Can you provide comfort after being rejected?

[dan27]

His guys,

I have a question for you can you provide comfort after you have been rejected or should you just wait for them to come back?

Situation

Slept with a girl ONS a year ago. Saw her a couple of times before lockdown before she moved away. She came back to my area and I met up with her again and during lockdown before xmas we were seeing each other 2 times a week for a month and a half. It was always a casual thing for me and her until she started asking for more during lockdown.

She asked on two separate occasions if I was sleeping with other people and telling me she isn’t and asking for more. I told her I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else because I was content but “don’t get your hopes up”. She also called me on the phone drunk with all her flat mates on loud speaker saying we had been seeing each other for a year and I had to tell her it had only been two months (friends probably aren’t on my side).

During xmas I was with family and so was she. She sent me loads of messages and I would return them but I did ask her quite a few times when would she be returning so we could meet. We arranged to meet but before me and her came back to the same area we both stopped speaking for 5 days. She hit me up on insta when she was back and I asked her if she wanted to meet up and didn’t get a reply then I text and called her (I was drunk) asking if she wanted to come round tonight as had mates round but didn’t get a text back till the morning. I phoned her again but she didn’t get back to me till the following day with a call.

Her - I don’t see you as someone I want a relationship with after lockdown I don’t know about you? (She completely did a 180 on me)
Me – I don’t know I’m not sure. Do you want to see me again?
Her – I do want to see you again just once a month as it was too intense before. I don’t want to hurt you
Me – You don’t have to worry about me. I wanted to see you this week as I had the week off work so I can’t hide that I’m disappointed but you have obviously made your mind up (we had arranged to meet)
(casual chat)
Her – I’ll see you around.

Haven’t spoked for 3 weeks but she did say happy birthday a week ago and I replied with thank you

It feels to me that I didn’t have enough comfort with her so is protecting herself but can I bring it back by trying to build comfort now and get her friends on my side i.e. send a cheeky V – Day card. Or do I just need to wait it out until she comes back and then build comfort then?

Thanks guys

[curtis72]

You asked her quite a bit in the third paragraph and she said no, now in the recent encounter she rejected you for being “needy” basically. Unfortunately she isn’t coming back, so there’s nothing you can really do. Personally, once a girl has rejected me I don’t bother with the “I’ll see you around messages” myself as it’s gg.

[JackZero]

She asked on two separate occasions if I was sleeping with other people and telling me she isn’t and asking for more. I told her I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else because I was content but “don’t get your hopes up”. She also called me on the phone drunk with all her flat mates on loud speaker saying we had been seeing each other for a year and I had to tell her it had only been two months (friends probably aren’t on my side).

What kind of comfort are you looking to provide?  A girl starts probing into potential relationship questions and your response is "don't get your hopes up" is basically taking away all roads to being able to provide comfort.

[GFRESH2DEF]

OP she was chasing you, right up until you started to ask her out. And you asked her to meet up with you, multiple times..if i'm correct (please correct me if i'm wrong). So then the attraction dynamic between you and her, has flipped completely around. A basic attraction principle, for you to remember for future reference OP is.."Girls like to chase after a guy..but girls do not like to be chased after, by a guy". Always remember that. Also, people in general..tend to appreciate someone alot more, when that person isn't too eager to want to be around them or with them. So in the future..just be a bit more aloof, and alot less eager to meet up with a chick. Yes you want to make things happen with her, by setting up a meet up or date with her..but you have to pull her in more, and push her less. Almost make it as if..it's her idea, to want to see you again. And that was kind of the case at the beginning (she was chasing you)..until you started forcing the issue (until you started pushing for the meetup). I don't know how you can salvage this. But if she does hit you up again..just let her do the work. And in the meantime..you just lure her in, with cheeky flirting. Maybe that will get her on the hook again. And if she wants to meet up with you..you will know! Because she will suggest it herself, and that's when you take the lead, and set up the time and place. But do it without any eagerness in your vibe. Just be real chill about it, and you should be good.




-G  

[N2thevoid]

Sounds like she wanted more and you didn’t.

She told herself you aren’t on the same page and you’re likely getting the brunt end of her frustration and possibly anger.

Not sure what she was referring to as intense
“ Her – I do want to see you again just once a month as it was too intense before. I don’t want to hurt you”

I think in the end you need to figure out what you’re wanting with this person and be congruent w that.