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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 23, 2020 20:50:40 GMT
I guess this warrants it's own thread and is related to my recent experiences. Basically quick background: a longer term ex and then another ex for a couple months led me back into the game and my skills seem to have really taken off. But, now that I am starting to pull girls that are hotter/better than what I am used to, I have noticed some interesting issues mentally. A really good example is a girl I met who is super hot young beautiful intelligent, and willing to experiment sexually. Met her last week before I had to go out of town. It was a 100 percent perfect meet that ended in f-closing, everything flowed pretty much perfectly, time flew by and it was just great. Also, probably one of the hottest and sexually experimenting I have ever laid. She knew all these "tricks" and was not shy. She made me cum twice and it was amazing sex. But, this is where the issues began. We had made plans for the next day but they fell thru and she sent me some pic of just a drink (prob her out on a wine and dine type date). I told her would only hang again if she did some XYZ stuff and gave me an amazing kiss when I saw her next. So I didn't hear from her for a couple days after texting her about making it to the destination etc. (usually after banging, I am used to hearing something nice and the girl wanting to pursue at least a little). So, mentally following the advice about not being needy, I kind of tried to destroy her in my mind and get over the experience. Luckily and to my great surprise, a couple days later she texted me (which I ignored) and then she texted me again (which I finally responded to). The girl I had been fantasizing about basically actually came back (ha used to it being pretty much done after not hearing anything a couple days). Major issue - was hanging onto every little thing she did i.e. her responding, being hyper sensitive to it to point of wondering and wondering. That doesn't happen when it is with girls in my normal fuck zone. I fought all urges of looking or being needy but internally I still could feel she is out of my league/wanted to spend to text her. Anyway, I expected her to say no but when I get back I say why don't I come over at 11:30pm - well, guess what she said come over. And guess what, she gave me that amazing kiss when I came through the door. Stupidly, I let her make me a drink that was wayyyy too strong (like 6 shots in one). Next thing I was pretty blitzed. But, again, convo flowing and she was loving every second. Side note re why she's so busy - I also noticed she was still doing work even at 1145 pm lol so she is definitely legitimately busy. She got dressed up for me looked great, etc. She starts undressing me and tells me to goto the bed. Well here again, my mind is fucked up, I cannot get rock hard (I want to believe its because of the drinks), but could it be because I was so used to lower tier girls that I mentally screwed myself over? Anyway, I try my best to pleasure her using my finger, mouth, etc. but obviously she wanted me to fuck her hard. I came in her mouth luckily at least lol she did some prostate trick so went from soft to hard in like a min and came, very strange. Then we have some fluff talk and I must be doing something right because she says I am the exception, she has never had someone fuck her in the mouth while standing she's laying on the bed, telling me how nice my chest hair and shoulders are, etc. So, despite her telling me she's into me and proving it to me sexually, I still have some mental issues I suppose. There is some weird dissonance because of her being so hot and generally successful and part of me that doesn't want to fuck it up or look needy at all. I know this sounds pretty dumb but this is a legit issue I am having. Thankfully I have a rotation going because if I didn't I know I would be obsessing over her. But also, how the hell do I keep it working like when she texts me I have issues on how to respond etc. It is the weirdest thing and it's all internal, because clearly she is into me and shares things she finds interesting, etc. This probably is not written the best, but I kind of just wanted to get it all out on paper. She just hits me differently but I think a lot of it is related to the fact I started to force myself to get over her super fast when I didn't need to. She also is aware of how pretty she is because had made comments to me about the other "pretty girls" she assumes I used to see, her tits being so soft and nice enough to be used for putting my face in, my cock in, etc. Also, there is another element to this. I think it is an ego thing vs reality. I know in reality she is actually busy with work but that will seem to lead to plans always being tentative and being cancelled occasionally. She seems like a once a week type girl instead of what I am used to, which is hanging out all the time. I think it will be difficult to adjust to that without taking it as some negative slight when it's just a reality of seeing her. Not sure how best to accept, as messed up as that sounds. Obviously I don't want to be angry about it, but game teaches that any opportunities to hang that are passed up should be grounds for dumping. So that is causing some mental disconnect too. I guess if I am honest, I am used to more "loving" and affection in addition to the sex vs her, who has a colder approach. Maybe I just need to communicate that, but I do not want to seem too needy. I really am not sure how to keep these going after the deed. Usually it seems to flow naturally but then again those relationships ended in a ton of pain.
8.5.2 8.5.2
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chef89
MPUA Forum Addict
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Post by chef89 on Nov 24, 2020 12:31:53 GMT
Youre typing a lot of unnecessary details but if I understand you correctly you're saying that you don't want to LOOK needy and how you should act.
Thats not how it works. You can't hide it when youre feeling needy inside, and that's basically what you're feeling with her. So the solution would be to make sure to not FEEL needy anymore, and the right behaviours will follow.
My question for you is what kind of beliefs make you feel needy? Is it that you think that because she is hot, it means that you are not enough? Then you have to work on that for example. You have to go deeper than only the external behavioural part, because the problem here is with your beliefs about these situation.
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Post by siliconmagician on Nov 24, 2020 14:28:44 GMT
Youre typing a lot of unnecessary details but if I understand you correctly you're saying that you don't want to LOOK needy and how you should act. Thats not how it works. You can't hide it when youre feeling needy inside, and that's basically what you're feeling with her. So the solution would be to make sure to not FEEL needy anymore, and the right behaviours will follow. My question for you is what kind of beliefs make you feel needy? Is it that you think that because she is hot, it means that you are not enough? Then you have to work on that for example. You have to go deeper than only the external behavioural part, because the problem here is with your beliefs about these situation. That's not always easy. I know I have been there and I know full blown naturals who look at most women as nothing but play toys melt into slobbering fools when they get with a truly hot and high quality woman. I think a large part of it is so few women are cute, in shape, got their shit together, etc that they really are rare. The problem isn't us. We're supposed to want to spend time with them and want to fall in love and shit. That's our mate protection instinct. I feel the fact we have to hide our natural instincts behind a veil of aloofness and unavailability a problem with how women are socialized in society, not us.
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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 24, 2020 17:56:03 GMT
Youre typing a lot of unnecessary details but if I understand you correctly you're saying that you don't want to LOOK needy and how you should act. Thats not how it works. You can't hide it when youre feeling needy inside, and that's basically what you're feeling with her. So the solution would be to make sure to not FEEL needy anymore, and the right behaviours will follow. My question for you is what kind of beliefs make you feel needy? Is it that you think that because she is hot, it means that you are not enough? Then you have to work on that for example. You have to go deeper than only the external behavioural part, because the problem here is with your beliefs about these situation. That's not always easy. I know I have been there and I know full blown naturals who look at most women as nothing but play toys melt into slobbering fools when they get with a truly hot and high quality woman. I think a large part of it is so few women are cute, in shape, got their shit together, etc that they really are rare. The problem isn't us. We're supposed to want to spend time with them and want to fall in love and shit. That's our mate protection instinct. I feel the fact we have to hide our natural instincts behind a veil of aloofness and unavailability a problem with how women are socialized in society, not us. I wanted to give the details just in case there was a blindspot on my end that I was missing and wanted to give the honest details. But yeah, I am not sure why I feel needy, I think I just truly like her like what siliconmagician is saying because compared to the ones I normally have no problems with, she is just so much better and actually has a ton of the qualities I value and what I want. Most girls I come into contact with are lacking in some area, she seems to have it all together but I do not think I could handle one on one with her. I know I would be too into her and want to see her more often than she can, etc. That in turn would make me start looking all needy (which is the issue I want to get out ahead of). The neediness feeling is definitely inside, I think it is probably from not wanting to get hurt again honestly lol or maybe because she's not entirely obssesed with me like my exes were and the change throws me off. So working on it would mean not feel needy, but I think the excitement and fun of it is that she is better and if I kill the feeling in my mind to make her just like any of the other ones, then I lose that same excitement. It really is a tough one. I mean for me, it seems I get hurt when I am exclusive in a one on one type deal because all the eggs go in the basket and then it is just so traumatizing when it ends. But the feeling during it is pretty great. Now that I am trying a good rotational method, it seems a good way to keep feelings at bay but at the same time it also kind of makes them not as good. Very replaceable but also minimizes the amount of pleasure with any one of them and in turn the amount I can get hurt by any one of them. I wish we didn't need to use the whole veil but then as we know we lose our attractiveness. There has got to be some bridge from the aloof/busy in demand mode to being honest with a woman how you feel without destroying all of the attraction. Or, maybe there isn't? Like in an ideal world I could just be honest and tell her I am into her. But we know we do not initiate that convo, we let them do so. So it is like on one end in my mind I know I want that but on the other I know how I must act to actually get her to want it. That's why I think this is a good convo for inner game and trying to figure out how to reconcile that mentally. What do you guys think? 8.5.2 8.5.2
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Nov 24, 2020 19:32:27 GMT
I wouldn't worry about it too much OP. You're already aware of exactly how you need to play it, with her (you're already doing it now). And you just need to keep doing that. You're basically using your abundance that you have with all the other girls..to keep the attraction with this girl going. Until the day comes..when your value becomes much higher than hers..that's what you're going to have to continue to do. Here's a hint for you -----> get girls that are much hotter than her. Once she knows that you can get girls that are hotter than her (trust me..they already know if you can or not)..you can do no wrong. Neediness won't even be a factor at that point. Because no matter how needy that she believes that you are for her..she still knows that she can always lose you. Because she knows, that you can always just get a girl that's much hotter than her. And that's the way that it is, with any of these women. Raise your comfort level of the hottest girl that you can possibly get, above where she is..in terms of hotness. And that's how you solve that problem.
-G
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Post by JackZero on Nov 24, 2020 20:09:51 GMT
I'm going to address the neediness a bit. I am not surprised that you feel a bit needy and I don't mean that as an insult. I mean that because of your described experiences with your two ex's. Both of these girls gave you a degree of comfort because they told you how much they cared about you but at the same time they still left. Here you are now with a hotter chick who obviously has more options. It would be understandable to be a bit insecure based on your past. If those two ex's left you out of the blue, what would stop this one from doing the same thing? That is an understandable line of thinking since this is a bit new for you...and again this is not meant as an insult.
I could be wrong, but to me you come across as a guy that makes women in your life a priority. I think it's more important for you to stay on mission. What I mean by that is you have to have a goal in life that make a woman a secondary part of your life. This will keep you from being needy. This will make a woman that's attracted to you try to figure out a way to fit in your life as opposed to you trying to keep from losing her. Victories in your life's mission allows a woman to be a bonus instead of a goal.
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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 25, 2020 16:52:13 GMT
I'm going to address the neediness a bit. I am not surprised that you feel a bit needy and I don't mean that as an insult. I mean that because of your described experiences with your two ex's. Both of these girls gave you a degree of comfort because they told you how much they cared about you but at the same time they still left. Here you are now with a hotter chick who obviously has more options. It would be understandable to be a bit insecure based on your past. If those two ex's left you out of the blue, what would stop this one from doing the same thing? That is an understandable line of thinking since this is a bit new for you...and again this is not meant as an insult. I could be wrong, but to me you come across as a guy that makes women in your life a priority. I think it's more important for you to stay on mission. What I mean by that is you have to have a goal in life that make a woman a secondary part of your life. This will keep you from being needy. This will make a woman that's attracted to you try to figure out a way to fit in your life as opposed to you trying to keep from losing her. Victories in your life's mission allows a woman to be a bonus instead of a goal. Thanks - that makes a lot of sense. When following the mission though does that mean just not being super responsive to the women? Only seeing them sometimes? Being non-committal? That said, since the original dumpage and getting back in the game some things I have done that have totally made me feel way better - started a business and started going to the gym (after putting on a bit of a belly). Cardio for 30 min a day for like 5 days a week makes me feel very happy if any of you guys are getting down. I need to incorporate more weights, but just doing some sort of work out seems to keep me happy hopefully works for you guys too. About the exes, yes you are right. It sucks but I had enjoyed the comfort. Now that I am not in that mindset, it really is an adjustment mentally. My mind is adjusting and there's almost a weird feeling of like WTF who was that person? Those girls are also fading and losing value in my mind, it is a bit sad if I am honest. But the reality is, they are gone and those are just ghosts in my head now. As a maybe ironic aside, one of the girls I hadn't seen in a week and a half wanted to hang out yesterday. We had fun, did the deed, etc. She kept telling me she was scared and that I would be leaving her. So accidentally I was making her feel the way I know I would feel with the HB had I not had a rotation. Maybe for me, the rotation method is the best way to prevent me from getting attached to any one girl. It seems it creates the illusion of scarcity to a pretty good degree. Of course, the other irony is I keep trying to hang with the one who is hotter but she legitimately works all the time. I have to be careful not to come off needy to her but at same time not just blow it. She is all about tentative plans, and I have no doubt she is actually busy. The old me would of just got super pissed and blew myself out of the water by coming off too aggressive but I am trying to be more understanding and play it cool (since I can spend time with the other ones until HB has time to see me). The question is, am I playing myself by being chill about it, or should I stick to the old instadump at any opportunity to spend time missed? For example when she says let's tentatively plan for day X, should I say don't hit me up until you can make a solid time and date? To me, that seems it will ruin things and create negativity. Whereas if I say well just let me know when you can actually meet up and we can do something fun, I think it conveys some chillness and non-neediness. She has been texting me and stuff, so she is into me. I guess this is part of my evolution in becoming better and had been a sticking point. At worst, I want this HB to be my practice for future HBs so it is a good one to develop with. 8.5.2
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Post by JackZero on Nov 25, 2020 17:26:48 GMT
What I mean by "staying on mission" is to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to reach your goals. For example, you said that you are in the gym and starting your own business. Let's say your goal is to hit the gym at 8am to 9am every single day. Then you work on your business for the next 12 hours. That means your free time is starts at 9pm. Let's say you meet this hot girl that wants to spend time with you but she works nights. She let's you know that she wants to spend time with you but it would require you giving up some of your business and/or gym time. The moment you give her any of that time, you are going off mission. You have put her above your goals and therefore going off mission.
If you stay on mission, you don't have to worry about if you are or aren't being super responsive. You'll only see them when your time allows for it. You won't have to think about being committal or not. Your value will keep her around and your mission will keep you from displaying those needy traits.
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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 25, 2020 17:34:26 GMT
What I mean by "staying on mission" is to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to reach your goals. For example, you said that you are in the gym and starting your own business. Let's say your goal is to hit the gym at 8am to 9am every single day. Then you work on your business for the next 12 hours. That means your free time is starts at 9pm. Let's say you meet this hot girl that wants to spend time with you but she works nights. She let's you know that she wants to spend time with you but it would require you giving up some of your business and/or gym time. The moment you give her any of that time, you are going off mission. You have put her above your goals and therefore going off mission. If you stay on mission, you don't have to worry about if you are or aren't being super responsive. You'll only see them when your time allows for it. You won't have to think about being committal or not. Your value will keep her around and your mission will keep you from displaying those needy traits. Ok sorry if this sounds dumb, but I am trying to fully absorb what you are saying. I "get it" but also trying to understand in relation to the interactions with women. Like I would not meet before 9 (which is how it currently is, usually cannot do anything until 9 by the time I finish everything). So do you basically go off the grid until then and just ignore the messages? Or do you respond inconsistently? Just trying to visualize the JackZero method in action. Like I could totally just not even respond to the HB and I will be fine with it, but also could respond. I am totally open to trying new things now as part of growth.
8.5.2
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Post by JackZero on Nov 25, 2020 18:21:08 GMT
You respond when you have time to respond or when it's necessary to respond. It doesn't get any deeper than that. How it relates to your interactions with women is that you are putting yourself and your goals first. If you are putting yourself and your goals first then no woman can take you away from that mission. The reward in that is 1) success and 2) real time restraints that she'll have to overcome to be in your life (investment).
I'm not a fan of putting in effort to show a woman that I'm busy because that's me investing in proving something to her. I like actually being busy. My inner game doesn't revolve around women but it rewards me with them. If you have a business that you are getting off the ground right now and you stay on mission that drive will reward you with women without you even trying to get them. They will want to be around you because of that drive.
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Nov 26, 2020 0:53:30 GMT
It's taken years of self training, but I treat all women the same. No matter how hot or perfect they are, all in the rotation are just a number and none of them gets special treatment or are ranked one above the other. There is max of 3 in any rotation and if a better ones becomes available, then one is dropped off the rotation, or if they have good friendship potential, then they are friendzoned "Yes, guys can place women in there too"!
Obviously the hotter ones will tempt you to single them out and give them special attention such as rewarding bad behaviour, but you should refrain from doing that.
Now, a woman who has her shit together and is genuinely busy is a good sign. She doesn't have drama in her life, as she simply doesn't have time for it, but a word of caution if you want this to go down the exclusivity route. Most of these types just do not have the time for exclusive companionship, but just want a guy who has got his shit together, can handle himself around her and give her a good time when you can fit each other in. Sometimes it maybe several weeks between seeing each other, but that is just how it is. Just enjoy the ride while it lasts. However, that's not to say that if she can see over time that you can handle the long breaks and can still keep that spark alive, that she may dangle the carrot and discuss you moving in if you make a great team.
In good time, while mind blowing sex is good at the beginning, make sure you shake it up a bit. Sure, booking activities will be troublesome, but in time, if you just keep things chill and fresh, she will make a weekend available. All you have to do is plant a seed in her head about a fun packed day out, and let her think about much fun it would be, and she will make time.
Most guys get comfortable and in a routine, and in time they just get bored and next you. So keep it fresh and exciting when you see each other. Keep her guessing and keep that element of mystery in her mind. Like a story, that never ends, with cliff hangers at the end of every chapter, that make her want to read the following chapter.
As for good fits for me, girls who have that devious look in their and a cheeky grin are my weakness. They just scream "fun and dirty" and its still a challenge to contain my excitement and set my hopes for a following round of fun. I have one like this in my rotation. She knows this, as she told me that I try so hard to hide it, but said once they have had a bit of the ol Rosie, they always come back for more and that I was no exception and I may as well just admit it. She is a real windup merchant. Its a constant game with her. Like a drug.
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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 26, 2020 15:53:49 GMT
It's taken years of self training, but I treat all women the same. No matter how hot or perfect they are, all in the rotation are just a number and none of them gets special treatment or are ranked one above the other. There is max of 3 in any rotation and if a better ones becomes available, then one is dropped off the rotation, or if they have good friendship potential, then they are friendzoned "Yes, guys can place women in there too"! Obviously the hotter ones will tempt you to single them out and give them special attention such as rewarding bad behaviour, but you should refrain from doing that. Now, a woman who has her shit together and is genuinely busy is a good sign. She doesn't have drama in her life, as she simply doesn't have time for it, but a word of caution if you want this to go down the exclusivity route. Most of these types just do not have the time for exclusive companionship, but just want a guy who has got his shit together, can handle himself around her and give her a good time when you can fit each other in. Sometimes it maybe several weeks between seeing each other, but that is just how it is. Just enjoy the ride while it lasts. However, that's not to say that if she can see over time that you can handle the long breaks and can still keep that spark alive, that she may dangle the carrot and discuss you moving in if you make a great team. In good time, while mind blowing sex is good at the beginning, make sure you shake it up a bit. Sure, booking activities will be troublesome, but in time, if you just keep things chill and fresh, she will make a weekend available. All you have to do is plant a seed in her head about a fun packed day out, and let her think about much fun it would be, and she will make time. Most guys get comfortable and in a routine, and in time they just get bored and next you. So keep it fresh and exciting when you see each other. Keep her guessing and keep that element of mystery in her mind. Like a story, that never ends, with cliff hangers at the end of every chapter, that make her want to read the following chapter. As for good fits for me, girls who have that devious look in their and a cheeky grin are my weakness. They just scream "fun and dirty" and its still a challenge to contain my excitement and set my hopes for a following round of fun. I have one like this in my rotation. She knows this, as she told me that I try so hard to hide it, but said once they have had a bit of the ol Rosie, they always come back for more and that I was no exception and I may as well just admit it. She is a real windup merchant. Its a constant game with her. Like a drug. Thanks for the insight - I am getting to the point of needing to drop some from the rotation and re-stock. I just have a better feeling with some over the others. How do you go about doing it best since you have knowledge from experience? I feel like it is going to be hard at first but will become pretty easy after I do it a few times. Also, though, who knows if this just a good streak - that is my biggest fear of cutting some out; do not want to "relapse" to AFCdom or start hitting up the exes that hurt me again. The hotter one is definitely trying to tempt me but it seems fair - we had tentative plans yesterday but she was legit busy and rather than fight or anything she asks if I am free Fri or Sat, which is fine by me. I came up with a plan for Sat for her to get all dolled up and to get us dinner and drinks (and for her to escape the stress of the everyday and her job). She said she loved the idea but wants me to get dressed up and maybe get her flowers for her video calls with work in exchange. She is into me and wants to show it off I guess. I think this would be more a rewarding good behavior thing and something that she truly cares about. I think it will genuinely make her happy and wants her colleagues to see someone is into her. Trap or is it OK to get the flowers? I was thinking of surprising her with some via delievery before we hang. But I could do in person too when I see her. What do you think? Honestly as you said, she has her shit together and if I was in the mindset of looking for a LTR or wife, she would be excellent (very very good job (I-banking), beautiful, shit together, and sexually adventurous as well as a youthful glow at 23. I know you are not supposed to really rank them, but in reality she is educated and so our conversations just click and she can follow what I say and vice versa. That is a sticking point with a lot of "avg girls." But yeah, I am not really in a gf mindset at the moment and I think the having a great time whenever I see her and just playing cool that she can only hang sometimes is the way to go. 8.5.5 8.5.5
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Nov 27, 2020 0:12:50 GMT
With dropping them off the Rotation, it's pretty simple. "Hi *****, been meaning to speak to you but have been mega busy. I'm sorry but don't think this is going anywhere between us but give me a call if you ever fancy hanging out as friends".
Job done. They will either call you player, a typical male, all they want is sex etc, but just brush it off, block and delete their details etc or may even go "I think your right, but in a few weeks, come hang with my mates and bring yours out to xxx and we will get smashed will be a right laugh". Takes 5 minutes lol.
Sounds like she is into fun and games. Next thing you know, you will find yourself handcuffed to the bed....
Just have fun with her, and let things take care of themselves. Don't overthink it. Even wind her up about the flowers, call her a show off etc, make it fun and not seeking her approval.
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Post by flyingbanana on Nov 27, 2020 1:07:31 GMT
With dropping them off the Rotation, it's pretty simple. "Hi *****, been meaning to speak to you but have been mega busy. I'm sorry but don't think this is going anywhere between us but give me a call if you ever fancy hanging out as friends". Job done. They will either call you player, a typical male, all they want is sex etc, but just brush it off, block and delete their details etc or may even go "I think your right, but in a few weeks, come hang with my mates and bring yours out to xxx and we will get smashed will be a right laugh". Takes 5 minutes lol. Sounds like she is into fun and games. Next thing you know, you will find yourself handcuffed to the bed.... Just have fun with her, and let things take care of themselves. Don't overthink it. Even wind her up about the flowers, call her a show off etc, make it fun and not seeking her approval. Ha yeah that does sound pretty easy, guess I just have to get used to that mindset and do it a few times before it will be like nothing. She's great but I agree will be hard to bond - guess we will have to use the time we do spend together to do so and lots of good sex and imagination. She is starting to text me more and more but I am still pretty sporadic with my responses as to not seem needy lol. Fine line. 8.5.5
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Post by flyingbanana on Dec 1, 2020 20:59:46 GMT
So, had another nice night with the HB the other day but I realizing there is something that will be a major issue for me as I am used to seeing a woman more often. Obviously, the first part of the equation is done, we have banged multiple times at this point. But, the question is how do I keep the rapport going when we do not see each other? She seems fine with only texting every few days but I would like to keep this going for a while sexually. Any games/ideas/suggestions you guys use? The hard part seems to have been the easiest in this case and now it's like working backwards loll. I think I risk losing her by completely falling off the planet and only waiting for her to text me too. 8.5.5
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