presuming she's learned and grown from her previous experiences I see no reason why she can't make a good partner.
People make mistakes, if she's grown past them I see no reason for concern. How long have you known this girl?
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Post by JackZero on Mar 11, 2018 16:29:43 GMT
Had sex with a guy who had a GF AND was also sleeping in the same bed at the time they had sneaky sex.
Had a threesome
Cheated on an ex-boyfriend ( 'wasn't a serious relationship' is what she used as an excuse )
Fucked the brother of her first boyfriend ( whilest they weren't together anymore)
(this all happend a few years back when she was just a teenager, 16y to 19y)
I'm only going to really address the one issue that stands out to me and even that one, IMO, isn't that serious. She cheated on an ex-boyfriend but used the excuse that the relationship wasn't serious. I don't think that this is something for you to concern yourself with because ALL women are capable of cheating. I think her justification is bullshit and if you were to get into a relationship with her what would she do if one day she woke up and decided that the relationship was no longer serious? The other stuff is her past. All women have a past and most of them won't share it because of the fear of judgement. If you didn't know about any of this stuff you wouldn't be concerned even though she still had those experiences. |
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Post by R.C on Mar 12, 2018 7:45:35 GMT
Red flags are persistent through her present behavior, not past.
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 12, 2018 9:20:15 GMT
You can frame it another way, most people sanitize their past to come off as trust worthy when the reality is they're providing a rendition of the truth to look good.
The fact this girl is sharing her story, warts and all may actually speak positive to her wanting change and fostering transparency in her relationships.
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lolpants
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 32
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Post by lolpants on Mar 13, 2018 19:15:07 GMT
I can honestly say that your visions to look at this situation are more mature and logical ones.
I'm a mature person in most aspects of my life but I still feel like I act & judge in a childish or immature way when it comes down to women.
I have to find the root of this problem,because being 29y old doesn't justify my insecure feels about her or any other women.
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lolpants
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 32
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Post by lolpants on Mar 15, 2018 15:35:20 GMT
I gave it some days to think about and reflect on it...but I have a moral problem why. I sounds very hypocritical because I mind her doing these stuff but I wouldn't have a problem when it was the other way around.
Maybe I have this picture perfect idea of a partner in my head so when she doesn't fit I subconsciously reject her or the idea of having a relationship.
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Post by R.C on Mar 15, 2018 16:37:15 GMT
I think you're being fearful of ending up on the receiving end. Your choice, but at least call it what it is.
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Post by thelovedr on Mar 16, 2018 16:53:20 GMT
I think you're good man. I don't think you need to worry. You should worry about her present behavior, as others have said. I mean, to contradict someone else's point, it's totally understandable to cheat on someone if they are not taking care of you. I mean, preferably you would just dump them and be up front, but people do this shit all the time, especially women. Women are afraid to jump to the next and leave their current tree(men) before the next tree is stable to jump on. I'd say it's both parties fault, but it's up to you to judge her. I would just tell her to be up front with you as much as possible, and no matter what it is, if she feels you are not giving her what she wants, that she communicate it and be up front. Especially with a girl like her who admittedly communicated that she has cheated on her ex. Usually women don't disclose shit like that but she does seem a little bit of a wild child, but then again, those girls are the best to have sex with. I'd just make sure to have open and authentic communication as much as possible. If you can have that with her, I wouldn't worry about a thing. The past is the past, and people, at the end of the day, are primates, and we do wild and crazy shit, and her shit isn't even that crazy. Date her, enjoy her, and have a great time. It's not like you're getting married. And honestly, it sounds like you're the kinda guy who has to have the perfect girl. Give that up. Enjoy what you get. And be appreciative, there's so many guys who can't even get laid or can only get laid by the most hideous fat wildebeests. You should be happy this girl who is smart, beautiful, etc wants you. Enjoy her and have fun. If it comes time to end it, then end it, but until then, enjoy the ride and stop worrying about the past.
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 16, 2018 17:04:48 GMT
LoveDr it almost sounds like you're asking him to compromise who he is/his values and pedestalize this "wild child". At least that's what I got from your post.
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Post by neo87 on Mar 16, 2018 22:52:01 GMT
As the others say the past is the past...who is she in the present? How does she feel about these things? Has she grown? If she has done these things and still has that mentality then she's the same chick. If you don't know if she's grown, then dont think relationship.
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Post by thelovedr on Mar 20, 2018 22:37:06 GMT
LoveDr it almost sounds like you're asking him to compromise who he is/his values and pedestalize this "wild child". At least that's what I got from your post. I'm not sure where you got that from. He was asking for an opinion and I gave mine. It's up to him to figure out which works best for him.We both actually advised him that it really wasn't a big deal, but I clearly mentioned that it's "up to you to judge her". Me mentioning that he should be greatful an awesome women wants him the has all those attributes is NOT putting her on a pedestal. When did I mention that he should get on his knees and kiss her ass? Just because your appreciative of something or someone doesn't mean you turn into a bitch. Homeboy came off really perfectionist, like he had to have the perfect girl, and the reality is there is no perfect girl. It's not about sacrificing your morals or standards, but about being appreciative. If after being appreciative, you realize she's not the right one for you so be it. You have to go for the girl that's right for you obviously, but being a perfectionist doesn't work. |
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 21, 2018 4:08:44 GMT
Appreciating is fine just so long as she's done something to deserve it rather than just being a beautiful girl. Its possible I misunderstood your post.
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lolpants
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 32
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Post by lolpants on Oct 23, 2018 17:14:53 GMT
So ...we're 9 months into this relationship with this girl and this week I had a massive fallback about the issue described in the top post.
I'm constantly questioning her morality about the actions she did in the past. I know I shouldn't care but it's tearing me apart for some reason.
She hasn't given me any reason to doubt her, in fact I have given her more reasons to distrust or doubt me.
Honestly I don't know whats going on.
I don't know if this is a deep insecurity or rather a moral thing.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Oct 23, 2018 18:41:19 GMT
It's a huge insecurity thing.
Every time she walks out that door you convince yourself she's has six dicks in her ten minutes later.
It's a very common insecurity called the Madonna-Whore Complex.
She's the ideal fuck machine. We all lust for a sexual and beautiful woman but you will never respect her as "wife" or relationship material and in the back of your mind will never trust her. All because she did EXACTLY what you wanted.
You will eventually give in to theses insecurities look for a "good girl" to marry, probably a woman who is boring sexually but, for example, is good at "wifely" domestic things: cooking, cleaning, homemaking in general, looks good on the cover, would probably give you 2.5 offspring.
But she's the one all your daydreams will fall back to one day.
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