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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Jan 5, 2021 20:21:04 GMT
I really like where this topic has gone, because we all have insecurities. But i think that the key to overcoming any insecurity that you may have, really lies in how you deal with it. Some insecurities that you have, you can improve upon them yourself over time (like being over weight). However, some insecurities you cannot fix (like height or race/ethnicity). For the insecurities that you cannot fix..i think you just have to own them. Which means just accept them, and maybe even flaunt them (embrace your insecurities). That way..those insecurities will be a DHV for you, instead of a DLV for you. RSD used to always say.."What you cannot fix, you feature", which i do agree with. That insecurity that you cannot fix..you can either cry about it, and let it get you down. Or you can just own it, and swag it out. You're going to do one or the other. But one mindset is going to help you, and the other mindset won't help you at all. Might as well go with the mindset that will help you (owning that insecurity that you have, and even swagging it out). This mindset also helped me with girls, whenever i did have this mindset (because i wasn't perfect..sometimes i did let my insecurities take over, and get me down). Before the lockdowns happened..i went out to bars and clubs alot (as you may have already known, if you've been reading my field reports). And the girls at those venues, are notorious for calling out guys' insecurities (AKA..SHIT TESTS/CONGRUENCE TESTS). But i found that, at times when i was just non-reactive to it (i didn't let it bother me/i just ignored it..and owned my insecurity that she called me out on, and just swagged it out)..the girl stops caring about it too. And alot of times, she'll become even more attracted to me..even though, she already basically told me that "i wasn't her type". And sometimes, i ended up still sleeping with that same girl, who told me in so many ways, that i wasn't her type..because of A B and C reasons. On the flip side of that..when it did bother me..not only would the girl lose even more attraction for me, but she would also get even more mean and nasty to me. So the reaction that i got from girls, depended on my outlook, and the mindset that i had at the time..in regards to my insecurities. It's not just girls that stop caring about your insecurities, when you don't care about them either. Like for me..if i see a guy that has a physical disability, but he is still very confident in himself, and how he carries himself..i'll forget that that guy even has a disability. I don't actually forget, but i won't even pay attention to it. And i'll look at that guy, as any other normal person (almost as if he didn't even have a physical disability). And that's the power of how you perceive yourself. It can even affect how others perceive you as well..either negative or positive.
I have a question for you N2thevoid. What do you usually tell your clients..when they tell you about an insecurity that they have about themselves, that they cannot fix?
-G
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Post by N2thevoid on Jan 5, 2021 21:14:27 GMT
There is no insecurity that's not insoluble.
The insecurity is more a symptom of something more profound, rather than the cause.
If presenting my girlfriend to mom evokes shame within me, for example, I am more curious about what story I am telling myself to feel that shame. Rather than focusing on the stream of negativistic thinking that perpetuates the insecurity.
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xmoses
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 19
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Post by xmoses on Jan 7, 2021 3:38:30 GMT
If Any darkskin black brothas would say their results i would appreciate it.
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xmoses
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 19
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Post by xmoses on Jan 7, 2021 3:39:40 GMT
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Post by curtis72 on Jan 7, 2021 14:16:05 GMT
You’ve said women are potentially racist that aren’t black, have you considered targeting yuppie women? They’ll be much more open to dating a non-white.
You’re mid to late 20s from your post history, so that’s your age group and there may be some you encounter regularly.
You don’t know me, so for all you know I might have a bigger obstacle affecting my ability to pick up women than being a dark skinned black guy - so it’s possible I may have a better understanding of perceived or actual flaws may affect this stuff.
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Post by JackZero on Jan 7, 2021 18:27:03 GMT
I think the better question that should come from the guys that aren't in the OP's situation is: Have the women indicated that the OP is too dark or is that the conclusion that he came to on his own?
If the answer is that he was told that he is too dark consistently then his issue may be valid and someone can tell him how to overcome it. If he says that it is a conclusion that he's come to then maybe we can help identify his sticking point based on him sharing his actual experiences, if that's something he'd be open to. Hell, it may be possible that the OP is just an unattractive guy(all races have them) and he may be cold approaching women during the day which would be far more difficult than cold approaching in a bar.
Unless he's willing to talk to us more openly about his experiences we can't offer anything to him and instead hope someone will come along and answer his question based on his criteria.
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Post by curtis72 on Jan 8, 2021 0:24:52 GMT
OP stated that “I FEEL LIKE these girls are very racist”
So from this verbiage it’s that he’s making a guess.
Additionally, I doubt he’d be asking about other guys’ results and ignoring everything else if he’d been explicitly rejected for this as he’s trying to form comparisons between himself and the other blokes to determine if his tone is the deciding factor.
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Post by JackZero on Jan 8, 2021 7:07:34 GMT
OP stated that “I FEEL LIKE these girls are very racist” So from this verbiage it’s that he’s making a guess. Additionally, I doubt he’d be asking about other guys’ results and ignoring everything else if he’d been explicitly rejected for this as he’s trying to form comparisons between himself and the other blokes to determine if his tone is the deciding factor. I get what you're saying but that isn't the important part of this, IMO. We are dealing with a belief system. The "feel like" statement may or may not be the real issue but the issue is real to the OP. I can guarantee that if he's feeling this way then some other guy out there shares the same sentiment. That guy may read N2's professional theraputic advice and take it to heart. Another guy may take GFRESH's advice and turn it into a strength. You may have reminded him that there are guys out there darker complected that are considered attractive. They may take my advice on trying to figure out if they are blaming their issue on the wrong thing. OP is the one that's asking the question and even though I can tell him that I personally know a few guys that have good results but don't consider their results as being good at PUA. OP doesn't want to hear it from me though. Side note: Few years ago I was at Trader Joe's a bit south of Hollywood with a girl I was spending the weekend. At the time she was a waitress trying to be an actress. While we were checking out, Wesley Snipes was at the front of the store being loud and abnoxious. I'm going to say the movies do no justice to how dark that man is. I want to describe just how dark he is but I don't want any of you getting punched in your lip if you repeat it to another black guy. The girl I was with was a blond beach bunny type, just to give you a bit of a description. I held in my shock for how dark he was. The moment we sat down in the car and I said that he is darker than a ********* and I have never seen anything like that in my life. Her response shocked me. She said she wanted to lick him. I thought she meant because it was Wesley Snipes but she corrected that. She wanted to lick him because she though his dark skin was sexy. To this day, I believe every time I had sex with her she was thinking about Passenger 57.
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Post by N2thevoid on Jan 8, 2021 7:20:35 GMT
^^maybe she thought he’d taste like chocolate.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jan 8, 2021 15:31:23 GMT
The girl I was with was a blond beach bunny type, just to give you a bit of a description. Huh, never would of guessed...
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xmoses
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 19
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Post by xmoses on Jan 10, 2021 1:47:32 GMT
I personally know a few guys that have good results but don't consider their results as being good at PUA. OP doesn't want to hear it from me though. I don't have a problem hearing it from you bro. Do these DS guy get dates with these chicks? also are these chicks "thick". Thick chicks are easy to get since they have low self esteem for being fat. My preference are the skinny ones. I remember i went out for 1 month (2 hrs everyday damn day!) approaching chicks. Couldn't get a single date. I'm 6'2 have a very good fashion, good looking if the chciks find black phenotype attractive. Had shit ton of black girls like me growing up that's why i say this. I get approached sometimes by them. Never non-black chicks tho! (another proof to me)....lightskin black guys get approached but never darkskin black guys.
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xmoses
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 19
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Post by xmoses on Jan 10, 2021 1:48:07 GMT
I personally know a few guys that have good results but don't consider their results as being good at PUA. OP doesn't want to hear it from me though. I don't have a problem hearing it from you bro. Do these DS guy get dates with these chicks? also are these chicks "thick". Thick chicks are easy to get since they have low self esteem for being fat. My preference are the skinny ones. I remember i went out for 1 month (2 hrs everyday damn day!) approaching chicks. Couldn't get a single date. I'm 6'2 have a very good fashion, good looking if the chciks find black phenotype attractive. Had shit ton of black girls like me growing up that's why i say this. I get approached sometimes by them. Never non-black chicks tho! (another proof to me)....lightskin black guys get approached by non-black chicks but never darkskin black guys (another proof to me)
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Post by JackZero on Jan 10, 2021 18:59:52 GMT
The guys I know get all types of women. Skinny, thick, and everything in between.
If you are a good looking guy that dresses well, it's not going to be the complexion of your skin that's causing the problem. 100% of women outside of your race are not going to be racist. It's impossible. 100% of all women outside of your race is going to find you unattractive because of your complexion. It's impossible. If you spent 2 hours a day for a month and couldn't get a date, I guarantee it's something that you're doing wrong.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jan 11, 2021 16:22:18 GMT
If you spent 2 hours a day for a month and couldn't get a date, I guarantee it's something that you're doing wrong. And pretty racist to claim that skin tone is the issue.
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Post by curtis72 on Jan 13, 2021 11:39:11 GMT
can you tell us about your approaches?
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