bapd77
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 3
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Post by bapd77 on Mar 7, 2018 16:10:10 GMT
First time poster but been in the PUA arena for many years. Definitely not a AFC and usually have no problems getting women etc.
I recently divorced and back in the game at 38. So have a question:
Ok so I went out with a girl last night I reconnected with from school. She was my girlfriend many years ago in like 7th grade. Never had sex but have pretty much done everything else but it was over 20 years ago. Conversation was great and we had a good time. Left the restaurant separately and went on our way.
She mentioned her car was in the shop at a local dealer, major metro area, and my cousin happens to be the service manager at this shop. She mentioned it had been down and I told her my cousin worked there. She complained they had her vehicle for several days and she was somewhat irritated. I was going to contact him and see if he could get it done today and then text her and say “Hey, HB, Your car is ready for pickup. 😉”
On one hand I think it could be DHV to show I can get shit done etc but on the other hand, I think it may appear kinda beta. FYI this was the first date we had been on as adults last night for clarification. Thoughts?
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 7, 2018 16:15:23 GMT
I think you're over thinking. If you got pull and can help her out why not. Would you not do this for a friend or anyone else you cared for?
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bapd77
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 3
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Post by bapd77 on Mar 7, 2018 16:54:36 GMT
Sure but you can give the appearance of trying too hard and women pick up on that sometimes.
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 7, 2018 16:59:19 GMT
When in doubt check your intentions.
You're so worried about looking weak it informs your behaviour. Do you feel you're weak?
It's intriguing to me how you have your cars as your profile photo. Its not a dig, its the intent I am curious about and how it may (or may not) relate to your post.
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bapd77
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 3
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Post by bapd77 on Mar 7, 2018 20:12:12 GMT
No, the cars are there because with my job Im not posting a pic of myself. The only thing I’m unsure of is whether she has interest outside of truly catching up. I think if they agree to dinner its most likely they do, I just don't wanna give that needy vibe.
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Post by JackZero on Mar 7, 2018 21:46:47 GMT
We know you reconnected, went out to dinner, and enjoyed each other's company. The thing here is that it doesn't seem like you've done anything to show attraction and that's the reason you are in the position that you are in now and are worrying about how you appear to her. IMO, this seems like a friendly reconnect and because of that, there is no reason for her to see this as a beta move. It also wouldn't be viewed as DHV because friends do favors for friends as N2 pointed out.
If you were out with her and you were flirting with her and pushing escalation and you were met with resistance and then you called to have her car prioritized then that could be interpreted as you trying to sell yourself to her with the things that you can do for her even if the interpretation is incorrect(not that you should be worried about her interpretation because your character will change that in time).
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Post by N2thevoid on Mar 7, 2018 22:43:57 GMT
Put another way. If you are doing the favour with any other intent than as a gift (meaning you expect 0 in return) then DONT DO IT.
Why not? It has everything to do with how yuull feel about yourself. Doing things to seek approval from others means you are placing your self esteem in their hands. You’re doing to receive. And if you don’t get the response you’re looking for you feel bad about your actions. Even if you get the validaton you’re seeking it just reinforces an insidious pattern of neediness that you can only feel ok with yourself if others accept and approve of you.
When you do things from a gift energy you aren’t distraught if they didn’t receive it well. The main thing about this is you want to feel attracted to YOU, this will assure you success in life. When guys lose sight of this and themselves others fall suit and lose respect for them too. Once tactics and strategies fall by the wayside and they see a frail ego underneath.
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Post by R.C on Mar 8, 2018 6:58:40 GMT
I don't usually do these kind of favors for people I just met. Leave the DHV/beta mentality out of it and resort to simple reason. What did she do to earn that favor?
In my honest opinion you're trying to impress her and fear not crossing the line into beta territory, as you put it. In which case you have the wrong motives to begin with.
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Mar 8, 2018 18:31:28 GMT
sometimes, I forget about that. Last night I was with my hot dance teacher(1-1 teaching) theres is sexual tension between us, but you know...professionalism haha. I offered a ride to her, and a huge, HUGE, HUGEEEEEE resistance apperead for just a ride. Things just got weird, I do it for my friends too, so in my mind it was ok, but here(I am in a new town/state, wich have a cultural scene completly different of my home town) can be interpreted as a beta move. So, dont do it, as RC said and others said, it is too early.
If you already did, just ignored and move on. I will do that next time I see her haha, the hot dance teacher
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Mar 8, 2018 18:33:58 GMT
by the way, @r.C how can we copy your material to here? That texts saved me several times...I put myself available to copy or something.
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Post by R.C on Mar 9, 2018 7:15:19 GMT
I think JZ already copied some parts of it.
As far as culture goes, again, don't generalize. Culture is a relevant factor if you're living in the middle east, but other than that report yourself to the individual. Offering a ride is not a big deal and if she took it as such, that's on her, not on you.
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