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Post by curtis72 on Oct 22, 2020 14:59:31 GMT
Had a strange encounter. I met a girl on Tinder, we started talking and flirting. We eventually get to the drinks date a few days later and the two times I touch her (with the aim of escalating), she leaves for the toilet - she faffs on her phone a bit. Eventually after 45 minutes she makes her get out plan and leaves. I try making a move on her because habit on first dates and she rejects me.
I text her after date saying “Good luck hope you find what you’re looking for”. And she sends me
“Hey, I’m very sort I left quickly, if I’m totally honest the whole date thing totally freaks me out. I can’t explain why. I know you thought I was really confident, but I’m really not!“ She further said it was lovely to meet me and I put her at ease (idk why she said this) and getting close can take a bit longer for her. I’ve not responded as I’m a bit confused, is this a fancy way of friendzoning me, is she a time waster or something else? In my experience if a woman won’t kiss on first date I won’t bother. What are your thoughts?
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Oct 22, 2020 17:32:55 GMT
She realized this was moving to the DTF stage and wasn't prepared (Haven't shaved her legs, Aunt Flow was in town. )
Continue flirting. Proceed to next date.
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Post by JackZero on Oct 22, 2020 18:33:06 GMT
Hmmm...I think the best route is continue flirting, like Heywood said. This girl, on the other hand, I would have asked her what she's trying to say. I'm not a fan of "on the fence" girls. I would rather have the girls that would risk trespassing(metaphorically) in order to get me. It's a personal choice.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 22, 2020 20:26:18 GMT
she might have just gotten out of a relationship, or struggling with an old one. Tough to say.
Question is it even worth your time, let alone analyzing someone who's clearly not ready.
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chef89
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 308
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Post by chef89 on Oct 23, 2020 8:41:29 GMT
Some valuable remarks here. I would try to dig a bit deeper as to why she did that as it gives you more of an idea where it's coming from.
At the same time I would continue the flirting but also would not invest that much time in her unless she is still really enthusiastic.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Oct 23, 2020 13:38:39 GMT
Possible reason #1. Lady troubles.
Possible reason #2. You were my excuse to get a free meal and a night away from my house full of cats, but I just got a better date offer from the guy at the gym who bench presses 300 pounds, so sorry bye. The easiest excuse in the book. If a girl really likes you, she is not going to cancel on you last minute unless she has Covid-19, Started hemorrhaging her uterus, or has the opportunity to meet Jason Momoa.
The smoke screen.
If you keep getting offers to meet him or her during other times of the week, then it's probably #1.
If not, it's reason #2, a brush off—and your self-esteem is begging you to move on.
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Post by curtis72 on Oct 23, 2020 16:21:31 GMT
Possible reason #1. Lady troubles. Possible reason #2. You were my excuse to get a free meal and a night away from my house full of cats, but I just got a better date offer from the guy at the gym who bench presses 300 pounds, so sorry bye. The easiest excuse in the book. If a girl really likes you, she is not going to cancel on you last minute unless she has Covid-19, Started hemorrhaging her uterus, or has the opportunity to meet Jason Momoa. The smoke screen. If you keep getting offers to meet him or her during other times of the week, then it's probably #1. If not, it's reason #2, a brush off—and your self-esteem is begging you to move on. Thanks for the replies everyone. I don't think it was problems with her cunt, it was that she only went to the bog when I touched her. I followed what Jack said and she's offered a reschedule, I've agreed. If she doesn't shag me or whatever, I plan to next her. She came out with it taking longer to get closer in person cos of bad experience with guys and not meeting anyone online b4
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 23, 2020 23:43:03 GMT
What was the interaction / vibe like? All you’ve told us is how you tried touching her.
Was it boring / dry?
Was she engaged, giggling, smiling?
You haven’t really given any useful info.
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Post by curtis72 on Oct 24, 2020 0:24:20 GMT
What was the interaction / vibe like? All you’ve told us is how you tried touching her. Was it boring / dry? Was she engaged, giggling, smiling? You haven’t really given any useful info. It was boring initially, I'd say it was tad awkward initially but got better eventually - but she'd keep faffing on her phone or leave to the toilet when the conversation was building anywhere. She was engaged and giggling, but she was continuously playing with her hair - almost obsessively, like a very odd amount. We talked a bit about ourselves and our jobs, family and that stuff.
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Post by curtis72 on Dec 27, 2020 20:44:00 GMT
Hello, forgot to follow up on this and thought I’d respond. Met girl again, ended up sleeping with her next date and saw her casually for a while. She said she wasn’t so sure on a guy making moves on her in person within an hour of meeting but felt nervous, but had seemingly got over her issues by the second time.
Thanks for responses
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 27, 2020 23:59:56 GMT
Hello, forgot to follow up on this and thought I’d respond. Met girl again, ended up sleeping with her next date and saw her casually for a while. She said she wasn’t so sure on a guy making moves on her in person within an hour of meeting but felt nervous, but had seemingly got over her issues by the second time. Thanks for responses She’s not used to it...obviously it didn’t relegate you to creep status. 1 hour in? I’m a bit curious as to why you felt the need to hustle in so quick. Futzing w her phone is often a sign of nervousness and a dissociation of sorts. Guys often mistakenly see it as disinterest.
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Post by curtis72 on Dec 28, 2020 0:12:24 GMT
Hello, forgot to follow up on this and thought I’d respond. Met girl again, ended up sleeping with her next date and saw her casually for a while. She said she wasn’t so sure on a guy making moves on her in person within an hour of meeting but felt nervous, but had seemingly got over her issues by the second time. Thanks for responses She’s not used to it...obviously it didn’t relegate you to creep status. 1 hour in? I’m a bit curious as to why you felt the need to hustle in so quick. Futzing w her phone is often a sign of nervousness and a dissociation of sorts. Guys often mistakenly see it as disinterest. To be quite honest, I’m still kinda learning on the journey and so I wasn’t really sure when to start escalating. I have mild autism additionally, so stuff like social cues are a bit more difficult to read too. But from what I’d seen and read it’s good to start touching the girl from the off. Normally if I invite a girl around from online I’d make a move on her and start foreplay within a couple of minutes so kinda took that to in person
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Post by curtis72 on Dec 28, 2020 0:30:39 GMT
Fucking around on your phone is often considered a major social faux pas and is quite rude. It’s known as a poor thing to do, so I’d still be a little confused as to why someone would do something they know would reflect badly when making a crucial first impression.
She apologised enough for it, but just “tee-hee I was nervous” seems strange. I guess you know better as you are probably older and have worked at this a bit longer than I have.
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 28, 2020 1:40:45 GMT
Fucking around on your phone is often considered a major social faux pas and is quite rude. It’s known as a poor thing to do, so I’d still be a little confused as to why someone would do something they know would reflect badly when making a crucial first impression. She apologised enough for it, but just “tee-hee I was nervous” seems strange. I guess you know better as you are probably older and have worked at this a bit longer than I have. Rude is an interpretation of another’s behaviour. It may in fact be that person’s intent, or maybe not. It’s still your interpretation and assumes you are able to read minds. You may actually be at a distinct advantage having mild autism. It can prompt you to be more inquisitive “hey I noticed you in your phone, just wondering what’s going for you at this moment?” with an inquisitive/curious vibe, for example. Rather than rushing to judgment and acting on that energy.
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Post by curtis72 on Dec 28, 2020 21:11:23 GMT
Fucking around on your phone is often considered a major social faux pas and is quite rude. It’s known as a poor thing to do, so I’d still be a little confused as to why someone would do something they know would reflect badly when making a crucial first impression. She apologised enough for it, but just “tee-hee I was nervous” seems strange. I guess you know better as you are probably older and have worked at this a bit longer than I have. Rude is an interpretation of another’s behaviour. It may in fact be that person’s intent, or maybe not. It’s still your interpretation and assumes you are able to read minds. You may actually be at a distinct advantage having mild autism. It can prompt you to be more inquisitive “hey I noticed you in your phone, just wondering what’s going for you at this moment?” with an inquisitive/curious vibe, for example. Rather than rushing to judgment and acting on that energy. Why do you think it’s an advantage? I said something the second time (first time I said nothing) she faffed on her phone along the lines of “I’ll do my best to be more entertaining” and she said “Don’t you know when you have that friend who always wants to contact you”. She then moved the convo on,
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