What happened here? Advice?

[ekrin987]

Met an HB 9 online... Seriously atLEAST an HB8 in anyone's book! Got a day 1 and couldn't f close.... Day one went like this.. took her for a scenic drive, then to the store to get a blender for drinks at my place (I had promised her drinks since it was COVID season). We started drinking and we actually got pretty tipsy.. I went into mild Kino but didn't escalate past putting my arm around her while looking at pics on her phone since she was not really reciprocating touchy-feely much. For a while I thought things were going well as conversation was great and I was escalating in Kino...



I was getting mild IOI's hence the escalated Kino contact:

- she looked smoking hot and showed up knocking at my door and brought me Gummi Bears!  LoL 
- she had to use the bathroom and was obviously fixing her hair in the mirror (sink is right by the mirror and found a few pieces of her hair in the sink LoL)

- eye contact, smiling, laughing, playing with her hair

- she seemed nervous actually.....


So I escalated kino over the course of about 30 minutes, thought I pretty much had this one down; I was starting to let myself get attracted to her!





All of a sudden out of nowhere! "It's getting late; I've got to get home". I, honestly, was so surprised to hear that. I thought the night was going so well, I just stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds. When she says, "aren't you going to walk me out to the car (while laughing)?"



So I shrugged it off, walked her out to her car and figured I prolly got drunk, said something stupid, and blew it...



To my surprise, she texts me when gets home. Just the usual banter... GN... etc..





Amazing! She texts me the next morning right at 9AM. We were both working and pretty busy so it was casual banter.



So i am now thinking, maybe I did not blow it or whatever.





Then this conversation and nothing for 24 hours.
  I totally FREAKING blew this....  Honestly at first it did not occur to me she wanted to come over and take a bath in my jet-tub.  LoL
Usual chit-chat about work, etc....  (she initiated contact for the second time that day it was about Midnight).
ME: Guess I'll Make Coffee 
HBHOTTIE: LOL...why? Take a bath!
ME: Take a bath?  LOL Don't think I've taken a bath since I was 15!
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing!
ME: HMMM... interesting LOL  But so is coffee!
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing! I could live in a bath forever!
ME: Why do women like taking baths so much?
HBHOTTIE: I don't know!
ME: Me either but you all do!  LoL
HBHOTTIE: It feels amazing! The warmth on your body! I love it!  I want a bath right now!
ME: I like showers - they feel amazing.  Showers and coffee!
HBHOTTIE: I need to get to bed Goodnight
ME: GN HB, sleep well.

15 Minutes Later:
HBHOTTIE:  You don't understand......goodnight.
ME:Don't understand what?

:Crickets chirping:   

I obviously blew that opportunity...

So....  do i wait a week?  a day?  "Right!  Come take a bath me! I'll make more margaritas!" Grrrrr.....  In all honestly - I just got out of a LTR and am a little slow obviously....

 

[JackZero]

To me, it sounds like she's saying that baths are great and you just can't understand why they are and then she went to bed. No biggie.

What you do next is text her with a purpose. That entire string of bath and coffee text didn't seem like it served a purpose between the attraction between you and her. In essence...it was boring. Inviting her over for a bath would serve a purpose...I wouldn't say it but I'm not saying that it's wrong to say because I don't know what you've presented to her up to this point outside of the text you provided.

How long you should wait is a different story. I'm not sure why she left the date so abruptly. I'm not sure if she is no longer speaking to you because she's moved on, has an actual life that doesn't involve you, or is waiting for you to make the next move. I do know that women, who are as attractive as you say she is, that will meet a man that she's met online don't have a shortage of men pursuing them. You thinking that waiting a week is a good strategy may not be too smart because you are giving her a chance to find another guy that will excite her and she'll soon forget about you.

What you do next is contact her sooner than later and make sure that it has a purpose for doing so.

[ekrin987]

Dec 12, 2020 19:43:35 GMT JackZero said:

To me, it sounds like she's saying that baths are great and you just can't understand why they are and then she went to bed. No biggie.

What you do next is text her with a purpose. That entire string of bath and coffee text didn't seem like it served a purpose between the attraction between you and her. In essence...it was boring. Inviting her over for a bath would serve a purpose...I wouldn't say it but I'm not saying that it's wrong to say because I don't know what you've presented to her up to this point outside of the text you provided.

How long you should wait is a different story. I'm not sure why she left the date so abruptly. I'm not sure if she is no longer speaking to you because she's moved on, has an actual life that doesn't involve you, or is waiting for you to make the next move. I do know that women, who are as attractive as you say she is, that will meet a man that she's met online don't have a shortage of men pursuing them. You thinking that waiting a week is a good strategy may not be too smart because you are giving her a chance to find another guy that will excite her and she'll soon forget about you.

What you do next is contact her sooner than later and make sure that it has a purpose for doing so.

Froze her out for a few nights and she texted / came over last weekend; we drank some wine and she stayed the night. 
Freeze outs work (sometimes) with the women who are accustomed to having guys that won't leave them alone after one date.

Her text a few nights later was: "Hey!  Did you dismiss me or did you find someone else already?"
Pretty manipulative - but hey women have their own PUA thing going on.  

Yeah.. Pretty sure she's seeing other people; honestly do not care. I'm seeing other people too. LoL

Thanks for the reply, JackZero

[JackZero]

Dec 18, 2020 5:45:04 GMT ekrin987 said:

Dec 12, 2020 19:43:35 GMT JackZero said:

To me, it sounds like she's saying that baths are great and you just can't understand why they are and then she went to bed. No biggie.

What you do next is text her with a purpose. That entire string of bath and coffee text didn't seem like it served a purpose between the attraction between you and her. In essence...it was boring. Inviting her over for a bath would serve a purpose...I wouldn't say it but I'm not saying that it's wrong to say because I don't know what you've presented to her up to this point outside of the text you provided.

How long you should wait is a different story. I'm not sure why she left the date so abruptly. I'm not sure if she is no longer speaking to you because she's moved on, has an actual life that doesn't involve you, or is waiting for you to make the next move. I do know that women, who are as attractive as you say she is, that will meet a man that she's met online don't have a shortage of men pursuing them. You thinking that waiting a week is a good strategy may not be too smart because you are giving her a chance to find another guy that will excite her and she'll soon forget about you.

What you do next is contact her sooner than later and make sure that it has a purpose for doing so.

Froze her out for a few nights and she texted / came over last weekend; we drank some wine and she stayed the night. 
Freeze outs work (sometimes) with the women who are accustomed to having guys that won't leave them alone after one date.

Her text a few nights later was: "Hey!  Did you dismiss me or did you find someone else already?"
Pretty manipulative - but hey women have their own PUA thing going on.  

Yeah.. Pretty sure she's seeing other people; honestly do not care. I'm seeing other people too. LoL

Thanks for the reply, JackZero

You guys confuse the fact that a girl may contact you because of you freezing her out as opposed to her contacting you in spite of you freezing her out.  

[Heywood Jablowme]

All of a sudden out of nowhere! "It's getting late; I've got to get home".

So you bail at the tiniest bit of resistance..... 

[N2thevoid]

Dec 18, 2020 5:45:04 GMT ekrin987 said:

Dec 12, 2020 19:43:35 GMT JackZero said:

To me, it sounds like she's saying that baths are great and you just can't understand why they are and then she went to bed. No biggie.

What you do next is text her with a purpose. That entire string of bath and coffee text didn't seem like it served a purpose between the attraction between you and her. In essence...it was boring. Inviting her over for a bath would serve a purpose...I wouldn't say it but I'm not saying that it's wrong to say because I don't know what you've presented to her up to this point outside of the text you provided.

How long you should wait is a different story. I'm not sure why she left the date so abruptly. I'm not sure if she is no longer speaking to you because she's moved on, has an actual life that doesn't involve you, or is waiting for you to make the next move. I do know that women, who are as attractive as you say she is, that will meet a man that she's met online don't have a shortage of men pursuing them. You thinking that waiting a week is a good strategy may not be too smart because you are giving her a chance to find another guy that will excite her and she'll soon forget about you.

What you do next is contact her sooner than later and make sure that it has a purpose for doing so.

Froze her out for a few nights and she texted / came over last weekend; we drank some wine and she stayed the night. 
Freeze outs work (sometimes) with the women who are accustomed to having guys that won't leave them alone after one date.

Her text a few nights later was: "Hey!  Did you dismiss me or did you find someone else already?"
Pretty manipulative - but hey women have their own PUA thing going on.  

Yeah.. Pretty sure she's seeing other people; honestly do not care. I'm seeing other people too. LoL

Thanks for the reply, JackZero

Your freezing out ‘technique’ was likely banal and trivial, an illusory correlation to her contact. Likely she thought nothing of it and contacted because she felt like it. Freezing out just translates to you making a concerted effort to not look needy...which, you guessed it, is ironically another needy behaviour.

Also who gives 2 fucks (besides you) of her “HB” status. Your 8 may be my 2 for all you know, and Heywoods 4, and JZ’s 6. The entire HB scale smacks of desperation and placing women’s looks at a premium relative to where you stand with yourself. Does it make you feel better convincing yourself she’s everyone’s “8”? Does it make you feel more attractive you’ve convinced yourself of this and therefore must be equally as attractive to have pulled her?

Come on now.

What’s most telling of all in this post, and something you clumsily acknowledge, is that this woman was opening the door to a potential sexual opportunity with you yet you couldn’t even see it. This tells me you don’t see yourself as a viable sexual option, or THE option, thereby underscoring the real problem at hand. Then you play it off as if you can take or leave here, when in actuality you went to lengths to freeze her out to try and ‘extort’ a reaction from her. Sounds to me like a guy in desperation mode.

[GFRESH2DEF]

Dec 12, 2020 9:25:02 GMT ekrin987 said:

  I totally FREAKING blew this....  Honestly at first it did not occur to me she wanted to come over and take a bath in my jet-tub.  LoL
Usual chit-chat about work, etc....  (she initiated contact for the second time that day it was about Midnight).
ME: Guess I'll Make Coffee 
HBHOTTIE: LOL...why? Take a bath! <----Here's where your escalation window opened up for you! She's telling you exactly what you need to do, to fuck her!
ME: Take a bath?  LOL Don't think I've taken a bath since I was 15! <----It completely went right over your head.
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing! <----She's still trying tell you what you should do to fuck her, by showing you how excited she is about it.
ME: HMMM... interesting LOL  But so is coffee! <----Hmmm... And you're still not getting it.
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing! I could live in a bath forever! <----Once again, she's showing you her excitement about taking baths, in hopes that it will finally click in your mind.
ME: Why do women like taking baths so much? <----She tried to tell you 3 times! And you still didn't get it.
HBHOTTIE: I don't know! <----She's getting frustrated.
ME: Me either but you all do!  LoL <----You are still clueless, to what she wants.
HBHOTTIE: It feels amazing! The warmth on your body! I love it!  I want a bath right now! <----She really tried to verbally escalate things with you here. Her 4th try!
ME: I like showers - they feel amazing.  Showers and coffee! <-----Yeah...What else is there to say? LOl It just never clicked for you.
HBHOTTIE: I need to get to bed Goodnight <----She gave up.
ME: GN HB, sleep well. <----Smh 

15 Minutes Later:
HBHOTTIE:  You don't understand......goodnight. <----"What is wrong with you? Why didn't you get my hints? I wanted to fuck you, but you just couldn't understand me. Goodnight!"
ME:Don't understand what? <----"Right! Exactly!"

:Crickets chirping:   

I obviously blew that opportunity...

I translated everything for you in yellow OP, so you can see exactly how you messed up.




Yup, you did! That went right over your head. She was hinting to you, how to fuck her. Girls will tell us want they want us guys to do, and how to fuck them. But they often times will just hint it to us, instead of just outright telling us what they want us to do, to fuck them. I know..it's stupid. Because in your mind, you're like.."Why won't she just go along with my escalation, and let me fuck her the way that i planned?" or "Why the hell, won't she just flat out tell me, what she really wants?" And i get your frustration too man, i really do. But guess what??..that's how we (guys) operate, but that's not how girls operate. Guys are more logical and rigid (we are straight-forward)..and girls are more emotional, and fluid (they're kinda all over the place, but they give us hints on what they really want). 




In most cases, you're done!..whenever you make these type of dumb mistakes, with a girl. But in your case..you still may have another shot at her. Just make sure not to miss her hints, the next time.



-G

[JackZero]

Dec 22, 2020 19:27:55 GMT GFRESH2DEF said:

Dec 12, 2020 9:25:02 GMT ekrin987 said:

  I totally FREAKING blew this....  Honestly at first it did not occur to me she wanted to come over and take a bath in my jet-tub.  LoL
Usual chit-chat about work, etc....  (she initiated contact for the second time that day it was about Midnight).
ME: Guess I'll Make Coffee 
HBHOTTIE: LOL...why? Take a bath! <----Here's where your escalation window opened up for you! She's telling you exactly what you need to do, to fuck her!
ME: Take a bath?  LOL Don't think I've taken a bath since I was 15! <----It completely went right over your head.
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing! <----She's still trying tell you what you should do to fuck her, by showing you how excited she is about it.
ME: HMMM... interesting LOL  But so is coffee! <----Hmmm... And you're still not getting it.
HBHOTTIE: Baths are amazing! I could live in a bath forever! <----Once again, she's showing you her excitement about taking baths, in hopes that it will finally click in your mind.
ME: Why do women like taking baths so much? <----She tried to tell you 3 times! And you still didn't get it.
HBHOTTIE: I don't know! <----She's getting frustrated.
ME: Me either but you all do!  LoL <----You are still clueless, to what she wants.
HBHOTTIE: It feels amazing! The warmth on your body! I love it!  I want a bath right now! <----She tried to verbally escalate things with you here. Her 4th try!
ME: I like showers - they feel amazing.  Showers and coffee! <-----Yeah...What else is there to say? LOl It just never clicked for you.
HBHOTTIE: I need to get to bed Goodnight <----She gave up.
ME: GN HB, sleep well. <----Smh 

15 Minutes Later:
HBHOTTIE:  You don't understand......goodnight. <----What is wrong with you? Why didn't you get my hints? I wanted to fuck you, but you just couldn't understand me. Goodnight!
ME:Don't understand what? <----Right! Exactly!

:Crickets chirping:   

I obviously blew that opportunity...

I translated everything for you in yellow OP, so you can see exactly how you messed up.




Yup you did! That went right over your head. She was hinting to you, how to fuck her. Girls tell us want they want us guys to do, and how to fuck them. I know..it's stupid. Because in your mind, you're like.."Why won't she just go along with my escalation, and let me fuck her the way that i planned?" or "Why the hell, won't she just flat out tell me, what she really wants?" And i get your frustration too man, i really do. But guess what??..that's how we (guys) operate, but that's not how girls operate. Guys are more logical and rigid (we are straight-forward)..and girls are more emotional, and fluid (they're kinda all over the place, but they give us hints on what they really want). 




In most cases, you're done!..whenever you make these type of dumb mistakes, with a girl. But in your case..you still may have another shot at her. Just make sure not to miss her hints, the next time.



-G

That last line she wrote to him was almost heartbreaking.  She told him goodnight but then came back 15 minutes later to tell him that she didn't understand.  That's frustration on her behalf.  This is why I said she came back in spite of you freezing her out.  

You have to understand why freeze outs became a thing in PUA and it has some basis in reality.  As a tactical thing, you freeze a girl out when she does something wrong.  When someone wrongs you, the thing that they should do is apologize.  The freeze out works the same way.  If the girl does something wrong she should apologize so the two of you can move on from it.  However, if she is incapable or refuses to recognize it then you shouldn't put up with it or ignore it for the sake of not losing her.  In most cases, if you are of value and a girl loses you because of something she did, she'll come back and recognize that she was the one that messed up.  

OP, let's look at your situation.  You weren't getting her clues.  Sure, she called you back but it was because she is interested in you but not because you froze her out.  She even pointed out that she thought you dismissed her or thought that you found someone else and didn't even think that it may be because she didn't respond to "don't understand what?"  You have to ask yourself, what did the freeze out do for you if she didn't recognize why you froze her out?  If she didn't recognize why you froze her out, how exactly did it work?