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Post by tordivel on Jan 12, 2024 2:02:52 GMT
I'm in Brazil as part of a pilgrimage to drink Ayahuasca. I live in an ashram for 3-months, having a break from my life in Europe, and here we have regular ayahuasca ceremonies as part of the schedule together with other activities like yoga and meditation.
So in this ashram I've met a woman I have very strong chemistry with, and we have been dating for a month now. However, for some strange reason she is very sceptical about ayahuasca, even though she visited this ayahuasca center (she came here for massage therapy).
So her sceptisism has been turning into a problem for us. She can be pretty unreasonable too, questioning whether I'm addicted to this stuff and so on.
I really like her, and there is very strong chemistry between us, but this issue is almost turning into a deal-breaker.
We are going to spend our 3rd weekend together in a row this weekend, staying in her appartment from friday to monday, and we have a lot of fun stuff planned. I know this is going to become an issue against at certain phases of our interaction that will probably almost feel like breaking-points of our relationship.
I'm wondering for this time if I can rather try to navigate our conversations and activites around other things rather than accepting intellectual explorations around the phenomena of ayahuasca. I'm a reasonable and responsible guy, so I give good explanations for everything she is asking about, but her sceptisism and negative attitude remains no matter how good explanations I give.
Any tips on what to do? It is pretty sad that what would otherwise almost have been a perfect relationship, or the start of a really good relationship, can be sabotaged by such a silly disagreement like this.
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Post by JackZero on Jan 12, 2024 6:28:24 GMT
Does this mean that she's bring the subject up or is it you? I feel like something is left out of this. Perhaps it's because you are placing the responsibility on her skepticism without getting into detail. Maybe it's because I'm not understanding who this is a dealbreaker. For me, if I'm being honest, it reads that you are experimenting with ayahuasca and you are trying to get her to understand and she doesn't like it and that bothers you.
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Post by tordivel on Jan 12, 2024 11:42:38 GMT
Well, we are sort of surrounded by the subject since our social circle now consist only of ayahuasca people. She drove me and 3 friends to a ceremony last weekend where she also participated but without drinking. But yeah, you are right about me wanting to be understood. I discussed it with another woman here and she said it sounds like we are getting stuck in wanting to be right. So I should probably just accept our different world views and see if I can let go of my desire for being understood by her. I think she must get triggered by some insecurity coming to the surface on my part by this thing and it feels like because of this she is continuing to test me. If I can own this phenomena within myself, maybe it takes some sort of pressure off her that I'm subconsciously putting on her. So yeah, I totally think you were getting the essence of this, and thank you very much for your feedback!! :-)
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Post by JackZero on Jan 12, 2024 18:05:43 GMT
Ok...that makes sense. It sounds like she's actually more accepting of this if she's willing to drive you there. She still wants to have a good time with you on the weekend. The fact that you would refer to it as an almost perfect relationship, you should try to respect that she doesn't agree with the practice for herself but accepts that you do it. That's kind of cool on her behalf.
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Post by Alex Penn on Jan 17, 2024 21:12:40 GMT
I'm in Brazil as part of a pilgrimage to drink Ayahuasca. I live in an ashram for 3-months, having a break from my life in Europe, and here we have regular ayahuasca ceremonies as part of the schedule together with other activities like yoga and meditation. So in this ashram I've met a woman I have very strong chemistry with, and we have been dating for a month now. However, for some strange reason she is very sceptical about ayahuasca, even though she visited this ayahuasca center (she came here for massage therapy). So her sceptisism has been turning into a problem for us. She can be pretty unreasonable too, questioning whether I'm addicted to this stuff and so on. I really like her, and there is very strong chemistry between us, but this issue is almost turning into a deal-breaker. We are going to spend our 3rd weekend together in a row this weekend, staying in her appartment from friday to monday, and we have a lot of fun stuff planned. I know this is going to become an issue against at certain phases of our interaction that will probably almost feel like breaking-points of our relationship. I'm wondering for this time if I can rather try to navigate our conversations and activites around other things rather than accepting intellectual explorations around the phenomena of ayahuasca. I'm a reasonable and responsible guy, so I give good explanations for everything she is asking about, but her sceptisism and negative attitude remains no matter how good explanations I give. Any tips on what to do? It is pretty sad that what would otherwise almost have been a perfect relationship, or the start of a really good relationship, can be sabotaged by such a silly disagreement like this. Hey! It's great you've found a strong connection, but the Ayahuasca skepticism is causing issues. For the weekend, focus on light, enjoyable activities. Beforehand, talk openly about your positive experiences and encourage her to share her concerns. Find common ground and aim for mutual understanding. |
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Post by tordivel on Jan 17, 2024 23:36:19 GMT
Hello! We spent this weekend together. 4 very full days in total, and it was surprisingly successful. None of us delved into the topics where we have before locked horns.
However, being back in the ashram now and relaxing into the calm, meditative atmosphere here again, I still feel there is something that is very off about our dynamics. She has also admitted that she has trust-issues, and that she is trying to fix me. She admitted this at an earlier date.
I would say 90 % of our interaction, at least on the surface, is really fun, and that 10 % is friction. But it takes all my skills of diplomacy and agreeability to make humour out of her constant remarks of criticism and nagging. So this has turned into a fun game between us where we play out various sterotypes and laugh about it, but still the energy from her is that there is some constant criticism / nagging towards me, and at the end of the day it doesn't feel good. It would be much more satisfying with an energy that was warm, open, accepting, loving and trusting.
So she is a very charming, pleasant and fun person. She gives out a lot of energy in social situations, but in a very strange way she is also very judgemental.
Her buddhism must have made her very agreeable I think, but also somewhat dogmatic and judgemental.
Any tips on how to deal with this?
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Post by Alex Penn on Jan 23, 2024 20:21:29 GMT
It's great that you had a successful weekend together, but it sounds like the underlying dynamics are still causing some discomfort. Trust issues and the desire to "fix" someone can be challenging. Considering the positive aspects, have you thought about having an open conversation about the energy you both bring to the relationship? Understanding each other's perspectives might be a step towards creating a more warm and trusting dynamic. How do you envision addressing these concerns with her?
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Post by JackZero on Jan 23, 2024 21:51:35 GMT
Hello! We spent this weekend together. 4 very full days in total, and it was surprisingly successful. None of us delved into the topics where we have before locked horns.
However, being back in the ashram now and relaxing into the calm, meditative atmosphere here again, I still feel there is something that is very off about our dynamics. She has also admitted that she has trust-issues, and that she is trying to fix me. She admitted this at an earlier date.
I would say 90 % of our interaction, at least on the surface, is really fun, and that 10 % is friction. But it takes all my skills of diplomacy and agreeability to make humour out of her constant remarks of criticism and nagging. So this has turned into a fun game between us where we play out various sterotypes and laugh about it, but still the energy from her is that there is some constant criticism / nagging towards me, and at the end of the day it doesn't feel good. It would be much more satisfying with an energy that was warm, open, accepting, loving and trusting.
So she is a very charming, pleasant and fun person. She gives out a lot of energy in social situations, but in a very strange way she is also very judgemental.
Her buddhism must have made her very agreeable I think, but also somewhat dogmatic and judgemental.
Any tips on how to deal with this? There is a part here that is being glossed over. Can you explain a bit of what the statement that I may want you to focus in on actually means? |
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