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Post by N2thevoid on Aug 30, 2018 8:25:25 GMT
In this video Tyler of RSD talks about how to identify a woman with borderline personality traits. He also provides some helpful frames to help identify damaged women saving a lot of time and heartache in getting involved with them and ultimately coming here for help.
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Post by flyingbanana on Mar 1, 2023 22:21:58 GMT
Would like to see this video, any idea if it is still available elsewhere? Link looks dead.
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 2, 2023 23:27:51 GMT
No clue but if you look up BPD you'll find lots of stuff online. Mayo clinic is a good place to start.
A few of the more overt traits to watchout for are:
A history of tumultuous/'rocky' relationships
Typically impart blame on others ("I left because my ex …"), situations or things [not always the case but mostly it is as there are borderlines that blame themselves mostly)
Self-harm behaviors when they get very distressed this can involve cutting wrists, arms, using nails to dig into their own skin, hitting themselves. Generally they will do so in areas that can be concealed easily such as arms which can be hidden wearing long sleeve shirts.
Not every borderline self harms but most do. They aren't necessarily doing it to gain attention or as a cry to help, rather imagine being so overwhelmed emotionally that the only escape is through cutting yourself to block the pain in your head. Others will do it because they dissociate or go 'numb' and it's a way to feel alive again.
They often have a very disorganized attachment pattern pursuing and withdrawing at other times; they can be a tempest in a tea pot.
They can often 'split' - meaning oscillate from love bombing you to hating you at the drop of a dime. Mood volatility.
At its core people with BPD have a very frail sense of self and are prone to easily misinterpreting behavioral cues. So an example might look like you're out late with friends, a borderline girl may become very paranoid and convince herself you're cheating (when there's no prior history if it) and withdraw or go on the attack.
It doesn't mean they're bad people, they didn't choose to be this way. But rest assured if you get involved with one, best of luck to you!
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Post by flyingbanana on Mar 3, 2023 17:48:49 GMT
No clue but if you look up BPD you'll find lots of stuff online. Mayo clinic is a good place to start. A few of the more overt traits to watchout for are: A history of tumultuous/'rocky' relationships Typically impart blame on others ("I left because my ex …"), situations or things [not always the case but mostly it is as there are borderlines that blame themselves mostly) Self-harm behaviors when they get very distressed this can involve cutting wrists, arms, using nails to dig into their own skin, hitting themselves. Generally they will do so in areas that can be concealed easily such as arms which can be hidden wearing long sleeve shirts. Not every borderline self harms but most do. They aren't necessarily doing it to gain attention or as a cry to help, rather imagine being so overwhelmed emotionally that the only escape is through cutting yourself to block the pain in your head. Others will do it because they dissociate or go 'numb' and it's a way to feel alive again. They often have a very disorganized attachment pattern pursuing and withdrawing at other times; they can be a tempest in a tea pot. They can often 'split' - meaning oscillate from love bombing you to hating you at the drop of a dime. Mood volatility. At its core people with BPD have a very frail sense of self and are prone to easily misinterpreting behavioral cues. So an example might look like you're out late with friends, a borderline girl may become very paranoid and convince herself you're cheating (when there's no prior history if it) and withdraw or go on the attack. It doesn't mean they're bad people, they didn't choose to be this way. But rest assured if you get involved with one, best of luck to you! haha euro fits the bill. But in an effort to help others/see your thoughts in case I am bias here are some details. Come to think of it, she would pick at her face - maybe some weird version of the self-harm type stuff. But I agree, no matter what, there is no reasoning with them - it's mental illness and not by choice. The oscillating emotions are what seems to help get someone addicted to them. This was the experience with euro girl. To me, I think she was misdiagnosed with reactive depression by her psych, but I am not a doctor (I think she had BPD or a combo of some sort maybe PMDD - but BPD seems the clear most likely issue). Her psychiatrist gave her sertraline and hydroxyzine. She told me that she thought sertraline would lower her libido and she did not want to take the hydroxyzine because she would say it was "hardcore" and "numbed" her. She also had a prescription for propranolol for anxiety she would use when needed. She would have depression waves but then sometimes would be "fine" seemingly and happy. Actually was like a roller coaster when I think about it. I would try to tell her she is aware of it why can't she control it - she would tell me if I know to just ignore what she says certain times of the month (that made me think it was PMDD). This is what seems to have set up the pursuer withdrawer pattern and helped get me addicted. When it was good, it was great - but then out of blue she would say something that would make me aware the mean/depressing version of her was going to start. The really messed up thing was that she could in the morning be the coldest meanest woman you ever met, you would be like WTF - but if she took her meds, she would be great and like a whole different person. But when she would feel fine she would think she did not need the pills and would blame others (i.e. me) and then go off the meds. Of course, when off, she would go back to being a cold hardcore "bitch." She was aware and by the end of the day even she would turn back to the "bitch." A good other example, sometimes she would be very sexual and dress up in lingerie or ask if I wanted to come over and bang. She would sometimes facetime me with shirt off bouncing her tits. But then at different times after this when I would remind her how I liked that and how sexual she was and what she did (in a good way when saying I wanted that) she would make comments like that's never going to happen again. It would cycle - I remember thinking many times that it was the last time I would see her or have sex with her but then things would get back to "normal." Another good example would be when she discussed her ex husband. She told me if I bring him up or she hears about him she will take it out on me because I am the one around. A transference of all the negative emotions. It seems to me that was a huge issue towards the end. He had come back to town - he had been gone out of town. She said something like I had helped her get over him and that was my purpose (pretty mean comment actually - but I think the emotions of him being back in town messed her up - she thought he might be tracking her, etc. unfounded paranoia thoughts). I missed a facetime call from her while at a bar and called back from bathroom and I remember she made a much bigger deal than should have been made. The reaction was much stronger than normal. Also at the end she made a big deal about how I was supposed to have made her fall in love during the honeymoon stage (she was clearly reading up on stuff like that). The worst was she would just go silent on me and make me beg and beg then she would randomly return. But in the end, she made comments like you are trying to beg me into a relationship stop. That same behavior is what she had conditioned (but we discussed this in the other thread). One of the last convos after not seeing her a while she said she removed the trigger and that I was what caused anxiety, etc. She didn't love me but rather was just "used to me." She believed I was the trigger to her reactive depression. But then would also be fun and happy to see me at times and reality was she was not always depressed and anxious around me; in fact I have many texts stating how much she liked me and cared about me and her huge excitement at seeing me (and the associated effort to try to see me). I think borderline hits on the head (but who knows, again attacking labels but interesting to analyze nonetheless as to not take bad traits/habits from it). That said, to play devil's advocate, the "trigger" for her could have been the fact I was unwilling to move/marry her after less than 2 years. But, she could have also just been associating this with the feelings and chose that. |
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