Building conversation skills?

[doublesymetry]

I've been goin arround the forum reading posts and I keep on finding the same thing being said "Start a conversation and build rapport". I have very low conversation skills. I was raised sheltered and in Church that's all i know, so how would you go about becoming better? I mean don't get me wrong I can talk to people, but I'm not funny or witty and for what I've read so far it seems to be a necessary skill.

Just ordered "improv(e) your conversations" and "the secret" to read. Also I've forcing myself to go walk at the mall with a smile on my face. I think I could've opened a girl, but fear still holds me back. I was walking in 1 direction and she was commimg out of a store we noticed each other I waved hi and shy kinda shied away her face and mover her hair behind the ear. I think that is a sign i could've opened her am i wrong? Also i think I gotta walk slower.

Thx for the help.

[doublesymetry]

Correction, I can't just talk to random ppl. I've been working on it by talking to ppl i meet while working.

[JackZero]

You don't have to be funny/witty to have conversations with people. The guys that say you have to usually don't know what they are talking about and don't realize that was just one pathway for success. People generally like to feel good about themselves and want to be around people that allow for them to do so. Finding out and developing your communication style is much more important than emulating someone else says that you should be.

When I hear someone say that they aren't good at conversation, I generally assume that it isn't that they aren't good at it. My assumption is that they approach a conversation without having an intention for having one or avoiding what they really want to talk about. Even the funny/witty guys have a problem with this.

Here's a couple of questions I'd like you to answer:
1. What would have been your intention of opening the girl in the mall?
2. What could you have said to her to express that intention?

There isn't a wrong answer here. If you said your intent was to ask her to dance in the mall and the thing you could have done was ask her to dance, it's a good answer. It may not be the socially acceptable answer...but it would still be right.

After you answer that, I'll follow up with where I'm going with this for you.

[doublesymetry]

Honestly, my main intention is to lose my v card. Don't know what to say or do to get there. In addition, I wanna be able to make friends and have a good self esteem (never have). I'm in a weird spot since I'm 32 and never developed the skills to do thouse things. I've gone out on dates and kissed a girl, but that was Almost 15yrs ago. Again not a sob story, it's just what it is, and thats what I'm trying to overcome.

[doublesymetry]

I suppose i could have asked if she wanted to fuck. Lmao

[JackZero]

Dec 22, 2022 2:11:22 GMT doublesymetry said:

I suppose i could have asked if she wanted to fuck. Lmao

I actually can appreciate this as an honest answer.  This is you communicating your intention.  Obviously, this is way too blunt of a statement to expect a conversation to build from 99.999999999% of the time.  Chances are, if the girl was receptive to speaking to you about it, you wouldn't have a problem with this conversation.  Why could you have a conversation?  It's because the conversation would match your intentions.

If my intention were to fuck a girl, I'd be able to demonstrate/communicate my intentions.

1.  I'd get to the point that I found her attractive
2.  I'd get to the point that we should get together one night...maybe tonight
3.  I'd make sure that I got her phone number

When it comes to pickup, you have to conquer the fear of expressing your intentions.  You don't have to say them directly, but that needs to be communicated.

[doublesymetry]

"1. I'd get to the point that I found her attractive
2. I'd get to the point that we should get together one night...maybe tonight
3. I'd make sure that I got her phone number"

Stuff like this is what I'm trying to figure out. Thank you for putting it that way, it helps.

[Alex Penn]

Props for taking the steps to up your convo game. Improving social skills is a journey, not a sprint. Good call on those reads. Now, about that girl – signs seem green, man. Fear's the gatekeeper, kick it down. Walk slower, own the space.

Question for you: What's the worst that can happen by saying hi? Exactly. Dive in, embrace the awkward. Progress beats perfection. Keep smiling, keep waving, keep pushing those comfort zones. Need more guidance? Holler at me. You're on the right path, my friend

[JackZero]

Dec 5, 2023 14:14:23 GMT Alex Penn said:

Props for taking the steps to up your convo game. Improving social skills is a journey, not a sprint. Good call on those reads. Now, about that girl – signs seem green, man. Fear's the gatekeeper, kick it down. Walk slower, own the space.

Question for you: What's the worst that can happen by saying hi? Exactly. Dive in, embrace the awkward. Progress beats perfection. Keep smiling, keep waving, keep pushing those comfort zones. Need more guidance? Holler at me. You're on the right path, my friend

We're all going to get together later on this month to celebrate this thread's birthday.  Everyone's invited.