How to get confident

[happyhaboj]

So I’ve struggled with confidence for a long time, and can’t even look a girl in the eye half the time. Are there any ways to build confidence in yourself and your skills?

[JackZero]

Since your 17, I'm going to ask you some questions that are really important and don't matter at the same time.

1. Have you ever had a girl actually like you?
2. Have you ever approached a girl that you found attractive? If yes, what was the result?
3. How would you rate your attractiveness?

[happyhaboj]

1. Yeah I’m actually not bad with them when I get to know them but they’ve always been friends first, so I’m trying to get better with strangers.

2. I don’t actually think I have. Sometimes when I’m working I’ll make jokes with a customer and they’ll laugh, but that’s as far as it goes

3. I’d say 6-7. I’m tall and have some muscle, and like to think of myself as an extrovert around people I know

[JackZero]

So I'm going to give you some info that may surprise you a bit.

1. Yeah I’m actually not bad with them when I get to know them but they’ve always been friends first, so I’m trying to get better with strangers.

This is my favorite thing that you wrote because this is where your confidence should actually come from.  Most of the time a girl won't decide that she likes you after you've been friends first.  She'll like you but hopes that you are catching the signals that she's giving you.  I'd bet cash money that most of the girls that liked you did so from the beginning and hoped that you would have made your move long before the friendship developed.

2. I don’t actually think I have. Sometimes when I’m working I’ll make jokes with a customer and they’ll laugh, but that’s as far as it goes

This is my least favorite thing that you said because, IMO, your problem starts here.  Also, IMO, it's because you are afraid that you are going to put yourself out there and get rejected.  This fear is what is likely causing you to not have confidence.  To communicate to a girl that you are interested in her and hope she doesn't reject you is difficult for a lot of guys.  You should go back to what you wrote in your answer to #1.  You have had girls that like you even after developing a friendship with you and to me that says a lot of what your potential can be when it comes to attracting women.  Even when you say jokes to customers and they laugh, says that you may only need to put in just a little bit of effort into tweaking how to turn that natural likability into something that will make women receptive to you when you approach them.

3. I’d say 6-7. I’m tall and have some muscle, and like to think of myself as an extrovert around people I know

If you say 6-7, you are saying that you are slightly above average when it comes to your looks.  If you are tall with muscle and make sure that you have a sense of style, I'm willing to bet that you can be an everyday 8.  That means that no girl will be out of your league.

So back to your confidence.  Get yourself a good haircut.  Dress well.  This will get you to be attractive enough to approach a girl and not be rejected because of how you present yourself to her.  The second part is the hard part...approach women.  Do the newbie challenge if you need a gameplan.  Find a friend that wants to be better with girls too, so you guys can support each other.  You're going to have some rejections and that's okay because we all do. 

I'm going to suggest that you use the journal section here on the forum to start.  You'll get some praises and critiques.  You'll also watch your improvement if you are serious at becoming good with women.

[happyhaboj]

Thanks I really appreciate the tips

[Wacker]

Confidence is built through positive experiences. In order to make those experiences. You might have to just be bold.

With eyecontact. Look into your own eyes when u brush your teeth this month. It will be uncomfortable at first but then u get used to it. Tru to hold eyecontact with everyone you talk to. But do note that some males will become defensive with too much eyecontact. Women on the other hand. I havnt had any issues.

You just need to desensitize yourself to it

[TheWhiteTiger]

Jumping into the party late, but I notice through the thread you are 17, which is really great.

I'm gonna go ahead and warn you now that there will be days that you feel nothing is going right or the way it's supposed to and you're not getting better. BUT, you are young, and if you make a point to say "I will commit to the process for 3-5 year, and see what happens", I promise you that in 3-5 years you are going to go "HOLY SHIT"