Thanks for helping me remember my true self JackZero
Dec 29, 2020 19:08:19 GMT
JackZero, GFRESH2DEF, and 2 more like this
Post by kidkazushi on Dec 29, 2020 19:08:19 GMT
Some comments from JackZero and G on a recent thread I wrote has brought these experiences back in to my mind and the lessons it can teach.
The reason I'm writing this post is to remember some simple truths. Sounds selfish, I know.
I'm also sorry if I posted this in the wrong forums.
This was without a doubt the greatest pickup of my life so far and its the first time I've documented the details. Only a few friends know of it.
When you read this, I encourage you to read it as a story so you'll get the most enjoyment out of it.
It's not just about the pickup, but the journey also.
It's long, but I hope you all can read it and learn something from it.
I know I've learned something from writing it and reading it to myself over and over.
You can skip to the second underlined section for the turn in the story but I would highly recommend you read it all.
The context and transformation is important.
Thank you, JackZero and G.
It's the May of 2019.
I'm an engineering student who is always buckling down and letting life's opportunities pass me by. I've lost some muscle mass due to a lack of time to exercise and poor diet. I'm only focused on my goals and my girlfriend has just broken up with me during dead week because of this. I currently think moving forward in life now would mean working at the office everyday. It seems I've lost a few of the interesting parts of myself.
Its graduation night and I'm out with my friends at a bar celebrating. I leave my friends at the bar and go to meet another girl from my engineering classes. We'll call her B. We've been studying together for years and she's exactly what I think my type is. We had been hanging out a lot since the breakup and she had been dropping huge IOIs. The chemistry is real and I had just passed on opportunity to stay the night with her because I got in my head about it. I decide to tell her how I feel because it's either then or possibly never. I had analyzed the approach and the entry to it became forced. Not a good move in general, especially not in a college bar. She says it wouldn't work out. She is genuinely kind about it but much too vague. Frustrated, I leave the bar and rendezvous with some friends at another bar. Once I'm there, I order twenty shots. I drink six or so and pass the rest to my friends.
At the bar with my friends, I have run in with an old oneitis. I've known her since I was fifteen and we'd talked on and off periodically when I was younger. I had never gotten over her at this point. After getting my feelings spurned it was a completely insane coincidence for me to have a run in with her of all people. The last time I had seen her was nearly two years ago just before she left for North Carolina with her boyfriend. She had happened to come to town at a friend's invitation and I decide to go to another bar with her. At this point I've drank enough to kill a small child and I'm completely wasted. I tell her about the feelings I've had for her over the years while we dance. Later, I say something about what a genuine POS her current boyfriend is (it was completely true). She knew I had feelings for her but the thoughts on the boyfriend were completely new to her. He was toxic and in hindsight, I don't regret saying it. She cried, and that part I regret. Needless to say, it didn't turn out how my drunken brain had calculated and I'm rejected. I leave her and go rendezvous with my friends again (dick move to leave a crying girl, but it was graduation night). Months later, she tells me I was completely right and she should've listened about her boyfriend at the time. He had apparently been cheating on her for awhile.
Now its Monday
What do I do?
I get over the eventful weekend, I pack up my suitcase in my apartment, and then I hit the road.
The trip is a four hour drive to Kansas City.
I decided to go to KC to meet some people that work at my new company so I could begin building my network. Lame thing to do on vacation.
B is also there and I want to get some more closure. I had felt that things were too vague for my taste.
I told B I was in KC and she responds telling me that she would like to see me
B and I have dinner, go see the Royals play, and then it's back to my hotel.
Instead of analyzing the situation carefully planning things like I did the first time, I have fun and enjoy the time.
These were all spur of the moment decisions and we have genuine conversations as two friends.
She tells me that we do indeed have chemistry, but things wouldn't work out because she lives in KC now and we'll be working in a different states.
Even though I'm rejected once again, I'm fine with this because I now have closure with her.
A confident person is okay with the answer "no" because they know not everybody will say "no".
I guess I knew this without knowing it first.
I've been dumped at the pinnacle point of college.
My two oneitises in life have just rejected my feelings.
I'm still hungover from days of consecutive hard drinking and I feel like complete shit.
I look out on the road and that's when I decided.
Instead of going home to spend the time before I start my job hanging around my home town, I would drive as far west as I could make it.
This was against the advice of everybody I knew.
Life was at an odd point. I've gotten a few items off of my chest and I've reached my goals up to this point.
I released the shackles holding me back and decided it was time to cut loose.
The next destination was Denver, then Las Vegas, and then finally LA.
I salsa dance in Denver, sing in a bar jazz band, raft a river in Colorado, drive the snowy mountains, play the slots in Vegas, and drive the desert.
I'm drinking every night, getting very little sleep, chugging red bulls to stay awake, and bringing girls back to my hotel rooms in every state.
My friends and I talk on the road and they can't believe all that's happening during the sexscapade (we are dweebs).
I've cut loose and I'm flying high.
Now we get to my favorite part of the long drive.
The suns out on Venice Beach and I'm pumping iron and doing muscle ups with some meatheads I had just met (didn't say I lost all my muscle mass).
Then, I meet this beautiful blonde who we'll call S.
If I have to choose a song to describe her, it would be California Girls by Katy Perry (not a fan of Katy Perry but the song was a good analogy).
One of the most beautiful women I've ever laid my eyes on.
The body of a goddess and the attitude of a diva.
What she saw in me I don't know and I don't care.
I'm too busy living in the moment.
But now I realize it's because I remained the carefree individual that hit the road with no plans instead of worrying what she thought of me.
I was staying true to the new self I was discovering.
She would continually pursue me during the remainder of my time in California because of this.
S and I grab In-N-Out burger. Its night and we go to a hotel to eat.
I talk to the front desk and I tell him I want a room.
"That'll be $347" he says.
Its Memorial Day weekend and rates have more than tripled.
I reply "Hand me that box of Trojans back there without her seeing and you've got a deal".
She was in the car with a view of the front desk.
He of course adds another $12 bucks to the bill (figured they'd be complementary given the amount they were charging).
With the total now up to $359 plus tax (best $359 plus tax I've ever spent) the front desk clerk says "I hope she's worth the cost".
With a relaxed smile I gesture to the car and reply "she is".
I pay the man, get the card key, and it's off to the room.
We lay in the bed, drink some beer, converse about life, and watch Straight Outta Compton.
I was acting as my true self and being open about my experiences of the past few weeks (excluding the two oneitises and the other girls I met. That all came later).
However, the hickey on my neck was probably a give away that I had met other girls (maybe it helped, you tell me).
We play a game and I have to guess her number.
If I get it right, I get a reward.
I guess the number 6 and she smiles at me.
I decided the reward was a kiss and without asking I lean in for it (The timing was right. I have habit of asking first, in this day and age you decide if that's bad).
She says "conquer me" as she takes her shirt off.
Then I take off her pants.
We make love on the hotel bed.
She's never had somebody like me inside of her, size and stimulation. My perception of myself is completely changing during this moment.
We shower together (I slip in the shower but grab the towel rack to save myself from bashing my skull on the tile flower), finish the movie (it's nearly 3 hours and we caught the beginning), and she falls asleep.
I take her home after a few hours.
The pressure is completely off and barely existed in the first place.
We've just done a crash course on getting to know each other's lives and have shared a very intimate moment together.
The next day, she messages me and wants to me to pick her up.
Fast forward, we're at a busy restaurant in Hollywood now, surrounded by a large crowed of customers waiting to get their orders.
She says to me "a lot of guys are insecure when they're with me especially when I'm on my phone messaging somebody else. Why don't you care?"
I reply "because you're here with me instead of being with them". She smiles and says this "I had to see you again after last night. You're fun, plus your dick was huge".
Exactly the words you want to hear from a woman of her caliber.
She is getting constant attention from men all across LA.
Male models and rich men, everybody was wanting some of S.
I know this because we were talking about a few of the men messaging her and she has the looks to back it up.
For some reason she decides I'm the one she wants to spend her time with.
I didn't get in my head about it even for a second.
Without realizing it, I was seeding the pull for more just by being myself.
She was with me, the guy in front of her who was energetic, funny, disarming, and confident.
I'm determined to stay that way. At this point it's easy.
We drive through Hollywood listening to Snoop Dogg and then we go to Santa Monica where we take a picture together and kiss on the beach.
I talk with some strangers on the boardwalk as we're leaving.
She looks at me with a puzzled look and says "you'll really talk to anybody won't you?"
She's lived in LA her whole life and its not usual for them to converse with strangers it seems (a person told me to F off after I asked for directions before I met her).
I say to her "pretty much, its how I've been my whole life and what were strangers have become friends". Something I had forgotten.
I don't care what she thinks of it and I stay true to myself. The atmosphere doesn't change even though I knew she was initially bothered by it.
We spend days together going around LA and having fun until finally it's my last day in California.
I only have two more weeks before I go to work and I've already gotten a call on how badly they need my help.
Driving to LA is a pretty go excuse but they were probably wondering if I was insane and if they've made a mistake hiring me.
I don't care what they think but I know I have to hit the road to get my affairs in order before moving to a new city.
Our last day together is at hand.
I pick her up and we take one last trip together.
We drive the Ventura mountains with the windows down blaring music and then head to Malibu beach with some champagne.
On the beach we kiss, enjoy the ocean together, and I get one last picture with her in the sun.
Then I take her home just before I get back on the road.
She knows it's the last day. I pull up into the crowded neighborhood her house is on and she asks with a smile "are you leaving me now?"
With a grin, I say to her "just for awhile".
Summer Breeze by Seals and Croft is playing on the radio (not making this part up or any of this for that matter) and we share one last kiss.
I look at S in her sundress as she walks away and I etch the image of what I'm leaving in my mind forever.
We had spent a total period of a week together after just meeting. Everyday was a new adventure with her.
I'll never see her again but I'm fine with that because I'll always have the memories, feelings, and sense of self I've created in my mind.
Even if I have to dig deep to find them and him later.
I leave California at 4:00 PM and head back east.
I have a few more adventures on the road but those stories are for a latter day.
I had just gotten dumped and had my feelings rejected by two significant women in my life.
I decided to let go of things moving forward as my true self instead of lingering onto the past.
If I had not let go of both of my oneitisis and not accepted what had happened, I never would of hit the road like that and had the experiences.
I had little to no fashion sense and no knowledge of the game and I still pulled this off.
The biggest thing I took from this trip and the pickup was that life is one large opportunity to those willing to reach out and grab it.
You've got to let go of the past and move forward to the exciting new things that await you.
Let go of any fear, don't worry about the small details, don't analyze everything, and don't be afraid of the road in front of you.
If you are your true self and that true self is your best self, good experiences will flock to lift you up as you take those big leaps in life.
Writing this has reminded me of the truths I had forgotten and lived by during that time.
I don't just need the game the PUA community offers, I also need my true self if I'm going to succeed.
During that time, I had found a new better true self and I think I lost him for a minute. It's time to find him again.
Thank you for the inspiration my fellow PUAs.
Feel free to comment and respond!
宜しくお願いします,
Kazushi
The reason I'm writing this post is to remember some simple truths. Sounds selfish, I know.
I'm also sorry if I posted this in the wrong forums.
This was without a doubt the greatest pickup of my life so far and its the first time I've documented the details. Only a few friends know of it.
When you read this, I encourage you to read it as a story so you'll get the most enjoyment out of it.
It's not just about the pickup, but the journey also.
It's long, but I hope you all can read it and learn something from it.
I know I've learned something from writing it and reading it to myself over and over.
You can skip to the second underlined section for the turn in the story but I would highly recommend you read it all.
The context and transformation is important.
Thank you, JackZero and G.
It's the May of 2019.
I'm an engineering student who is always buckling down and letting life's opportunities pass me by. I've lost some muscle mass due to a lack of time to exercise and poor diet. I'm only focused on my goals and my girlfriend has just broken up with me during dead week because of this. I currently think moving forward in life now would mean working at the office everyday. It seems I've lost a few of the interesting parts of myself.
Its graduation night and I'm out with my friends at a bar celebrating. I leave my friends at the bar and go to meet another girl from my engineering classes. We'll call her B. We've been studying together for years and she's exactly what I think my type is. We had been hanging out a lot since the breakup and she had been dropping huge IOIs. The chemistry is real and I had just passed on opportunity to stay the night with her because I got in my head about it. I decide to tell her how I feel because it's either then or possibly never. I had analyzed the approach and the entry to it became forced. Not a good move in general, especially not in a college bar. She says it wouldn't work out. She is genuinely kind about it but much too vague. Frustrated, I leave the bar and rendezvous with some friends at another bar. Once I'm there, I order twenty shots. I drink six or so and pass the rest to my friends.
At the bar with my friends, I have run in with an old oneitis. I've known her since I was fifteen and we'd talked on and off periodically when I was younger. I had never gotten over her at this point. After getting my feelings spurned it was a completely insane coincidence for me to have a run in with her of all people. The last time I had seen her was nearly two years ago just before she left for North Carolina with her boyfriend. She had happened to come to town at a friend's invitation and I decide to go to another bar with her. At this point I've drank enough to kill a small child and I'm completely wasted. I tell her about the feelings I've had for her over the years while we dance. Later, I say something about what a genuine POS her current boyfriend is (it was completely true). She knew I had feelings for her but the thoughts on the boyfriend were completely new to her. He was toxic and in hindsight, I don't regret saying it. She cried, and that part I regret. Needless to say, it didn't turn out how my drunken brain had calculated and I'm rejected. I leave her and go rendezvous with my friends again (dick move to leave a crying girl, but it was graduation night). Months later, she tells me I was completely right and she should've listened about her boyfriend at the time. He had apparently been cheating on her for awhile.
Now its Monday
What do I do?
I get over the eventful weekend, I pack up my suitcase in my apartment, and then I hit the road.
The trip is a four hour drive to Kansas City.
I decided to go to KC to meet some people that work at my new company so I could begin building my network. Lame thing to do on vacation.
B is also there and I want to get some more closure. I had felt that things were too vague for my taste.
I told B I was in KC and she responds telling me that she would like to see me
B and I have dinner, go see the Royals play, and then it's back to my hotel.
Instead of analyzing the situation carefully planning things like I did the first time, I have fun and enjoy the time.
These were all spur of the moment decisions and we have genuine conversations as two friends.
She tells me that we do indeed have chemistry, but things wouldn't work out because she lives in KC now and we'll be working in a different states.
Even though I'm rejected once again, I'm fine with this because I now have closure with her.
A confident person is okay with the answer "no" because they know not everybody will say "no".
I guess I knew this without knowing it first.
I've been dumped at the pinnacle point of college.
My two oneitises in life have just rejected my feelings.
I'm still hungover from days of consecutive hard drinking and I feel like complete shit.
I look out on the road and that's when I decided.
Instead of going home to spend the time before I start my job hanging around my home town, I would drive as far west as I could make it.
This was against the advice of everybody I knew.
Life was at an odd point. I've gotten a few items off of my chest and I've reached my goals up to this point.
I released the shackles holding me back and decided it was time to cut loose.
The next destination was Denver, then Las Vegas, and then finally LA.
I salsa dance in Denver, sing in a bar jazz band, raft a river in Colorado, drive the snowy mountains, play the slots in Vegas, and drive the desert.
I'm drinking every night, getting very little sleep, chugging red bulls to stay awake, and bringing girls back to my hotel rooms in every state.
My friends and I talk on the road and they can't believe all that's happening during the sexscapade (we are dweebs).
I've cut loose and I'm flying high.
Now we get to my favorite part of the long drive.
The suns out on Venice Beach and I'm pumping iron and doing muscle ups with some meatheads I had just met (didn't say I lost all my muscle mass).
Then, I meet this beautiful blonde who we'll call S.
If I have to choose a song to describe her, it would be California Girls by Katy Perry (not a fan of Katy Perry but the song was a good analogy).
One of the most beautiful women I've ever laid my eyes on.
The body of a goddess and the attitude of a diva.
What she saw in me I don't know and I don't care.
I'm too busy living in the moment.
But now I realize it's because I remained the carefree individual that hit the road with no plans instead of worrying what she thought of me.
I was staying true to the new self I was discovering.
She would continually pursue me during the remainder of my time in California because of this.
S and I grab In-N-Out burger. Its night and we go to a hotel to eat.
I talk to the front desk and I tell him I want a room.
"That'll be $347" he says.
Its Memorial Day weekend and rates have more than tripled.
I reply "Hand me that box of Trojans back there without her seeing and you've got a deal".
She was in the car with a view of the front desk.
He of course adds another $12 bucks to the bill (figured they'd be complementary given the amount they were charging).
With the total now up to $359 plus tax (best $359 plus tax I've ever spent) the front desk clerk says "I hope she's worth the cost".
With a relaxed smile I gesture to the car and reply "she is".
I pay the man, get the card key, and it's off to the room.
We lay in the bed, drink some beer, converse about life, and watch Straight Outta Compton.
I was acting as my true self and being open about my experiences of the past few weeks (excluding the two oneitises and the other girls I met. That all came later).
However, the hickey on my neck was probably a give away that I had met other girls (maybe it helped, you tell me).
We play a game and I have to guess her number.
If I get it right, I get a reward.
I guess the number 6 and she smiles at me.
I decided the reward was a kiss and without asking I lean in for it (The timing was right. I have habit of asking first, in this day and age you decide if that's bad).
She says "conquer me" as she takes her shirt off.
Then I take off her pants.
We make love on the hotel bed.
She's never had somebody like me inside of her, size and stimulation. My perception of myself is completely changing during this moment.
We shower together (I slip in the shower but grab the towel rack to save myself from bashing my skull on the tile flower), finish the movie (it's nearly 3 hours and we caught the beginning), and she falls asleep.
I take her home after a few hours.
The pressure is completely off and barely existed in the first place.
We've just done a crash course on getting to know each other's lives and have shared a very intimate moment together.
The next day, she messages me and wants to me to pick her up.
Fast forward, we're at a busy restaurant in Hollywood now, surrounded by a large crowed of customers waiting to get their orders.
She says to me "a lot of guys are insecure when they're with me especially when I'm on my phone messaging somebody else. Why don't you care?"
I reply "because you're here with me instead of being with them". She smiles and says this "I had to see you again after last night. You're fun, plus your dick was huge".
Exactly the words you want to hear from a woman of her caliber.
She is getting constant attention from men all across LA.
Male models and rich men, everybody was wanting some of S.
I know this because we were talking about a few of the men messaging her and she has the looks to back it up.
For some reason she decides I'm the one she wants to spend her time with.
I didn't get in my head about it even for a second.
Without realizing it, I was seeding the pull for more just by being myself.
She was with me, the guy in front of her who was energetic, funny, disarming, and confident.
I'm determined to stay that way. At this point it's easy.
We drive through Hollywood listening to Snoop Dogg and then we go to Santa Monica where we take a picture together and kiss on the beach.
I talk with some strangers on the boardwalk as we're leaving.
She looks at me with a puzzled look and says "you'll really talk to anybody won't you?"
She's lived in LA her whole life and its not usual for them to converse with strangers it seems (a person told me to F off after I asked for directions before I met her).
I say to her "pretty much, its how I've been my whole life and what were strangers have become friends". Something I had forgotten.
I don't care what she thinks of it and I stay true to myself. The atmosphere doesn't change even though I knew she was initially bothered by it.
We spend days together going around LA and having fun until finally it's my last day in California.
I only have two more weeks before I go to work and I've already gotten a call on how badly they need my help.
Driving to LA is a pretty go excuse but they were probably wondering if I was insane and if they've made a mistake hiring me.
I don't care what they think but I know I have to hit the road to get my affairs in order before moving to a new city.
Our last day together is at hand.
I pick her up and we take one last trip together.
We drive the Ventura mountains with the windows down blaring music and then head to Malibu beach with some champagne.
On the beach we kiss, enjoy the ocean together, and I get one last picture with her in the sun.
Then I take her home just before I get back on the road.
She knows it's the last day. I pull up into the crowded neighborhood her house is on and she asks with a smile "are you leaving me now?"
With a grin, I say to her "just for awhile".
Summer Breeze by Seals and Croft is playing on the radio (not making this part up or any of this for that matter) and we share one last kiss.
I look at S in her sundress as she walks away and I etch the image of what I'm leaving in my mind forever.
We had spent a total period of a week together after just meeting. Everyday was a new adventure with her.
I'll never see her again but I'm fine with that because I'll always have the memories, feelings, and sense of self I've created in my mind.
Even if I have to dig deep to find them and him later.
I leave California at 4:00 PM and head back east.
I have a few more adventures on the road but those stories are for a latter day.
I had just gotten dumped and had my feelings rejected by two significant women in my life.
I decided to let go of things moving forward as my true self instead of lingering onto the past.
If I had not let go of both of my oneitisis and not accepted what had happened, I never would of hit the road like that and had the experiences.
I had little to no fashion sense and no knowledge of the game and I still pulled this off.
The biggest thing I took from this trip and the pickup was that life is one large opportunity to those willing to reach out and grab it.
You've got to let go of the past and move forward to the exciting new things that await you.
Let go of any fear, don't worry about the small details, don't analyze everything, and don't be afraid of the road in front of you.
If you are your true self and that true self is your best self, good experiences will flock to lift you up as you take those big leaps in life.
Writing this has reminded me of the truths I had forgotten and lived by during that time.
I don't just need the game the PUA community offers, I also need my true self if I'm going to succeed.
During that time, I had found a new better true self and I think I lost him for a minute. It's time to find him again.
Thank you for the inspiration my fellow PUAs.
Feel free to comment and respond!
宜しくお願いします,
Kazushi
