pw501
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 1
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Post by pw501 on Apr 23, 2018 10:08:49 GMT
What do you guys think on the subject of ex boyfriends ?
Context...
In a relationship for a year now, in my opinion it has gone very well but we had a slight hiccup last weekend.
I've had issues in the past where I had suspicions that she was still seeing her ex but I put it down to me overthinking things,
I brought it up with her as I believe a good relationship is about honest communcation and she assured me she had only seen him twice.
Definitely not hung out with him alone.
Once was when she went out with a group of people - they are all in the same line of work so they knew each other. I happily let her do this and even dropped her off at the station.
I know there was a group of them and not just them two. Another time was when she wanted to visit a friend who was in town and this friend was at her ex's house (they were all friends before) - unfortunetly on this occasion she didn't tell me the truth but I found out later after she let it slip.
This weekend I found out that she did actually meet him, just them two. It was 8 months ago. She went to his place and watched a film and had some food (apparently). I looked back and on that day from our messages she told me she was 'meeting friends in the afternoon'
The issue I have is not the fact she met him, but why she would lie about it.
Also the fact is was 8 months ago and things have gone so well since then... she is crazy about me. She feels terrible about it and has told me again that nothing happened between them two, I don't really care at this point because I'll never know the truth and it doesn't really change anything. It's the fact she lied about it. She has not seen him since, which I also find odd - if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again?
I'm taking some time to think about it but jsut wondering what your opinions are and if you have dealt with anything similar?
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Apr 23, 2018 14:58:04 GMT
Because they had sex.
I do not care what anyone else says from this point forward. She lied, because they had sex. And she knew that going in. She planed on it.
Sorry about that.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 23, 2018 17:30:51 GMT
What do you guys think on the subject of ex boyfriends ?
Context...
In a relationship for a year now, in my opinion it has gone very well but we had a slight hiccup last weekend.
I've had issues in the past where I had suspicions that she was still seeing her ex but I put it down to me overthinking things,
And how has this worked for you?
I brought it up with her as I believe a good relationship is about honest communcation and she assured me she had only seen him twice.
”Honest communication” rests at the bedrock of healthy relationships, yes. Time-frame wise, when did you bring it up with her?
Definitely not hung out with him alone.
I am assuming she saw him twice when the two of you were exclusive, and hadn’t told you. Is this correct?
Once was when she went out with a group of people - they are all in the same line of work so they knew each other. I happily let her do this and even dropped her off at the station.
”Let her”? Oh boy.
I know there was a group of them and not just them two. Another time was when she wanted to visit a friend who was in town and this friend was at her ex's house (they were all friends before) - unfortunetly on this occasion she didn't tell me the truth but I found out later after she let it slip.
So she was less than forthcoming. Understandably that may evoke your trust in her depending on other factors too.
This weekend I found out that she did actually meet him, just them two. It was 8 months ago. She went to his place and watched a film and had some food (apparently). I looked back and on that day from our messages she told me she was 'meeting friends in the afternoon'
Is this a 3rd instance of them meeting or part of the 2nd? Again, she wasn’t offering the truth for whatever reason “I knew you’d freak out if I told you, nothing happened” will likely be her reply.
The issue I have is not the fact she met him, but why she would lie about it.
I don’t blame you for having concern around her level of integrity and honesty. Your gut maybe telling you something.
Also the fact is was 8 months ago and things have gone so well since then... she is crazy about me. She feels terrible about it and has told me again that nothing happened between them two, I don't really care at this point because I'll never know the truth and it doesn't really change anything. It's the fact she lied about it. She has not seen him since, which I also find odd - if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again?
I'm taking some time to think about it but jsut wondering what your opinions are and if you have dealt with anything similar?
Her answer obviously hasn’t satiated you. You do not trust this person, clearly and that can be tough when you feel in a good place to puncture that with your need. By telling her it can create a rupture but you must ask yourself is it worth silently suffering for the sake that things will continue on. And this is where a lot of guys lose themselves in the relationship and fall into codependent patterns. If you do bring this up with her, prepare for some resistance. You have to be willing to stand your ground even if it means walking out (drawing a boundary). Are you willingly to act in spite of your fear and stand on your own two feet or go along with the script that everything’s A O.K. In hopes you’ll forget things and focus solely on how terrible “crazy about me” you perceive her to be .
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Post by R.C on Apr 24, 2018 7:40:42 GMT
Because they had sex. I do not care what anyone else says from this point forward. She lied, because they had sex. And she knew that going in. She planed on it. Sorry about that. And even if they didn't, which is a roughly 5% chance, she was certainly aware of that possibility and welcomed it. Not my question to you is the following. You state that this relationship has been going on for one year. And there's a very distinct difference between the timeframe in which you met/started dating, and when you became exclusive. Dating one year ago could easily mean you were not exclusive 8 months ago. And if she wanted to see her ex without being committed to someone else (you in this case) is fine in my books. If however you were already exclusive at that point, well, then that's entirely different. if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again? They were not friends. Having a common group is one thing, but nobody is really friends with their exes. I've always ended past relationships on good terms and remained friendly, but that's a longshot from being friends. You don't stay friends with someone you fucked. You don't platonically, all of a sudden, go have a beer on a weekend and expect sex to not be on the menu.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 24, 2018 12:38:59 GMT
Because they had sex. I do not care what anyone else says from this point forward. She lied, because they had sex. And she knew that going in. She planed on it. Sorry about that. And even if they didn't, which is a roughly 5% chance, she was certainly aware of that possibility and welcomed it. Not my question to you is the following. You state that this relationship has been going on for one year. And there's a very distinct difference between the timeframe in which you met/started dating, and when you became exclusive. Dating one year ago could easily mean you were not exclusive 8 months ago. And if she wanted to see her ex without being committed to someone else (you in this case) is fine in my books. If however you were already exclusive at that point, well, then that's entirely different. if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again? They were not friends. Having a common group is one thing, but nobody is really friends with their exes. I've always ended past relationships on good terms and remained friendly, but that's a longshot from being friends. You don't stay friends with someone you fucked. You don't platonically, all of a sudden, go have a beer on a weekend and expect sex to not be on the menu. I’m very close friends with an ex I was with for 6 years LOL. However it took a while to steer to that place in spite of the fact that we always remain in contact even during and after the break up.
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Apr 26, 2018 22:24:48 GMT
Because they had sex. I do not care what anyone else says from this point forward. She lied, because they had sex. And she knew that going in. She planed on it. Sorry about that. And even if they didn't, which is a roughly 5% chance, she was certainly aware of that possibility and welcomed it. Not my question to you is the following. You state that this relationship has been going on for one year. And there's a very distinct difference between the timeframe in which you met/started dating, and when you became exclusive. Dating one year ago could easily mean you were not exclusive 8 months ago. And if she wanted to see her ex without being committed to someone else (you in this case) is fine in my books. If however you were already exclusive at that point, well, then that's entirely different. if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again? They were not friends. Having a common group is one thing, but nobody is really friends with their exes. I've always ended past relationships on good terms and remained friendly, but that's a longshot from being friends. You don't stay friends with someone you fucked. You don't platonically, all of a sudden, go have a beer on a weekend and expect sex to not be on the menu. You can be platonic friends whith an ex, BUT important point is you need a few years apart from when you were last together, and getting back in contact at an arms reach basis. I am friends with one of my exes from many years back, but then I am good mates with her fella, and she was good mates with a more recent ex of mine. It has never cause any issues. That said, the temptation under the right circumstances always remains and it has taken self control from both of us when we are alone together, which is an extremely rare event and I avoid it wherever possible. In the OPs situation it doesn't seem like that. Question to the OP, did she monkey branch onto you, or did she have a long period on her own before getting with you, as that can make a difference?
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Apr 27, 2018 12:44:38 GMT
Platonic friendship with an ex is nothing more than emergency sex in a jar. In case of emergency, break glass.
If you have common children you have a responsibility to be civil. But if you need to use the restroom at their house it's perfectly fine to wipe your ass on a guest towel and put it back.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 27, 2018 13:52:14 GMT
Platonic friendship with an ex is nothing more than emergency sex in a jar. In case of emergency, break glass. If you have common children you have a responsibility to be civil. But if you need to use the restroom at their house it's perfectly fine to wipe your ass on a guest towel and put it back. Especially if said towel is white. It’s your duty.
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tiger
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 5
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Post by tiger on Feb 2, 2019 12:26:55 GMT
Platonic friendship with an ex is nothing more than emergency sex in a jar. In case of emergency, break glass. I agree. Physical attraction can fade, but not vanish. And time can potentially make attraction grow again.
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Post by N2thevoid on Feb 5, 2019 9:20:30 GMT
Platonic friendship with an ex is nothing more than emergency sex in a jar. In case of emergency, break glass. If you have common children you have a responsibility to be civil. But if you need to use the restroom at their house it's perfectly fine to wipe your ass on a guest towel and put it back. Not necessarily. I have an ex who'd I'd been with over 6 years. The mere thought of sex with her, 10 years later, is as repugnant to me as thinking of having sex with my sister.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Feb 5, 2019 14:19:00 GMT
Platonic friendship with an ex is nothing more than emergency sex in a jar. In case of emergency, break glass. If you have common children you have a responsibility to be civil. But if you need to use the restroom at their house it's perfectly fine to wipe your ass on a guest towel and put it back. Not necessarily. I have an ex who'd I'd been with over 6 years. The mere thought of sex with her, 10 years later, is as repugnant to me as thinking of having sex with my sister. That doesn't mean she wouldn't have sex with you.
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Oct 16, 2019 14:12:15 GMT
What do you guys think on the subject of ex boyfriends ? Context... In a relationship for a year now, in my opinion it has gone very well but we had a slight hiccup last weekend. I've had issues in the past where I had suspicions that she was still seeing her ex but I put it down to me overthinking things, I brought it up with her as I believe a good relationship is about honest communcation and she assured me she had only seen him twice. Definitely not hung out with him alone. Once was when she went out with a group of people - they are all in the same line of work so they knew each other. I happily let her do this and even dropped her off at the station. I know there was a group of them and not just them two. Another time was when she wanted to visit a friend who was in town and this friend was at her ex's house (they were all friends before) - unfortunetly on this occasion she didn't tell me the truth but I found out later after she let it slip. This weekend I found out that she did actually meet him, just them two. It was 8 months ago. She went to his place and watched a film and had some food (apparently). I looked back and on that day from our messages she told me she was 'meeting friends in the afternoon' The issue I have is not the fact she met him, but why she would lie about it. Also the fact is was 8 months ago and things have gone so well since then... she is crazy about me. She feels terrible about it and has told me again that nothing happened between them two, I don't really care at this point because I'll never know the truth and it doesn't really change anything. It's the fact she lied about it. She has not seen him since, which I also find odd - if they were friends surely they would want to see each other again? I'm taking some time to think about it but jsut wondering what your opinions are and if you have dealt with anything similar? Do you still trust her?
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