Mon FR

[tinman]

Opened a girl at the bar next to me after making eye contact briefly.
Said ''Hey! How's your night going?'' She looked a bit confused like she wondered why I was talking to her. Not sure whether to use a statement of empathy with night game like ''I know this is weird, me talking to you, but bla bla bla'' like they do in day game, but I didn't in this instance. She gave me confused ''fine..?...''. I asked what she was up too tonight but she looked at me and then back-turned. Not to worry. Move on to the next. I guess I wasn't her type

Opened girl standing at one of the tables near the dancefloor who appeared to be watching people dance. Opened with something like ''you look like you want to get out there and dance''. She said ''I do? No. I'm good''. I asked her name and she gave it. Asked her what she had going on that night and where she was gonna end up. She mentioned the main club down the road. Her body language looked a bit uncomfortable and I thought about ejecting as I thought she was probably another 'no girl' but decided to give it a few more seconds. Tried to cold read her job to make conversation. Think I guessed teacher. She said she was a beautician. I accused her of watching weird videos on youtube or people squeezing spots and she sort of laughed and said 'gross'. I felt for a second that she might start to open up a little here (hadn't asked me anything back and kept her answers super short with disinterested body language) since I got her to smile. Asked her how old she was. She told me (22). Racking my brain for things to ask her now and there was an awkward silence which she used as a way too excuse herself and she bailed.

Next open was almost identical. Opened girl with a comment on an item of her clothing. ''I like your jacket'' or something. Confused looking 'thanks'. Went through the whole name/age/plans for the night stuff. Facial expression just looked a bit uncomfortable. I likely bored her, but not on purpose. Just don't know what fun things to say to make her laugh at this stage in the interaction when her guard is still up. At a quiet point after that, she backturned but didn't leave. I carried on talking to my friend next to her hoping that maybe she'd re-engage but didn't happen

Went to the dancefloor. After a while some girl opens me and tells me she recognises me. I've never seen her before i'm sure. I ask her name/age/plans for the night etc, but I guess the difference between a girl who thinks your hot and one (all the above girls?) who don't showed itself, as she was just answering each question with a story after each answer, and then asking ME. This feels good lol. After a while we are kind of flirting and I decide to show some intent and tell her I'm gonna make her my girlfriend for the next 5 mins or something. She giggles. We carry on chatting and I increase the kino. After a while I go in for the makeout and we kiss for a little while and I make sure to pull away first. Carry on chatting and stuff. I go upstairs to take a leak and when I come back she and he friends have all gone, lol. Not too bothered.

Feeling a mild ego boost from that interaction, although still aware that I don't have anything to say that 'hooks' girls (as shown in the first 3 approacches) and that I only do OK when girls basically open me, lol - I decide to try some direct game. Made 3 approaches where I basically opened girls and told them I thought they were hot, but all 3 backturned. (One at the bar, 2 on the dancefloor)

Called it a night there as it was pretty late now.

[JackZero]

I can tell you that your problem is that you aren't working to make a connection after your approach. You move more in the direction of, "I'll start the conversation and hopefully she'll like me." When you said, "Hey! How's your night going?" you pretty much guaranteed what your answer was going to be because you put her on autopilot. If she's on autopilot, she's not going to connect with you. "I like your jacket," will give you an autopilot response. IMO, your second approach was your best because it gave her something to think about before responding and if she actually wanted to dance, you would have been able to take advantage of that moment. The problem was you were just trying to keep her talking afterwards by staying on the surface of the conversations instead of staying on topic and letting a conversation grow naturally.

[tinman]

Apr 24, 2018 22:45:13 GMT JackZero said:

I can tell you that your problem is that you aren't working to make a connection after your approach. You move more in the direction of, "I'll start the conversation and hopefully she'll like me." When you said, "Hey! How's your night going?" you pretty much guaranteed what your answer was going to be because you put her on autopilot. If she's on autopilot, she's not going to connect with you. "I like your jacket," will give you an autopilot response. IMO, your second approach was your best because it gave her something to think about before responding and if she actually wanted to dance, you would have been able to take advantage of that moment. The problem was you were just trying to keep her talking afterwards by staying on the surface of the conversations instead of staying on topic and letting a conversation grow naturally.

Any examples of better openers I can use in future approaches and also how to better lead the conversation after tto better 'let it grow naturally'?

Everyone tells me 'what you say doesn't matter' but then them same people (not you) tell me that what I said wasn't good lol, so I think I need actual examples that I can use going forward

[JackZero]

There is truth to that there are no bad openers (to an extent), but there is bad follow up.

You: How is your night going?
Her: Fine.
You: Is that your standard answer or is the night really just fine?
Her: No it really is fine -OR- I guess it's a standard answer.
You: When someone asks me a question like that, I noticed that I say fine even I am having a blast.

Listen to her responses so you can keep it going.

You: I like your jacket
Her: Thanks
You: I bet it gets a lot of compliments
Her: Yes -OR- No
You: I'm surprised -OR I'm not surprised. You have a good sense of style.

Her responses are what you need to listen for, so you can steer the conversation to flirtation.

[tinman]

thanks for giving examples, Jack.
I'm someone who really needs things spelled out to me.
I actually have personal FR's that I keep and make notes on, and in one of my FR's, I wrote ''start milking the thread!!!'' - 'milking the thread' being my personal way of saying 'carrying on rambling about whatever conversation it is that I began'' basically.
Sounds a bit like what you are talking about?
Even though i'm aware of this, I still struggle in practice, though.
Will try to work on it going forward.

I find that after the initial 'thread' has kind of ran it's course, I will always naturally revert to name/age/plans for night/maybe her job via a cold read and then comments on any thing I observe about her (maybe her clothes or her expressions or something)

This in itself is presumably not 'bad' since it seems to be what happens in a large percentage of RSD infields.

But I guess i'll always feel that I should be saying something else that is more fun (both for her and me) but nothing ever comes to mind.

[JackZero]

I agree with you when it comes to milking the thread, but don't forget that the whole thing is about attraction. When I see most field reports that they can't figure out what is going wrong, it's usually the guys that are waiting for the girl to signal that it's okay for him to be attracted to her. I think you would benefit from what the PUA community would call is working on "forcing IOI's". Instead of me trying to explain it, here's a snip of something Dragula wrote on the old forum:

At least break the ice when you make the eye contact with a smirk:

- Pull your tongue at her
- Raise your glass in a 'Cheers' motion
- Tip your imaginary cowboy hat
- Point at her
- Motion her to twirl around then give her a *thumbs up*
- A cheesy infantile wave
- Point to something that you notice bout her with a thumbs up. (non-verbal compliment)
- And much, more

Once you get this down, you can make really subtle meta-communication. It's like seeing the matrix.

This one time, I was sat down and made eye contact, as soon she looked at me, I patted the seat next to me hinting for her to sit down next to me and instantly looked away (To make it seem like a didn't care at all) - This shit is hard when it's the 1st interaction of the night. But when you're in the groove it's pretty easy to spot a girl, lift your nose up at her and then break the ice.

This is all I do, I rarely cold approach these days but i get rejected less and get laid more without having to spam out the place asking girls RSD-style if they like potatoes or some shit.

The beauty of forcing IOI's is that you're communicating your attraction to her before you even say a word to her and the foundation is set.  You're telling her without words, "I'm attracted to you," and giving her permission to be attracted to you.

[N2thevoid]

Jack were you able to flag Dragula down? Get his ass over here.