chef89
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 308
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Post by chef89 on Nov 22, 2019 19:48:47 GMT
Its funny, but I think I figured out why girls were a bit cold after my meetups Intensified my flirting, talking about sex, sexual innuendos, and touching, and made out with 3 of em. I still text with all of them. Im not completely sure yet, but it seems that I did that insufficiently in the past. This isn't surprising. You talk about a lot of dates from apps. These girls obviously find you attractive enough to consider you a match. If you go out and act in a friendly manner but don't show you find them desirable until later on in a date or after the date is over, they aren't going to think much of you. Yeah true. I thought I already did the flirting etc well but apparently it wasn't enough. Also discovered that it really helps to go to a couple of places instead of staying at one. And you can touch or kiss her in between. LOL it almost feels like I can handle every girl now.
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 17, 2020 8:42:20 GMT
Hey, RC is back!
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Post by flyingbanana on Jan 5, 2021 19:11:36 GMT
Its funny, but I think I figured out why girls were a bit cold after my meetups Intensified my flirting, talking about sex, sexual innuendos, and touching, and made out with 3 of em. I still text with all of them. Im not completely sure yet, but it seems that I did that insufficiently in the past. This isn't surprising. You talk about a lot of dates from apps. These girls obviously find you attractive enough to consider you a match. If you go out and act in a friendly manner but don't show you find them desirable until later on in a date or after the date is over, they aren't going to think much of you. The more girls I meet up with and see the more I am starting to think it's pretty random. You can do everything right and still fuck close and they still might not hit you up again. Then you could think it was a horrible interaction with another girl and she's begging you to hang out. So I think the lesson is to not change too much based on the reactions you get from any one girl; rather, see if there is a pattern and then you know there is likely a sticking point. For me, I think as soon as I get self-conscious (lately it has been about my height for some reason- just happens out of the blue and no real trigger - but if I had to come up with one it is the height difference when I take off my shoes, which is obvious in my mind, and I cannot help but think the girls see it too. I am noticing it... not sure what that's about) I start self-sabotaging. A few weeks ago for example when my confidence and everything was flowing great I had a girl just about my height begging me to titty fuck her and fuck her (which I had not even planned on doing and I kept everything light and funny). But even with a shorter woman when I am self-conscious I will not feel confident and it will show and my results go way down. Hence, I knew there is a sticking point related to my confidence. So to force the issues - I met up with one of the tallest prospects I had and stayed fully confident, took off my shoes as soon as got there, and guess what she was having a great time, we were making out and I am playing with her tits (the height thing is in my head, not hers). So. the second thing is - maybe you were doing something that was self-sabotaging rather than it being the girls who were the issue. 8.5.5
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chef89
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 308
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Post by chef89 on Apr 13, 2021 17:26:03 GMT
Its funny, but I think I figured out why girls were a bit cold after my meetups Intensified my flirting, talking about sex, sexual innuendos, and touching, and made out with 3 of em. I still text with all of them. Im not completely sure yet, but it seems that I did that insufficiently in the past. This isn't surprising. You talk about a lot of dates from apps. These girls obviously find you attractive enough to consider you a match. If you go out and act in a friendly manner but don't show you find them desirable until later on in a date or after the date is over, they aren't going to think much of you. Lol, I came across this thread 1,5 years later. Although I had some succesful dates, these were mostly one night stands. The girls that I really like never stick, so kinda feel like I've not made any gains since I opened this thread. Basically, what I struggle with is determining where I really have problems. I kind of identify 2 categories: -Emotional connection -Attraction (sexual vibe, flirting, touching etc) I think I got quite good in the first one. Last date I focused on that, but didnt even get a kiss at the end. We were doing some walking in a public area so maybe unconfortable for her. She did follow my lead and I touched her a little bit here and there. But no real escalation. After a focus on connection I always feel that it was quite fun and that we went along together well. But it never 'sticks' until a second date. I usually try to throw in some flirty remarks, but apparently thats not enough. Did I miss some escalation windows? How do I effectively create that tension, that spark? The funny thing is when I date a girl that (in my head) I only want for sex, its never a problem, and I feel like Hugh Hefner. Whenever I date some girl that im interested in personally, this almost never happens. How do you guys handle a first date? and how will it lead to her wanting to see you again? Some specific guidelines would be really helpful.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 13, 2021 19:19:58 GMT
I handle it usually with the girl sitting on my lap at some point into the night with my fingers in her cookie jar.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 14, 2021 17:29:09 GMT
This isn't surprising. You talk about a lot of dates from apps. These girls obviously find you attractive enough to consider you a match. If you go out and act in a friendly manner but don't show you find them desirable until later on in a date or after the date is over, they aren't going to think much of you. Lol, I came across this thread 1,5 years later. Although I had some succesful dates, these were mostly one night stands. The girls that I really like never stick, so kinda feel like I've not made any gains since I opened this thread. Basically, what I struggle with is determining where I really have problems. I kind of identify 2 categories: -Emotional connection -Attraction (sexual vibe, flirting, touching etc) I think I got quite good in the first one. Last date I focused on that, but didnt even get a kiss at the end. We were doing some walking in a public area so maybe unconfortable for her. She did follow my lead and I touched her a little bit here and there. But no real escalation. After a focus on connection I always feel that it was quite fun and that we went along together well. But it never 'sticks' until a second date. I usually try to throw in some flirty remarks, but apparently thats not enough. Did I miss some escalation windows? How do I effectively create that tension, that spark? The funny thing is when I date a girl that (in my head) I only want for sex, its never a problem, and I feel like Hugh Hefner. Whenever I date some girl that im interested in personally, this almost never happens. How do you guys handle a first date? and how will it lead to her wanting to see you again? Some specific guidelines would be really helpful. What you are talking about here is normal, IMO. The emotional connection and sexual connection are two different things. If you are trying to get both to happen at the same time then you are going to have a hard time. If you are trying to give a girl an emotional connection but at the same time trying to create the physical connection at the same time it makes it harder to trust what your real goal is. IMO, you should focus on one and build to the other over time. Girls want to trust what you are presenting them but because there are wolves in sheep's clothing they tend to have their guards up. So if you are building an emotional connection and it doesn't stick until the second date then I have good news for you. You are doing it right. If you are leading with a sexual vibe and end up having lots of ONS, you are doing it right. If you are having sex on the first date but try to push it into relationship direction...you'll have harder times. Not that it can't be done and not that there are no steps to get you there, but it is far more difficult.
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chef89
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 308
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Post by chef89 on Apr 15, 2021 21:10:16 GMT
Lol, I came across this thread 1,5 years later. Although I had some succesful dates, these were mostly one night stands. The girls that I really like never stick, so kinda feel like I've not made any gains since I opened this thread. Basically, what I struggle with is determining where I really have problems. I kind of identify 2 categories: -Emotional connection -Attraction (sexual vibe, flirting, touching etc) I think I got quite good in the first one. Last date I focused on that, but didnt even get a kiss at the end. We were doing some walking in a public area so maybe unconfortable for her. She did follow my lead and I touched her a little bit here and there. But no real escalation. After a focus on connection I always feel that it was quite fun and that we went along together well. But it never 'sticks' until a second date. I usually try to throw in some flirty remarks, but apparently thats not enough. Did I miss some escalation windows? How do I effectively create that tension, that spark? The funny thing is when I date a girl that (in my head) I only want for sex, its never a problem, and I feel like Hugh Hefner. Whenever I date some girl that im interested in personally, this almost never happens. How do you guys handle a first date? and how will it lead to her wanting to see you again? Some specific guidelines would be really helpful. What you are talking about here is normal, IMO. The emotional connection and sexual connection are two different things. If you are trying to get both to happen at the same time then you are going to have a hard time. If you are trying to give a girl an emotional connection but at the same time trying to create the physical connection at the same time it makes it harder to trust what your real goal is. IMO, you should focus on one and build to the other over time. Girls want to trust what you are presenting them but because there are wolves in sheep's clothing they tend to have their guards up. So if you are building an emotional connection and it doesn't stick until the second date then I have good news for you. You are doing it right. If you are leading with a sexual vibe and end up having lots of ONS, you are doing it right. If you are having sex on the first date but try to push it into relationship direction...you'll have harder times. Not that it can't be done and not that there are no steps to get you there, but it is far more difficult. Thanks. I tried doing these both. Like making a connection but also trying to flirt a bit. Not at the exact same time, but during a meetup. Question: when focusing on the emotional connection, would you still escalate during that date? I think the date I had was cool from a conversation point of view, but there wasnt much tension. At least, not as much as I previously had with other girls. Like, I didn't even try to escalate and maybe she perceived me as weak or something. My conclusion was that I should be focusing on escalating more WHILE making a connection. But now I'm in doubts. Btw, I asked this girl out for another date and I get completely ignored. Maybe I fucked this up in my texting after meeting her, but this one is probably lost.
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 15, 2021 21:46:26 GMT
Lol, I came across this thread 1,5 years later. Although I had some succesful dates, these were mostly one night stands. The girls that I really like never stick, so kinda feel like I've not made any gains since I opened this thread. Basically, what I struggle with is determining where I really have problems. I kind of identify 2 categories: -Emotional connection -Attraction (sexual vibe, flirting, touching etc) I think I got quite good in the first one. Last date I focused on that, but didnt even get a kiss at the end. We were doing some walking in a public area so maybe unconfortable for her. She did follow my lead and I touched her a little bit here and there. But no real escalation. After a focus on connection I always feel that it was quite fun and that we went along together well. But it never 'sticks' until a second date. I usually try to throw in some flirty remarks, but apparently thats not enough. Did I miss some escalation windows? How do I effectively create that tension, that spark? The funny thing is when I date a girl that (in my head) I only want for sex, its never a problem, and I feel like Hugh Hefner. Whenever I date some girl that im interested in personally, this almost never happens. How do you guys handle a first date? and how will it lead to her wanting to see you again? Some specific guidelines would be really helpful. What you are talking about here is normal, IMO. The emotional connection and sexual connection are two different things. If you are trying to get both to happen at the same time then you are going to have a hard time. If you are trying to give a girl an emotional connection but at the same time trying to create the physical connection at the same time it makes it harder to trust what your real goal is. IMO, you should focus on one and build to the other over time. Girls want to trust what you are presenting them but because there are wolves in sheep's clothing they tend to have their guards up. So if you are building an emotional connection and it doesn't stick until the second date then I have good news for you. You are doing it right. If you are leading with a sexual vibe and end up having lots of ONS, you are doing it right. If you are having sex on the first date but try to push it into relationship direction...you'll have harder times. Not that it can't be done and not that there are no steps to get you there, but it is far more difficult. I'm gonna need you to elaborate on this. In my experience, I'd often interpret any investment by a girl in the early stages as her having a sexual interest. Often when talking to girls who had a big emotional investment in me, they'd all be open to me talking sexually with them and be excited for sex since they were attracted to me and invested in me. I think when a girl withholds sex or "makes him wait", it's probably because of a lack of interest. I find when a girl has an romantic (sexual) interest in you and an emotional connection, they are often the easiest to seduce.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 15, 2021 22:08:49 GMT
What you are talking about here is normal, IMO. The emotional connection and sexual connection are two different things. If you are trying to get both to happen at the same time then you are going to have a hard time. If you are trying to give a girl an emotional connection but at the same time trying to create the physical connection at the same time it makes it harder to trust what your real goal is. IMO, you should focus on one and build to the other over time. Girls want to trust what you are presenting them but because there are wolves in sheep's clothing they tend to have their guards up. So if you are building an emotional connection and it doesn't stick until the second date then I have good news for you. You are doing it right. If you are leading with a sexual vibe and end up having lots of ONS, you are doing it right. If you are having sex on the first date but try to push it into relationship direction...you'll have harder times. Not that it can't be done and not that there are no steps to get you there, but it is far more difficult. Thanks. I tried doing these both. Like making a connection but also trying to flirt a bit. Not at the exact same time, but during a meetup. Question: when focusing on the emotional connection, would you still escalate during that date? I think the date I had was cool from a conversation point of view, but there wasnt much tension. At least, not as much as I previously had with other girls. Like, I didn't even try to escalate and maybe she perceived me as weak or something. My conclusion was that I should be focusing on escalating more WHILE making a connection. But now I'm in doubts. Btw, I asked this girl out for another date and I get completely ignored. Maybe I fucked this up in my texting after meeting her, but this one is probably lost. Yes...you still escalate because you want to show that you do desire her but pushing it to a sexual encounter while trying to make an emotional connection can be a huge problem. No escalation can leave a girl feeling like you weren't really interested. Then you become just a nice guy without much else to offer.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 15, 2021 22:11:50 GMT
What you are talking about here is normal, IMO. The emotional connection and sexual connection are two different things. If you are trying to get both to happen at the same time then you are going to have a hard time. If you are trying to give a girl an emotional connection but at the same time trying to create the physical connection at the same time it makes it harder to trust what your real goal is. IMO, you should focus on one and build to the other over time. Girls want to trust what you are presenting them but because there are wolves in sheep's clothing they tend to have their guards up. So if you are building an emotional connection and it doesn't stick until the second date then I have good news for you. You are doing it right. If you are leading with a sexual vibe and end up having lots of ONS, you are doing it right. If you are having sex on the first date but try to push it into relationship direction...you'll have harder times. Not that it can't be done and not that there are no steps to get you there, but it is far more difficult. I'm gonna need you to elaborate on this. In my experience, I'd often interpret any investment by a girl in the early stages as her having a sexual interest. Often when talking to girls who had a big emotional investment in me, they'd all be open to me talking sexually with them and be excited for sex since they were attracted to me and invested in me. I think when a girl withholds sex or "makes him wait", it's probably because of a lack of interest. I find when a girl has an romantic (sexual) interest in you and an emotional connection, they are often the easiest to seduce. I'm going to need for you to elaborate on what you mean by girls who had a big emotional investment in you being open to you talking sexually with them. Basically, how is it that they are emotionally invested in you on a first date? Is it possible that you establish the emotional connection before the first date has even happened?
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 15, 2021 22:15:02 GMT
I'm gonna need you to elaborate on this. In my experience, I'd often interpret any investment by a girl in the early stages as her having a sexual interest. Often when talking to girls who had a big emotional investment in me, they'd all be open to me talking sexually with them and be excited for sex since they were attracted to me and invested in me. I think when a girl withholds sex or "makes him wait", it's probably because of a lack of interest. I find when a girl has an romantic (sexual) interest in you and an emotional connection, they are often the easiest to seduce. I'm going to need for you to elaborate on what you mean by girls who had a big emotional investment in you being open to you talking sexually with them. Basically, how is it that they are emotionally invested in you on a first date? Is it possible that you establish the emotional connection before the first date has even happened? Yes by messaging in the run up, whether it be from an app or a cold approach.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 15, 2021 22:30:40 GMT
I'm going to need for you to elaborate on what you mean by girls who had a big emotional investment in you being open to you talking sexually with them. Basically, how is it that they are emotionally invested in you on a first date? Is it possible that you establish the emotional connection before the first date has even happened? Yes by messaging in the run up, whether it be from an app or a cold approach. That makes perfect sense. You are giving her the chance to believe you are who you say you are. So by the time you meet up with her for the date, she trusts what you've presented to her. If she likes what she is feeling in the emotional connection that will lead her to wanting the sexual connection. If you have a first date with a girl without building that emotional investment and you lead for the sexual escalation then she's going to believe that this is what you're about. If she's into it, she'll likely have sex with you. The drawback there is that she may not view you as a relationship option at that point and it will take a few encounters with you for her to believe that you can be. You may not get those encounters again if she didn't enjoy the sex. EDIT: This is why I often say that "comfort" when it comes to most PUA conversations is usually bullshit. Comfort simply means that a woman is comfortable with what you are offering her and less to do if she feels safe with you.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 16, 2021 18:10:51 GMT
To build on what Jack said on comfort above.
I get the sense a lot of guys use ‘comfort building’ to legitimize inaction. Don’t be afraid to gently push things. By-and-large women tend to look to the man to set the standard in pacing the encounter. In some sense you’re the Captain of her experience. Use that force, albeit responsible, so as to keep things moving along and her on her toes. Keeping this in mind, don’t hamstring yourself by setting-up an encounter in an environment that’ll pose any logistical barriers towards this progression. For example, meeting in a cafe thinking you’ll simply remain there in conversation and subtle flirting will get you anywhere. Things will stagnate fast, and while you may think of yourself as a champ for ‘building comfort’, you’re really just marking yourself as the 1 dimensional friendly guy whose easy to talk to. You are not a sexual ‘threat’ (i use the term “threat” loosely and in no way condone aggressive behaviour towards women).
Sexual escalation isn’t about trying to WIN the girl. When it’s nuanced, it GRANTS the woman permission to join you on that journey. For the most part, women feel sexuality is culturally taboo to be discussed, even though they love sex and all things sex related (women are the biggest pervs and largest consumer of sex toys). You give them permission to access their inner-perv - ‘comfort’ won’t achieve this.
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 16, 2021 18:42:41 GMT
To build on what Jack said on comfort above. I get the sense a lot of guys use ‘comfort building’ to legitimize inaction. Don’t be afraid to gently push things. By-and-large women tend to look to the man to set the standard in pacing the encounter. In some sense you’re the Captain of her experience. Use that force, albeit responsible, so as to keep things moving along and her on her toes. Keeping this in mind, don’t hamstring yourself by setting-up an encounter in an environment that’ll pose any logistical barriers towards this progression. For example, meeting in a cafe thinking you’ll simply remain there in conversation and subtle flirting will get you anywhere. Things will stagnate fast, and while you may think of yourself as a champ for ‘building comfort’, you’re really just marking yourself as the 1 dimensional friendly guy whose easy to talk to. You are not a sexual ‘threat’ (i use the term “threat” loosely and in no way condone aggressive behaviour towards women). Sexual escalation isn’t about trying to WIN the girl. When it’s nuanced, it GRANTS the woman permission to join you on that journey. For the most part, women feel sexuality is culturally taboo to be discussed, even though they love sex and all things sex related (women are the biggest pervs and largest consumer of sex toys). You give them permission to access their inner-perv - ‘comfort’ won’t achieve this. What are your thoughts on 60YOC as an escalation manual?
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 16, 2021 19:01:09 GMT
To build on what Jack said on comfort above. I get the sense a lot of guys use ‘comfort building’ to legitimize inaction. Don’t be afraid to gently push things. By-and-large women tend to look to the man to set the standard in pacing the encounter. In some sense you’re the Captain of her experience. Use that force, albeit responsible, so as to keep things moving along and her on her toes. Keeping this in mind, don’t hamstring yourself by setting-up an encounter in an environment that’ll pose any logistical barriers towards this progression. For example, meeting in a cafe thinking you’ll simply remain there in conversation and subtle flirting will get you anywhere. Things will stagnate fast, and while you may think of yourself as a champ for ‘building comfort’, you’re really just marking yourself as the 1 dimensional friendly guy whose easy to talk to. You are not a sexual ‘threat’ (i use the term “threat” loosely and in no way condone aggressive behaviour towards women). Sexual escalation isn’t about trying to WIN the girl. When it’s nuanced, it GRANTS the woman permission to join you on that journey. For the most part, women feel sexuality is culturally taboo to be discussed, even though they love sex and all things sex related (women are the biggest pervs and largest consumer of sex toys). You give them permission to access their inner-perv - ‘comfort’ won’t achieve this. What are your thoughts on 60YOC as an escalation manual? I like it. For me it was a bit of a paradigm shift, but I also think others misread what he's saying and mistake it as permitting or even suggesting aggressive behaviour. I like the mantra of being a sexual threat, but of course these days saying anything like that will elicit a knee-jerk reaction and get ya #Canceled;)
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