poolek
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 7
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Post by poolek on Apr 6, 2018 21:50:16 GMT
So I was never jelaous or overprotective about my girlfriend, and I never forbid her to go somehere or meet someone. But today she said she want extra job so she have interview tomorrow in a restaurant. I wouldn't mind that but she would work with her friend which I completely dislike. Its because that friend openly was encouraging her to cheat on me (she knew we are together but she was saying she should be dating other guys lol). So I said to my gf I'm completely against it and I don't like that idea at all. My gf said she understand that and she won't be working there. She said that but I saw she is a lil upset by that. Was I overprotective ?
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Post by JackZero on Apr 6, 2018 22:54:50 GMT
I'm guessing that friend couldn't convince her to cheat, right? (Well, at least as far as you know)
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poolek
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 7
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Post by poolek on Apr 7, 2018 0:29:42 GMT
She didn't convinced her to cheat, my gf said to her to stop talking like that and she stopped. She told me about whole situation. My gf is really honest with me and never broke my trust or disrespected me in any way so far.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 7, 2018 0:44:21 GMT
It sounds like you are being insecure and not overprotective. She handled her friend before and didn't need your protection.
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poolek
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 7
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Post by poolek on Apr 7, 2018 22:05:43 GMT
I felt disrespected by that girl, that's why I said I don't like that. I wouldn't mind her doing anything anywhere with anybody as long as it's not this girl. I totally dislike her. Should I kept quiet and not say anything ? Everywhere I read it clearly says that If I don't like something I should say it, otherwise my girlfriend won't respect me.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 7, 2018 22:51:01 GMT
You are on your first steps of losing your girlfriend. Everything that you read so far must not be written by people that don't know how to keep a woman around because this will end up biting you in the ass later on down the line. You tell her when you don't like something that directly affects you. You don't like her going through your phone, you tell her. You don't like her calling you after midnight, you tell her. Her working with someone that you don't like doesn't affect you. Because it doesn't affect you, you'll be labeled as insecure or controlling (or both) if more things that don't affect you start getting complaints. So yes, you should have stayed quiet and not said anything.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 8, 2018 3:12:15 GMT
Hmm, Jack I'm not so sure its that simple.
I can relate to some extent to the Op. Back in November my ex ended things when I had confronted her that it didn't sit well with her that I took major umbrage with her being close again with a friend who threw her under the bus before (the one that had her harassed at work). Now I'm not saying the situations here parallel completely. But the fact remained it was my ex's judgement that I put into question (and I made it clear to her that was the case). I suspect it is similar here where the Op doesn't trust his girlfriend not cheating, whereas in mine it was questioning her integrity as after all who continues on with a friend who contributed to her having been bullied at her place of work for several months.
So I wonder if there's legitimacy to the Op's complaint, or if he's simply projecting his insecurities onto her in which case I'd agree with your point.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 8, 2018 3:28:46 GMT
She didn't convinced her to cheat, my gf said to her to stop talking like that and she stopped. She told me about whole situation. My gf is really honest with me and never broke my trust or disrespected me in any way so far. This is the reason I think this is more insecurity than anything else. Not to mention that this is about a job and not just socializing. |
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 8, 2018 4:10:41 GMT
So his gf did in fact draw a boundary, and as such unless you're not being forthcoming there's no reason to not trust her. If you're saying she's as honest as she is then this is your issue, and yes if not dealt with it could interfere with your relationship.
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poolek
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 7
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Post by poolek on Apr 8, 2018 13:01:40 GMT
I do trust my gf, but I don't want her to be around a person that have bad influence on her. But from what you guys said I'm just insecure and im explaining myself in that way. So I need to know how to work on this because I don't want to be insecure, and I don't want to make steps to lose my gf. I trust her fully right now so if it's my insecurity where did it came from ?
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Post by JackZero on Apr 8, 2018 16:19:15 GMT
So you trust her fully "right now". Will you trust her fully if she took the job? If the answer to either of those questions has a no in it, you can probably identify where your insecurity comes from.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 8, 2018 16:34:28 GMT
You trust her only because she gave you an answer that allays your insecurities. If you don't deal with this, you will push her away without a doubt.
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poolek
MPUA Forum Newbie
Posts: 7
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Post by poolek on Apr 8, 2018 17:20:10 GMT
By saying to deal with this you mean this situation or my insecurities overall ? What should I do about this particular situation ? My gf acting ok and she never spoke about that again, and I don't want to be incoherent by saying now that im fine with that.
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Post by R.C on Apr 10, 2018 7:48:40 GMT
No friend can convince anyone to cheat on their partner if said people are happy together. It's not like the friend will hold a gun to her head. You can't put people in a protective bubble and isolate them from everyone you consider a threat, regardless if it's justified or not. It's mentally exhausting, not to mention ineffective and unsustainable.
I'd simply communicate to her that she can obviously do as she wishes, but at the same time express that I don't entire understand why someone who she calls a friend has a habit of actively trying to persuade her to ruin her lovelife. That's pretty much it.
You're both in a relationship together, and you're both responsible for it's wellbeing. There's two scenarios here OP.
1) Her friend convinces her to cheat and she does. Would you want someone who so easily falls to influence as a girlfriend? I wouldn't.
2) She just brushes off the comments and remains committed to you, despite a "bad influence". As far as I'm concerned, a self aware and self sufficient girl is who I'd want in my life.
It's a win-win situation for you.
And by the way, there's nothing wrong with going back on a decision because you've had time to think it over more clearly. That doesn't show incoherence, it shows maturity.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 10, 2018 15:41:16 GMT
Building on what RC said, let the friend out herself. If your girlfriend has any sort of integrity she will with time realize this friend is not right for her. If, on the other hand she's swayed by the friend then clearly she's not worth having around to begin with.
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