just a small oneitus problem

[javi50984]

TL;DR:
went on a date, fucked up by not physically escalating and only flirting slightly (was having too much fun with the conversation and was a little bit rusty from not going on a new date/approaching women in almost 2 months). She said yes to 2nd date with absolute certainty, but I have yet to get a response so now I have a slight “oneitus” problem.


Full Story:
Saturday, June 3 10pm or 11pm

I was working as a bouncer at a bar, two girls come up to me to enter. One says that her friend likes me. I talk to the girl for a minute or 2 and we exchange numbers (I was hesitant at first since she was drunk and might possibly flake) and they both go in to have fun.

Text messages: Sunday, June 3

Me: Hey Cat, its Javi. You still remember me from last night? 1:31pm

Cat: Yes I do 1:57pm

Me: Oh shit, wasn’t expecting that. I’m free Thursday night if you want to get some drinks and get to know each other 2:27pm

Cat: Hey I know I was drunk but I wasn’t to drunk meeting you lol. And the last thing I can think about is drinks rn haha but I just have to get my work schedule and I’ll be able to see if I can. I’ll like to get to know you 2:29pm

Me: All I meant was that you looked like you were having fun 😊. That’d be nice. 2:35pm

Cat: Ahah I was I don’t go out much really and it would be 2:35pm


I get no response for the entire week and since she was the one that wanted to go out with me in the first place, I was curious to what happened/changed.


Text messages: Friday, June 8

Me: Hey Cat, just wondering if you still wanted to go out sometime or not 8:24pm

Cat: Id still be down 8:29pm

Me: Let’s do Topgolf on Sunday, 9pm 8:38pm

Cat: Could you do 10pm? Cause I work that night but I could probably leave earlier 8:48pm

Me: 10pm it is. See you there 8:56pm

Cat: Sounds good and I’ve never been there before btw lol 9:01pm

Me: You’ll enjoy it. I like the atmosphere of the place 9:03pm

Cat: I’m very excited cause I always wanted to go 9:13pm


Sunday afternoon comes along and she texts if we’re still on for tonight. I text back, “Hell yes. We’ll meet up inside at the front entrance.”



I get to the place on time and she is not there; at 10:08pm I text her “you still coming?” 3 minutes later, I call…no answer. She texts me immediately after, saying that she didn’t receive my last text in the afternoon, I send a screenshot of the text to prove to her that I sent it and we finally meet up at 10:50pm. While I was waiting I ordered a beer and French fries (forgot to eat before the date). About ¾ of the way to finishing she shows up and just orders water. We talk for one hour inside the bar before we had to leave for closing, we then spent another almost 2 hours talking in the parking lot before finally saying goodbye to each other.


When I saw her on that night, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek to set the mood (and since I’m also Hispanic), we have a lot of things in common. In the middle of the first hour, she tells me that she hasn’t seen Infinity War or Deadpool 2 so I tell her that we should see those movies next week and she agrees. When we are about to say bye for the night, I tell her that I don’t usually kiss at the end of the date and I asked her (like a fucking idiot) if she wanted to kiss. She said that she likes to take things slow, I accept and we end with a hug. I don’t remember if I did it after or before the hug, but I asked her again if she still wanted to go out on a 2nd date and she unequivocally said yes and that she doesn’t normally talk to guys in a parking lot for 2 hours.


After a few days of silence, I text her on Thursday, June 14, 8:25pm, “Cat, lets go out again. Are you free on Tuesday?” no response. I called her the next day at 5pm…nothing. I’m planning on texting her again on Tuesday for one last time to see if she responds (I know that I am overly invested in this and that there is a 99.9% that she won’t respond).


Two main reasons why I have oneitus and can’t let this go at the moment:

1. She said yes to a 2nd date. Whenever a girl didn’t want to go on a 2nd date with me, she would say “maybe” or “I’ll let you know.” So the fact that she said yes with a smile on her face and completely ghosted me later on is new to me.

2. This reminds me of another date I had last November where we met up later than expected, had a lot in common, spent 3 hours talking, did minimal physical escalation, and didn’t kiss her either (I was too much of a pussy to go for the kiss since that was my first ever date). This one at least texted back and said that she didn’t want to go on another date.


Questions/sticking points that I have:

1. How do I change from having a boyfriend vibe to a lover/seducer vibe? I don’t want an exclusive relationship, but for some reason my natural energy/vibe is that of wanting a long-term relationship

2. Have you ever had a woman say absolutely yes to a 2nd date and then completely ghost you

3. what the hell is good kino/physical escalation supposed to look like? I am still absolute shit at this. Do you have any video recommendations to help me visualize this? There are times where I will kiss the girl before establishing good kino and it will just end bad to say the least. On few occasions I will dance bachata/salsa with the girl to help with the kino, but it still won’t work great.

4. Any tips for getting better at verbally flirting. Was never good at it and still am not. I know its less on what you say and more about the intent, but can someone elaborate more on this?

Any other advice or constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


P.S. and yes, i already know the age-old advice, "forget about her, meet other women and improve yourself"

[JackZero]

1. How do I change from having a boyfriend vibe to a lover/seducer vibe? I don’t want an exclusive relationship, but for some reason my natural energy/vibe is that of wanting a long-term relationship

I'm not sure that the problem is the vibe that you have.  It's more likely the consistency of your actions.  Here you are, Mr. Don't Kiss on the First Date, who spends hours talking to a girl on a Sunday night.  Then you wait until Thursday to contact her again.  That's not a boyfriend vibe because the boyfriend would have texted her the next day.  That's not the seducer because the seducer wouldn't have put that many hours in just having a conversation on the first date and then ask for a kiss.  If I were to make a guess on what she was thinking up until the point that you contacted her again was that you weren't too interested.

2. Have you ever had a woman say absolutely yes to a 2nd date and then completely ghost you

Yes

3. what the hell is good kino/physical escalation supposed to look like? I am still absolute shit at this. Do you have any video recommendations to help me visualize this? There are times where I will kiss the girl before establishing good kino and it will just end bad to say the least. On few occasions I will dance bachata/salsa with the girl to help with the kino, but it still won’t work great.

In my opinion, good kino is kino that she can return.  I hate doing high 5's, but it's still good kino.  When you're sitting down and you can pull her into your space with you, that's good kino.  Hand holding is good kino.  Embraces are good kino.

4. Any tips for getting better at verbally flirting. Was never good at it and still am not. I know its less on what you say and more about the intent, but can someone elaborate more on this?

Huge subject.  Basics are getting across that you think she's attractive without saying the words directly, innuendo, teasing, playful banter.  I may be forgetting somethings but those are the easy ones.

Any other advice or constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

Figure out what you want to call a successful first date and do the things that are required to achieve that goal.

[Heywood Jablowme]

what the hell is good kino/physical escalation supposed to look like? I am still absolute shit at this.

Kino, simply refers to physical touch between a man and a woman. Escalating kino means moving from touching her hand, to burying yourself balls deep. And all the little stepping stones in the middle. 


Basically it's a little game of "See what I can get away with before she stops me." While making her comfortable, and really really turned on in the process.  And it's up to you to lead her down that path. Although if you do that properly she'll turn that stroll down the path into a full on run. 

Progressively and slowly develop Kino by hugging holding hands, sitting close to each other or other such physical gestures/acts, the jump from that to kissing it is just natural progression, then it's free of the awkward social tension asking permission, like you'r asking borrow her vagina for a trial run.