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Post by Lord Charm on Feb 13, 2021 22:00:09 GMT
Hello guys! I never thought this is possible, but here I am. It happened to me. Showed interest and she stopped flirting.
So there is one girl I know for some time. Until now, we were flirting with each other, like I do with every girl. There were some attempts from her in the past to go for something more than just flirty with each other. When that happened, I showed lack of interest (I really felt nothing for her). But when I tried to take things to a different level, she stepped back.
Basically, when I am interested she is not, and vice versa.
So from my observations, some girls are constant, flirt all the time and seem eager to take things more serious, while others (like this one) don't.
I feel like something wrong happened to my game. I am able to build comfort and a flirty atmosphere (I think) as they reciprocate, laugh at all my jokes (while they don't laugh at other guys), even get physical sometimes.
After I came on this forum, I read a lot of posts in which you guys said that I have to make her think of me as a sexual option (or something like that). Am I doing it too sudden? Do I have to make her feel special (not in a sexual way)?
What I did with this specific one (for example) was to tell her that I am physically attracted by her (obviously not using these words). But I don't think I made her feel special in any other way.
To conclude the analysis of my behaviour, I would say that:
1. I don't make girls feel wanted (enough or at all, idk).
2. If I decide to do it, I don't do it right (yet).
3. I think I focus too much on the sexual aspect, and neglect making them feel desired in other ways.
I have to mention that for this girl I feel nothing but slightly sexual attraction. Her body is a 7 on a scale from 1 to 10 (not hot, but it turned into a challenge for me now, ego got into the game).
There are other girls, for example, that are hotter and I know for sure that they are attracted. But my interest for them varies. Sometimes I find them attractive, other times I feel no desire.
Again, with this girl I took it as a challenge and I am amazed by the fact that she didn't reciprocate like some did.
P.S: I thought it will be an interesting topic some others could also benefit from.
Tell me what I am doing wrong and how to improve it. Am I the problem, or it's just the reality that some girls are not interested?
Thanks in advance!
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Feb 13, 2021 23:14:29 GMT
Sometimes they are just not attracted to you, and there isn't really anything you can do about that.
However, many women like a challenge. As soon as you take that challenge aspect away (I.e. becoming available to them) then the thrill of the chase is gone and if the only reason they wanted you for is the thrill of the chase, and that you had so many women vying for you that she had to win, then as soon as that is no longer the case after you went all in, that aspect is gone and you just become boring and easy.
Others maybe be more attracted to you in other ways so are more likely to hang around.
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Feb 14, 2021 12:13:42 GMT
I do agree with Pilgrimmeister. In a way..you have to play the same games at them, that they play with you (Just be indifferent and aloof to her, without giving her too much attention in return..but still flirt with her a little bit here, and a little bit there..but don't over do it though. Keep the flirting light and playful. Just don't make it a big deal, or apply any unnecessary pressure. In the meantime..just focus on your purpose, not on her. They are drawn to guys, that do that), to keep their interest. And there will be a time for you to escalate on her (when she opens up the escalation window for you). And a way for you to escalate things with her, without giving your power away (without making it too obvious, that you want her). I know that you've seen me say this before, but i'm going to say it again. Because i think that it applies here, as well."Girls like to chase after a guy..but girls don't like to be chased after, by a guy". If you can really understand that concept, internalize it, and apply it to your game on these chicks..you will see, that my quote is right on the money. Just think back to the girls that you've got in the past, and even in the present. What was the common denominator, as to why you got them? And think back to the girls that you really liked and really wanted..but you ended up not getting them, in the end. So what was the common denominator with those girls? With the girls that you got..you probably didn't care as much, for whether you got them or not. As opposed to the girls that you didn't get..you really wanted them, and probably cared too much (aka..you probably showed them, alot more interest). So if you had applied that same attitude and mindset, that you had with the girls that you got..and applied that to the girls that you didn't get (the girls that you really wanted, and that you really liked..that you probably showed too much interest in)..ironically you probably would've got them too. What also really helps, to keep you having that attitude and mindset with the girls that you really want..is to not have her, as your only option (so that you don't get oneitis for her). Because girls can sense abundance in a guy (A guy who has options..he has more than one woman in his life. Aka..he has more women than just her, in his life). And that's the guy, that they commonly chase after.
-G
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vagabond
MPUA Forum Newbie
Sup, I'm a university student researching-by-doing.
Posts: 18
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Post by vagabond on Feb 15, 2021 15:55:00 GMT
The other guys seem to have this one covered, but something that stuck out to me was how you think you need to make girls feel desired in ways that are more than just sexual.
I think that depends on what you want from the experience.
If all you want from this girl is sex, as an ego thing, then there's no point making them feel desire for you in other ways (by desire in other ways I assume you mean emotionally or sentimentally, correct me if I'm wrong) because then you're wandering into emotional territory that you seemingly don't have much interest in and now you're wasting both of your time. And also if you're just looking for sex irrespective of who they are its unhealthy to try appealing to emotionality to get sex from them.
It comes back to what pilgrimmeister said, if they aren't attracted to you then there's not a whole lot you can do and you'd be digging yourself a hole if you tried to make them feel desire for you in other ways.
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Post by JackZero on Feb 15, 2021 16:41:50 GMT
I do agree with Pilgrimmeister. In a way..you have to play the same games at them, that they play with you (Just be indifferent and aloof to her, without giving her too much attention in return..but still flirt with her a little bit here, and a little bit there..but don't over do it though. Keep the flirting light and playful. Just don't make it a big deal, or apply any unnecessary pressure. In the meantime..just focus on your purpose, not on her. They are drawn to guys, that do that), to keep their interest. And there will be a time for you to escalate on her ( when she opens up the escalation window for you). And a way for you to escalate things with her, without giving your power away (without making it too obvious, that you want her). I know that you've seen me say this before, but i'm going to say it again. Because i think that it applies here, as well. "Girls like to chase after a guy..but girls don't like to be chased after, by a guy". If you can really understand that concept, internalize it, and apply it to your game on these chicks..you will see, that my quote is right on the money. Just think back to the girls that you've got in the past, and even in the present. What was the common denominator, as to why you got them? And think back to the girls that you really liked and really wanted..but you ended up not getting them, in the end. So what was the common denominator with those girls? With the girls that you got..you probably didn't care as much, for whether you got them or not. As opposed to the girls that you didn't get..you really wanted them, and probably cared too much (aka..you probably showed them, alot more interest). So if you had applied that same attitude and mindset, that you had with the girls that you got..and applied that to the girls that you didn't get (the girls that you really wanted, and that you really liked..that you probably showed too much interest in)..ironically you probably would've got them too. What also really helps, to keep you having that attitude and mindset with the girls that you really want..is to not have her, as your only option (so that you don't get oneitis for her). Because girls can sense abundance in a guy (A guy who has options..he has more than one woman in his life. Aka..he has more women than just her, in his life). And that's the guy, that they commonly chase after. -G Hey G, for those new here...can you expand on the escalation window? I personally think that what you are talking about may be at the heart of the issue with this specific girl. |
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Post by Lord Charm on Feb 15, 2021 20:44:26 GMT
Yes, vagabond. I mean making her feel special emotionally. In my opinion (I don't have too much experience tho'), it is necessary to do this. I think girls want to be viewed more than just sexual beings (or I don't know how to do it to make them feel just physical creatures). As I said, I take this girl as a challenge now, an ego thing (it might be unhealthy for my development). And I think that this mindset I mentioned earlier (not just sexual option) applies to this one. When I made some sexual references, she seemed interested (in online game). But I wanted to take the spark to face-to-face interaction, and told her we will keep going the next day, when we meet. She warned me that she might lose interest, but I decided to neglect it, and took it as an impossible thing (if she showed interest in chat, why would she not want to continue the 'sexual' conversation in real life? I also wanted it in person so that I can escalate...). The following day, she came with the "I'm busy right now" thing (she actually was, but I also sensed a cold interaction). After that, when I hit her up with a text, she reminded me that she lost her interest. Here comes the interesting part. On 14th February (1 day later), she posted a picture of flowers in a group chat both her and I are part of. She said she got them from a secret admirer. I had a feeling that the reference was for me (she has no relationship right now). But I ignored the text. Now, we met again in person, and I also sensed a distant interaction. I hit her up with a text again, "asking her something about one of my best friends". After she responded to my question, she added the same line: "Your friend also got me flowers yesterday". I continued with something like "Woah, that little traitor. I told him I was going to give you some.", to which she laughed. The thing is that I don't know what to do next. Try to get into a conversation again with her face-to-face (and how sexual should I be?) or let this ego-challenge go? P.S: You're right JackZero, I think I don't know how to take advantage of these "escalation-windows". Thanks all of you for the advice! |
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Feb 16, 2021 2:51:47 GMT
Let it go. She isn't interested. She just enjoyed the attention she was getting online and lapping up the attention others will give her, such as your mate. She made it clear its friends or nothing, so nothing you will do will change that.
Online game is very different. The vast majority of dates you get from online will screen you as soon as you meet them in person and will make a decision if they are DTF before you even open your mouth. You have to treat it like an initial encounter that you have never met. Carrying on how you left off online when in person can creep a girl out, especially these days as the majority are online daters only and won't entertain approaches in the street, especially here in the UK with direct approaches.
To be honest, I just use online dating for a bit of fun, I typically compliment them on something them insult them in another way, so I can get a reaction or something back from them. Often if they read the message they will bite, and you can get a banter chain going. Before you know it, you are swapping numbers. Yeah, OK, sometimes I get called a creep etc, but those replies are not important, and of course, many get their inboxes blown up.
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Feb 18, 2021 3:23:06 GMT
I do agree with Pilgrimmeister. In a way..you have to play the same games at them, that they play with you (Just be indifferent and aloof to her, without giving her too much attention in return..but still flirt with her a little bit here, and a little bit there..but don't over do it though. Keep the flirting light and playful. Just don't make it a big deal, or apply any unnecessary pressure. In the meantime..just focus on your purpose, not on her. They are drawn to guys, that do that), to keep their interest. And there will be a time for you to escalate on her ( when she opens up the escalation window for you). And a way for you to escalate things with her, without giving your power away (without making it too obvious, that you want her). I know that you've seen me say this before, but i'm going to say it again. Because i think that it applies here, as well. "Girls like to chase after a guy..but girls don't like to be chased after, by a guy". If you can really understand that concept, internalize it, and apply it to your game on these chicks..you will see, that my quote is right on the money. Just think back to the girls that you've got in the past, and even in the present. What was the common denominator, as to why you got them? And think back to the girls that you really liked and really wanted..but you ended up not getting them, in the end. So what was the common denominator with those girls? With the girls that you got..you probably didn't care as much, for whether you got them or not. As opposed to the girls that you didn't get..you really wanted them, and probably cared too much (aka..you probably showed them, alot more interest). So if you had applied that same attitude and mindset, that you had with the girls that you got..and applied that to the girls that you didn't get (the girls that you really wanted, and that you really liked..that you probably showed too much interest in)..ironically you probably would've got them too. What also really helps, to keep you having that attitude and mindset with the girls that you really want..is to not have her, as your only option (so that you don't get oneitis for her). Because girls can sense abundance in a guy (A guy who has options..he has more than one woman in his life. Aka..he has more women than just her, in his life). And that's the guy, that they commonly chase after. -G Hey G, for those new here...can you expand on the escalation window? I personally think that what you are talking about may be at the heart of the issue with this specific girl. Sure. The "escalation window" is basically something that a girl does or says, that lets you know, that she's interested and DTF for you. And once you recognize that she just gave you an "escalation window"..that's usually your cue to start escalating on her (verbally & physically), and leading her to eventual sex. And by the way..the seduction algorithm goes like this..as soon as the girl gives you an "escalation window"---->you start escalating on her---->you lead her---->you f-close her. Where guys usually go wrong with this is..they miss the moment when the girl opens up the "escalation window" for them, entirely. Either because they couldn't read or recognize her DTF cues. Or he just ignored it, for whatever reason (One of my favorite things to do these days, during this very harsh wintery pandemic, is analyze male & female attraction dynamics in the reality shows. And i can usually see, the moment when the guys on these shows, misses the "escalation window" that a girl on the show opened up for him. And then the guy later wonders why, he didn't get the girl at the end of the season, when he knows that he should've. Lol). And then the girl will think that he's just a clueless dufuss..or he's just not really into her all like that..so she moves on, and the "escalation window" closes for him. Now an example of a girl opening up an "escalation window" for you is..if you have a female friend/acquaintance that makes a sexual innuendo or joke, out of the blue..while you're out and about with her, just hanging out with her somewhere (like at a Starbucks or something). What will most guys do in that situation..well to be honest, it would probably go right over their heads. He'll probably laugh along with her, about the sexual joke that she just made to him. But he won't make that connection, to her being horny, and her wanting him to basically ravage her doggystyle, right now..at the nearest hotel room, around the block (or at his place..or at her place). He won't use that sexual innuendo, to escalate..lead..and close her. So he won't even know that he just missed out on the opportunity/"escalation window" that she just opened up for him. So for him..it would be just like any other time, that he and her had hung out, drinking coffee together. But for her..it'll just be another sexual fantasy, that vanishes from her mind, while she goes about the rest of her boring mundane day. He'll just remain oblivious to the fact that, he could've banged her 9 ways from Sunday, just 20 minutes after they both had finished their cups of coffee. Most guys won't even recognize the "escalation window", unless the girl makes it plainly obvious to the guy, that she wants to fuck him. But most times..women won't do that. Instead, they will be alot more subtle with it..and hope that you will maybe catch on. They will always lay out hints though, whenever they open up the "escalation window" for you. And it's up to the guy, to pick up on it. But let's say he goes after that girl, once the "escalation window" has already closed..she may reject him. Why??..because she was in the mood before, when she opened up the "escalation window" for him. And now, her mood and desire for him has changed, or is gone. And that's what will confuse a guy, who was pretty certain, that she was into him. She was!!!!! He just picked up on it, too late. And his "escalation window" to get inside of her pants, has already been shut. Is this what you believe, where OP might've went wrong Jack? And to tie in Pilgrimmeister's take into this..the girl might not be interested in you now. But, she may have been at one point. But you may have missed her "escalation window"..and then she lost interest. You can try to see if you can finesse her to liking you/chasing you again. But you probably missed your opportunity, and now she's no longer interested. Or if she was never interested in the first place..still flirt with her, until she begins to chase you, and opens up the "escalation window" for you. Another term for the "escalation window" that you might've heard before, is a "choosing signal". Wait for her to give you the choosing signal, to let you know that it's time for you to..escalate--->lead--->and close. But if you jump the gun, and don't wait for her to give you the escalation window" (or choosing signal)..then you run the risk of making it look like, you're chasing her, rather than her chasing you. And once it seems like you're chasing her..she will lose whatever attraction that she had for you. Because women don't want to be chased after by a guy, they want to be the ones chasing after the guy. Sometimes..you can miss the "escalation window" entirely, and still bed her. But this is typically because, she really wants to be in a relationship with you. But that's a whole different topic for another day Lol. -G |
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Post by JackZero on Feb 18, 2021 3:56:33 GMT
GFRESH2DEF...yep, that's exactly what I was thinking and explained way better than I could have done. Women, when it comes to attraction, are often creatures of the moment. Everything that pickup is about usually boils down to us attempting to create that moment for her. If we don't take advantage of it, especially when they are DTF, that moment can go away and probably won't get it again. Understand, when a woman is fantasizing about you while you are standing in front of her will have her fantasy shattered if you don't act on it. Women don't think like us. Once we want to have sex with a woman, it's hard for us to change our minds about that desire until it happens.
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Post by Lord Charm on Feb 18, 2021 14:49:38 GMT
Thank you all for the explanation.
I will pay more attention to DTF signals from now on.
With this one, it was different. I knew she was interested, she gave me clear signs, but I was not attracted then. So I decided to ignore her attitude. After that, when I became interested, she gave mixed signals, which I turned into a challenge.
Idk, sometimes I find a girl attractive, but when I get to know her, most of the time I observe something I dislike. Either physical or on the intellectual side. I realize this is not good for my development, as you guys previously told me on the forum. If I wait for the dime piece, I will not be prepared for her. But this also makes some of them chase me. Again, a bad thing. If a girl starts chasing me too hard, I lose most of the interest I had.
(Have to solve these "problems")
Point to be noted: If I miss out on the "escalation window", it's (most of the time) game over.
Thanks again for advice, and feel free to add things if you want.
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