Moral dilemma of escalating with a tipsy friend

[javi50984]

Last Thursday night, I went out to practice dancing at a small Latin club and I stumbled across an acquaintance (Cat) that goes to the same dancing and kickboxing classes as me; we’ve talked a few times with each other, but it was never flirty. Cat’s friend, Mike, asked me if I could dance with her so she can sober up a little bit. I agreed to it. Cat and I start dancing and she begins to give me flirty compliments: “You look handsome” “you smell good” etc. I give similar compliments to her, but I don’t physically escalate; at certain points she rests her head on my shoulders as we dance. After about 30 minutes, we stop dancing and go outside to Mike, so we can go eat at a local restaurant and sober Cat up a little bit more.


The next day was dancing and kickboxing class. I saw Cat, we joked about last night and she said that she was sorry for being flirty and that it was because she was drunk.

Since this was the first time that I have experienced a drunk friend/acquaintance flirting with me, I didn’t know what to do. She was buzzed, but I didn’t know whether to escalate as if she was just another girl or to avoid a possible awkward ‘shit where you eat’ type situation.






QUESTION: Did I make the right choice by not escalating or should I have made the opposite approach and continue as if nothing was wrong?

[R.C]

Mar 5, 2018 8:02:40 GMT javi50984 said:

You're assuming that something was wrong to begin with. Her actions while drunk or otherwise are her responsibility, not yours. And I know you're looking at this as "taking advantage" or someone, but that really boils down to your intentions. Are you trying to have sex specifically with drunk women because it's easier, or are you attracted to a girl that happens to be drunk right now? 

Shit where you eat all you want. That's a non existing problem. Relationships, of whichever kind, end badly because one or both of the people involved have some underlying social issues, and not because you work together or share some activity. Can it be a bit awkward? Sure. Is it a reason to be passive? Not by a long shot. 

[javi50984]

Duly noted. I won't make the same mistake twice, thank you for the advice, and its nice seeing you here RC

[ebomb31]

Flirt with her sober and see what she does. Use the sober responses to calibrate what's ethical when she's not.

Simple.

[R.C]

Ethics has nothing to do with this. We're all adults and we're all responsible for our own actions. If you're completely sober and target drunk girls exclusively you're not being non ethical, you're just being an asshole and creepy.

This is not that.

[saddog]

In my country if you are sober and the other person is completly drunk/"lost control of her capacities" is consider rape, bacause she lost the ability to consent, so isnt a choice. But since the law is a mix of cultural things and moral(oversimplification), you made the right choice. Although if you are drunk as well, I dont see any problem, wich wasnt the case.

[R.C]

Mar 9, 2018 20:23:19 GMT saddog said:

In my country if you are sober and the other person is completly drunk/"lost control of her capacities" is consider rape, bacause she lost the ability to consent, so isnt a choice. But since the law is a mix of cultural things and moral(oversimplification), you made the right choice. Although if you are drunk as well, I dont see any problem, wich wasnt the case.

And if she gets in the car, kills 3 people on the way home because she's drunk out of her mind, is she excused of the crime as she'd lost the ability to drive? 


Like I said before, there's a very clear difference between being sober and targeting drunk girls, and happening to be sober while the girl you're into happens to be drunk. It's an occurrence, not a pattern. 

[neo87]

If you think the chick is attractive and you'd like to date her, just ask her out. Doesnt matter what happened that night...you didnt escalate not because of ethics but because you just dont escalate. If you were a guy who escalated, you'd have escalated with her a long time ago. If you like her make a move. If you're worried about shitting where you eat, why does it matter?