No response after 1st date - what to say after a date?

[chef89]

Apr 16, 2021 18:10:51 GMT N2thevoid said:

To build on what Jack said on comfort above.

I get the sense a lot of guys use ‘comfort building’ to legitimize inaction. Don’t be afraid to gently push things. By-and-large women tend to look to the man to set the standard in pacing the encounter. In some sense you’re the Captain of her experience. Use that force, albeit responsible, so as to keep things moving along and her on her toes. Keeping this in mind, don’t hamstring yourself by setting-up an encounter in an environment that’ll pose any logistical barriers towards this progression. For example, meeting in a cafe thinking you’ll simply remain there in conversation and subtle flirting will get you anywhere. Things will stagnate fast, and while you may think of yourself as a champ for ‘building comfort’, you’re really just marking yourself as the 1 dimensional friendly guy whose easy to talk to. You are not a sexual ‘threat’ (i use the term “threat” loosely and in no way condone aggressive behaviour towards women).

Sexual escalation isn’t about trying to WIN the girl. When it’s nuanced, it GRANTS the woman permission to join you on that journey. For the most part, women feel sexuality is culturally taboo to be discussed, even though they love sex and all things sex related (women are the biggest pervs and largest consumer of sex toys). You give them permission to access their inner-perv - ‘comfort’ won’t achieve this.

This might be what I'm missing, yes. Being a bit more aggressive, while being respectful of her. I wasn't much of a threath.

My main sticking point is I don't have many ideas how to escalate consistently. Im doing a walk around town with girls nowadays because of the pandemic, and there are lots of people everywhere. I think it would be uncomfortable for her to kiss while everybody watches.

[N2thevoid]

Are you solely focused on how things might look? If so I can see how this maybe taking you out of the present moment.

Personally I like building to the moment. I don’t consider myself a huge risk taker, but I am ok to do things even if I feel a little uncomfortable in the moment. You’re walking w these women, are you keeping a lot of space? Are you near them where either one is brushing against each other periodically? What’s the vibe

[chef89]

Apr 17, 2021 18:25:54 GMT N2thevoid said:

Are you solely focused on how things might look? If so I can see how this maybe taking you out of the present moment.

Personally I like building to the moment. I don’t consider myself a huge risk taker, but I am ok to do things even if I feel a little uncomfortable in the moment. You’re walking w these women, are you keeping a lot of space? Are you near them where either one is brushing against each other periodically? What’s the vibe

I think the vibe was quite good with regard to that, I try to build it up as well as you mentioned. But I didnt make the final step - that is, kiss her- because I never feel the situation is right. Basically I walk these girls around town. I can clearly remember how we stopped during the walk last Sunday and we stood there talking to each other. I felt like making a move but didnt do it as there were lots of people there. Thinking it might creep her out. If I was at home with her, it wouldnt have been a problem. Should I move her? Or what would you do when its very busy?

It is already a huge insight for to focus on escalating more. I tend to have these periods where I fall back into 'I dont have to do it now, I will kiss her later', only to never get a second date with the particular girl(s) and remembering what I should do again. So for sure I will not allow these excuses again. 

[curtis72]

Apr 17, 2021 20:04:43 GMT chef89 said:

Apr 17, 2021 18:25:54 GMT N2thevoid said:

Are you solely focused on how things might look? If so I can see how this maybe taking you out of the present moment.

Personally I like building to the moment. I don’t consider myself a huge risk taker, but I am ok to do things even if I feel a little uncomfortable in the moment. You’re walking w these women, are you keeping a lot of space? Are you near them where either one is brushing against each other periodically? What’s the vibe

I think the vibe was quite good with regard to that, I try to build it up as well as you mentioned. But I didnt make the final step - that is, kiss her- because I never feel the situation is right. Basically I walk these girls around town. I can clearly remember how we stopped during the walk last Sunday and we stood there talking to each other. I felt like making a move but didnt do it as there were lots of people there. Thinking it might creep her out. If I was at home with her, it wouldnt have been a problem. Should I move her? Or what would you do when its very busy?

It is already a huge insight for to focus on escalating more. I tend to have these periods where I fall back into 'I dont have to do it now, I will kiss her later', only to never get a second date with the particular girl(s) and remembering what I should do again. So for sure I will not allow these excuses again. 

Can you not take her down a tenfoot/quiet side street

[chef89]

Apr 17, 2021 21:54:24 GMT curtis72 said:

Apr 17, 2021 20:04:43 GMT chef89 said:

I think the vibe was quite good with regard to that, I try to build it up as well as you mentioned. But I didnt make the final step - that is, kiss her- because I never feel the situation is right. Basically I walk these girls around town. I can clearly remember how we stopped during the walk last Sunday and we stood there talking to each other. I felt like making a move but didnt do it as there were lots of people there. Thinking it might creep her out. If I was at home with her, it wouldnt have been a problem. Should I move her? Or what would you do when its very busy?

It is already a huge insight for to focus on escalating more. I tend to have these periods where I fall back into 'I dont have to do it now, I will kiss her later', only to never get a second date with the particular girl(s) and remembering what I should do again. So for sure I will not allow these excuses again. 

Can you not take her down a tenfoot/quiet side street

That would be an idea yeah. I think I just need to work towards escalation more and enabling that instead of just randomly walking away and chatting. 

[xmoses]

Nov 10, 2019 19:45:03 GMT chef89 said:

Hi guys,

Another thread from me after I posted here lately about a girl who basiscally ghosted me after exchanging a few messages after a first date. Well heres the story... It happened again.

So I met this girl via an online dating app yesterday evening. She was good looking and succesful in other areas in life. At the date, I don't overthink that much and just make sure that I connect with her, tease her a bit, qualify, and in general create some emotion instead of dull conversation. So that all went okay. Because it was so busy in town there was only 1 free spot left, a table where we had to sit opposite of each other. Later that evening I asserted myself and sat next to her, and did some light kino. I noticed that after this, the accidentaly touched me with her elbow as well. I also asked her some questions about her personality to deepen the conversation, and I could see her light up. She talked and talked. All good signs I would say. While other people left the bar, we still sat there, and there was no indication she was eager to leave. 

After that we walked back and I kissed her. We biked back as we both live in the same direction and when she took the road to her house we stopped and kissed again, and I wished her a good night. I want to stress that I feel completely care free during a date. 

So this morning I woke up, and I remembered the last date (of the other topic), where I justed waited for her to contact me after the date. She did, but in the end it bled dry after a few short messages. So this time I thought I will contact her first. I texted that I had fun last night, and that it was clever from her to chum up with future colleagues (as she told me she accepted a job at my organisation, which is huge btw), and that maybe I could be sensitive to her pleasing style (some callback to the date meant as a teasing remark, she told me she sometimes used a more pleasing style to get shit done at work). It would be very easy for her to respond in a light hearted way. Maybe this text was a bit over the top? But again my mind says even if she liked me a bit yesterday, she could have changed the topic or at least say something. But yeah, I texted that around 9 hours ago, she read it, and no response whatsoever. 

Basically, I feel like a complete useless piece of shit right now. I can genuinly say that I get a lot of attention on these dating apps, and I can really make sure to go on dates with alot of hot women. If I want, I can go with another 3 hot women this week. That is not my problem. My real problem is that women aren't as enthusiastic about contacting me as before the date, and that I just get ghosted. If this happened one time, I can live with that. But if it happens many times like now, it makes me feel sad. Like on the date I get the impression that its going well, and then next day, boom gone. Thats what I miss in life - a romantic fucking connection. Each time I connect a little, it gets shoved into the garbage bin and I can go on a first date again. I can already guess that some people her will say 'that happens on dating apps', but I don't believe it. I have many friends who found their girls on dating apps, and they arent even concious about themselves or what they are doing on a date.

Basically, I hope you guys can help me with a few things:

1. What do I do wrong?
2. What to text after a first date? 
3. Do you wait until a girl contacts you, or do you take initiative after a first date?

Thanks in advance, I really hope somebody can put a finger on this because I'm clueless.

I'm thinking about not going on these 'drinks' first dates again, but to do something completely different. But also no clue here what.

What's your race? 3 hot girls a week sounds incredible