Post by promisingnewbie on Aug 28, 2018 9:42:20 GMT
Hello everyone,
I'm new here, but my story likely isn't. I've been with my current (at the moment of this posts' creation) girlfriend for almost 3 years. And probably won't be in about 6 hours time. Now I don't know if anyone will reply to this post by then, but anyway.
For the past 3 or so weeks she's been much more distant. For the past 7-8 months she started growing distant. In the last 14 or so days she hasn't initiated contact even once, I believe, whereas the norm for her would be to call at least once every two to three days.
Now this all started, according to her, because of my behavior at the New Year's party, where I supposedly tried to flirt with some other girl in front of her. This may or may not be true, I can't really remember, as I was drunk outta my mind. Nothing happened, as tried is the proper word in this context, since I was far from any kind of success.
I do get where she's coming from, and she may have been rightfully pissed, as it is a dick move. But what I don't agree with is her continuation. After that event she said she can't trust me as she did until that point, because if "that's how I act when she's present, it's probably 10 times worse when she's not". That might make sense at a first glance, but really, completely overriding 2 years of built trust on the account of a one time event is exaggerated. That's a bit of background, as the event was a supposed turning point.
Regardless, this morning she texts me: "Hey, can we meet up today?". That is never the fashion in which she initiates meetups, by the way. I have plans every Tuesday at 9:00PM, and she knows that too. After I remind her of that, she says that we don't have to stay long. Again, never the fashion.
Our sex life has suffered too. We used to hook up every time we met, and that was well into the relationship, not just at first where it's expected. Nowadays we do so once every 2-3 times we meet. And considering we meet on the weekends almost exclusively since the beginning, that's once every 2-3 weeks? Given that we're both people with decently high sex drives.. that's a problem. She used to be all kinds of dirty, but that kinda died out and it became a bit boring. Now I'm not a sexual god. I don't have much experience. However in her own words, I'm the best she's ever had. She, and apparently her close female friends, praised me on the fact that for the first time ever she managed to have an orgasm while having sex. 2, 3 sometimes, but always one. Like I said, I don't have much experience but I find it very hard to believe that that's a bad track record.
All of that combined with the fact that I myself have felt us growing apart more and more, it's pretty obvious what the topic of this discussion will be. I'm 26 by the way. She's 27.
Now this girl has a lot of qualities, and we're fairly compatible. I'd say 70-80%? But that last 20 counts for so much, for me. Intellectually, she's not at my level. I'm honestly not saying that as an insult or from a place of arrogance. She's not stupid, just.. not quite there. As a result, our passions and even lifestyle suffer some friction because of that.
She's come a long way considering a crappy childhood, which is commandable, but she wants more. She could do much more. But yet she doesn't. She always tells me how she's gonna start improving her life in various aspects and then.. well, doesn't. I don't find that particularly attractive.
Financially, I earn a fair amount more than her. About 4-5 times as much. It might seem vain, hell, maybe it even is, but it's a factor for me too. Most if not all of my close friends have very similar financial situations to mine, so even planning vacations or weekly activities together is sometimes a challenge. You might, like I said, find that vain, but I can't magically turn it off. I'd absolutely love the idea of being with someone in my line of work and being able to bounce ideas back and forth with them.
Our humor overlaps here and there, but really it's nowhere near the compatibility level I have with my friends.
She is exceptionally honest, loving and caring. Physically, I find her an 8 or 9 out of 10, for whatever that subjective scale is worth.
It's a great relationship, but not one meant to last. My best so far. I'm 26, as stated. I'm not think marriage yet, for a good 5-6 more years. But as a point of perspective, she has a lot of the qualities I'd like in a future wife. She's also missing a critical few.
So when I first read the what I assume is "we need to talk text", that preservation instinct kicked in and my default mode was damage control. Probably because being broken up with is never fun. But after some though, really, I'd be good with it.
We do have a vacation planned in October, so that will be awkward, since it's quite expensive and non refundable.
I don't know how to handle breakups. Should I raise the idea of a FWB kinda thing? I know those seem like a good idea in practice, but never end well in theory. Emotionally I'd be good though, so I guess it'd be her decision. That would help with mitigating the awkwardness of our vacation? Is that rationalizing?
I also do not have a single prospect at the moment. Not a single girl in my pool. So that will be superbly notfun. I love and hate tinder. It's so random.
If you took the time to read so far, thank you. I would love some external perspectives on my situation.
Writing this post has helped me in and of itself. I had no action plan when I started, and it feels like I've answered a good portion of my questions as I wrote. I don't know if I'm being stupid here to be honest. I've read some of Mark Manson's material a while back, and out of it all, one thing stuck with me the most. He said it's either a "Fuck yes", or a "No". This girl is 100% a "Yes". She's not a "Fuck yes". So my gut tells me it's a "No". A hard no, but a no.
I'm new here, but my story likely isn't. I've been with my current (at the moment of this posts' creation) girlfriend for almost 3 years. And probably won't be in about 6 hours time. Now I don't know if anyone will reply to this post by then, but anyway.
For the past 3 or so weeks she's been much more distant. For the past 7-8 months she started growing distant. In the last 14 or so days she hasn't initiated contact even once, I believe, whereas the norm for her would be to call at least once every two to three days.
Now this all started, according to her, because of my behavior at the New Year's party, where I supposedly tried to flirt with some other girl in front of her. This may or may not be true, I can't really remember, as I was drunk outta my mind. Nothing happened, as tried is the proper word in this context, since I was far from any kind of success.
I do get where she's coming from, and she may have been rightfully pissed, as it is a dick move. But what I don't agree with is her continuation. After that event she said she can't trust me as she did until that point, because if "that's how I act when she's present, it's probably 10 times worse when she's not". That might make sense at a first glance, but really, completely overriding 2 years of built trust on the account of a one time event is exaggerated. That's a bit of background, as the event was a supposed turning point.
Regardless, this morning she texts me: "Hey, can we meet up today?". That is never the fashion in which she initiates meetups, by the way. I have plans every Tuesday at 9:00PM, and she knows that too. After I remind her of that, she says that we don't have to stay long. Again, never the fashion.
Our sex life has suffered too. We used to hook up every time we met, and that was well into the relationship, not just at first where it's expected. Nowadays we do so once every 2-3 times we meet. And considering we meet on the weekends almost exclusively since the beginning, that's once every 2-3 weeks? Given that we're both people with decently high sex drives.. that's a problem. She used to be all kinds of dirty, but that kinda died out and it became a bit boring. Now I'm not a sexual god. I don't have much experience. However in her own words, I'm the best she's ever had. She, and apparently her close female friends, praised me on the fact that for the first time ever she managed to have an orgasm while having sex. 2, 3 sometimes, but always one. Like I said, I don't have much experience but I find it very hard to believe that that's a bad track record.
All of that combined with the fact that I myself have felt us growing apart more and more, it's pretty obvious what the topic of this discussion will be. I'm 26 by the way. She's 27.
Now this girl has a lot of qualities, and we're fairly compatible. I'd say 70-80%? But that last 20 counts for so much, for me. Intellectually, she's not at my level. I'm honestly not saying that as an insult or from a place of arrogance. She's not stupid, just.. not quite there. As a result, our passions and even lifestyle suffer some friction because of that.
She's come a long way considering a crappy childhood, which is commandable, but she wants more. She could do much more. But yet she doesn't. She always tells me how she's gonna start improving her life in various aspects and then.. well, doesn't. I don't find that particularly attractive.
Financially, I earn a fair amount more than her. About 4-5 times as much. It might seem vain, hell, maybe it even is, but it's a factor for me too. Most if not all of my close friends have very similar financial situations to mine, so even planning vacations or weekly activities together is sometimes a challenge. You might, like I said, find that vain, but I can't magically turn it off. I'd absolutely love the idea of being with someone in my line of work and being able to bounce ideas back and forth with them.
Our humor overlaps here and there, but really it's nowhere near the compatibility level I have with my friends.
She is exceptionally honest, loving and caring. Physically, I find her an 8 or 9 out of 10, for whatever that subjective scale is worth.
It's a great relationship, but not one meant to last. My best so far. I'm 26, as stated. I'm not think marriage yet, for a good 5-6 more years. But as a point of perspective, she has a lot of the qualities I'd like in a future wife. She's also missing a critical few.
So when I first read the what I assume is "we need to talk text", that preservation instinct kicked in and my default mode was damage control. Probably because being broken up with is never fun. But after some though, really, I'd be good with it.
We do have a vacation planned in October, so that will be awkward, since it's quite expensive and non refundable.
I don't know how to handle breakups. Should I raise the idea of a FWB kinda thing? I know those seem like a good idea in practice, but never end well in theory. Emotionally I'd be good though, so I guess it'd be her decision. That would help with mitigating the awkwardness of our vacation? Is that rationalizing?
I also do not have a single prospect at the moment. Not a single girl in my pool. So that will be superbly notfun. I love and hate tinder. It's so random.
If you took the time to read so far, thank you. I would love some external perspectives on my situation.
Writing this post has helped me in and of itself. I had no action plan when I started, and it feels like I've answered a good portion of my questions as I wrote. I don't know if I'm being stupid here to be honest. I've read some of Mark Manson's material a while back, and out of it all, one thing stuck with me the most. He said it's either a "Fuck yes", or a "No". This girl is 100% a "Yes". She's not a "Fuck yes". So my gut tells me it's a "No". A hard no, but a no.
