Online Report: where have I gone wrong and what do I do now?

[GenmLevel0]

One of the advantages of online sarging, I find, is that you have a perfect recording of your conversation. This is an exchange I had on OkCupid with a Japanese HB that isn't currently going the way I want, so I'm opening it to critique and advice on how to proceed.



It started with her profile reading "I am smart, beautiful, and fun." So I decided to comment on that (OkCupid now has the option to comment on portions of the profile directly, similar to the "quote" system here).



Her profile: "I am smart, beautiful, and fun"



Me: ""I'm also very humble"

I talked to my California friend and he told me it's always 22 degrees there, we should travel there
" [saw this on the old forum]



Her: "Lol

Yes I’m also humble... that’s too perfect no?! Lol"



Me: "the weather? yeah, it's perfect now, we need to enjoy it before [our city] steals it from us again"



Her: "Ok

Let’s go lol

But you gotta take me for a drink first 😬"



Me: "How does coffee sound?"



Her: "Yup"



Me: "Sounds good

I'd like to get to know each other too, what do you do for fun?" [trying to build some comfort and try to make her qualify]



Her: "Like to do..just relaxing sometimes

But I like hiking too

Socializing

Dancing

Cooking etc"



Me: "that's cool, so you should teach me dance and we can win the grand prize on SYTYCD, right?"



Her: "? What’s that lol"



Me: "So you think you can dance"



Her: "... yes ... ?!?😶"



Me: "lol, it's a name of a show, "So You Think You Can Dance""



Her: "Lol

I never watched the show before lol"



Me: "don't worry about it, we'll take it out by storm one day

I'm sure we can cook well together too"



Her: "Lol

Sure

One day 🤪

We should go for a drink first baby"



Me: "tsk tsk... trying to get me drunk already? I've got Russian roots, I've got the alcohol tolerance of a polar bear" [trying to go for c&f here]



Her: "Lol

That’s scary

Take it easy for the first date please lol"



Me: "well we're going for coffee, it doesn't get more chill than that"



Her: "Sure"



Me: "do you like roadtrips?"



Her: "Yup

I love any trios

Trips *"



Me: "I did a roadtrip a few years back with my friend, [our city] to Arizona and back, was the best time ever, I need another one of those now that my research is done"



Her: "Cool

Wanna do that too"



Me: "then maybe eventually we can race "



Her:"I guess

I will win though"



Me: "oh? what should be our prize then?"



Her: "Hmmmm

Tequila

Shotssss"



Me: "you got it, but then we might as well race to Mexico

Were you born and raised here?"



Her: "Lol

True

Never been there

Nope

In Japan !

Been here almost 5 yrs"



Me: "oh wow, your English is better than mine and I've been here for over a decade"



Her: "Lol

Your English is much better than mine !!!!

You liar lol"



Me: "that's true, I was trying to be nice though

😆"



Her: "I’ll kill youuu 💩"



Me: "will you at least give me a nice eulogy?"



Her: "LolHey

What’s your zodiac sign ?"



Me: "duck

What's yours?"



Her: "Duck ?!"



Me: "Quack!

I'm a Virgo actually, but I thought I'd make up a sign"



Her: "Lol silly lol"



Me: "what sign are you?"



Her: "Gemni"



Me: does that make us a good match for coffee?"



Her: "Lol yes I think so"



Me: "sweet, what's your number?"



Her: "[gives her phone number]"




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So the next day, I send the following message:



"Dear [HB Japanese]



I have enclosed in this letter my phone number

[phone number]

Please take care of it



Love, [my name] "



She replied with:



"lol

heyhey

what's up?"



And I replied with:



"Programming, thinking of vacation

How about you?"



aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand since then it's silence



I'm not sure how to proceed.



I though of sending a regular message of

"Hey, when are you free for coffee?"



or sending a message of

"Scratch coffee, I have a bottle of white wine begging to be opened, do you have roomates?" [trying to set up a date right at her place so she is more comfortable]



or calling her instead of SMS'ing and just talking on the phone to establish comfort and the coffee date



Suggestions? Ideas? ideally concrete ideas?

[JackZero]

Apologies for not getting to this sooner but the thing that I see wrong is that you flirted at the idea of a date and she agreed but then you went to the comfort and eventually talked yourself out of a date. Comfort's goal is thrown out of context in PUA. All you need to do for comfort is get her to agree to do what you want to do. It's not to make her feel safe enough around you or divulging information that she wouldn't normally say. I would rather have a girl on a first date that is more nervous than comfortable. I would prefer her thinking that we're meeting too soon more than a feeling of comfort for a first date because if she's showing up thinking that way that means that she's into me.

Is this salvageable? Possibly, but it won't be optimal. You can open up with an invite to something and foregoing the smalltalk but she's already lost excitement for you.

[N2thevoid]

Very direct and set up a date with her stop lollygagging

[GenmLevel0]

hmmm, I thought so
I asked her out, she said yes, but when I texted her a day and time, and went silent... I'll if I can do something but in this case I can safely move on since there isn't anything much unique about her

[N2thevoid]

Then there’s your answer