rocky
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Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 3, 2018 2:22:16 GMT
So, my older sister hooked me up with her 21year old friend. It just randomly happened, she always thought I was cute ,so 2months ago I got her snapchat. We started talking, nothing serious at first. Then one day I slept over my sisters house and she came over that night and I had sex with her.
I didn't want anything to do with her at first and she didn't want anything serious either since she got out of a long term relationship, so that was cool. But we kept talking and having sex. She's a party promotor so she goes to all these events literally every weekend.
We had a fallout one weekend because I didn't text her at all and she texts me one Monday"so are you done talking to me or not I wanna know" we had a big talk and cleared the air. she was upset because once the weekends would come around I wouldn't text her and I never asked for her phone number. I didn't want to bug her knowing she's probably fucking others guys, so I wouldnt text her.
She told me if I wanted to stop talking to her because it was obvious I caught feelings but she doesn't want nothing serious and would prefer friends with benefits.
Ironically enough,after that we got closer, I started having late night hr long conversations with her, she would text me good morning everyday, vise versa. I caught feelings for her she even told me she has feelings for me too. So we kept talking fucking and recently went on a date, I got her a rose, she kept a shirt of mine and would take pictures with it on. It was going smoothly, it was like she was my girl. We would act like a couple.
And then this present weekend came. She leaves to San Diego for a party. I go out with my sister for her bday this Friday. Shes texting me all night and saying she misses me and wants to hear my voice. I call her, we start having a chill conversation but she's at a kickback at this house she's staying at for the weekend. So she trys to cut the conversation off short and tells me to text her and I flat out tell her "nah"(I'm drunk) mind you I wouldn't have acted to beta if I was sober.. I hear it in her voice that she got offended/hurt and it just got awkward I try kissing ass and she's going along with it and is still hurt over me trying to buy food and go drive drunk, I'm like no I'm going and I guess I got offended also with her being busy. I just tell her" you know what just do your thing, goodnight"and clicked.
The next day I text her"good afternoon, my bad about last night. I didn't like how our conversation ended" and she responds with "good afternoon" and it's been short text like this since that night.
I texted her today "good morning baby girl" and she replied "good morning bby." And I can feel this thick tension and I just don't know how to go about this. I was thinking of telling her if shes free to talk to tonight just to clear the air. Just not sure which route is the best route.
This is all just so new to me, I don't really like this dating stuff and this fake girlfriend crap. It's tough because girls can get anyone in an instant and it's just hard to compete or match that especially since I'm new to this whole dating crap.
Much love guys.
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Post by JackZero on Sept 3, 2018 7:35:25 GMT
Instead of clearing the air, why not try meeting up with her and doing something?
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Post by R.C on Sept 3, 2018 7:49:54 GMT
It's tough because girls can get anyone in an instant and it's just hard to compete or match that especially since I'm new to this whole dating crap. Well, being insecure about it certainly doesn't help, does it? Keep a happy, chill vibe going. Jealousy fits and random tantrums are the most unattractive behaviors you can put on display in a relationship. Both of you are emotionally invested in this.
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 5, 2018 2:36:31 GMT
You are wise my friend. I'm still trying to work on my inner game and it's tough but I know exactly what you mean. I can't act this way, I really appreciate this advice. I gotta keep it positive and good vibes going.
Update, I hung out with her last night and made her came four times lol
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Sept 5, 2018 5:01:12 GMT
she was upset because once the weekends would come around I wouldn't text her and I never asked for her phone number. I didn't want to bug her knowing she's probably fucking others guys, so I wouldnt text her. She told me if I wanted to stop talking to her because it was obvious I caught feelings but she doesn't want nothing serious and would prefer friends with benefits. Ironically enough,after that we got closer, I started having late night hr long conversations with her, she would text me good morning everyday, vise versa. I caught feelings for her she even told me she has feelings for me too. So we kept talking fucking I'm only highlighting in blue, the parts from your field report when she was chasing you. I'm leaving the parts when you turned into a lovey dovey nice guy out.You got her chasing you by not validating her with texts and asking for her phone number, whether you did it unintentionally or not. So she tried to save face by claiming that you are the one who caught feelings for her, and not the other way around (girls have huge egos too, especially the cute and hot ones). So for not chasing her..you were rewarded by getting laid by her a few more times. Isn't it funny how you read some of these guys field reports, they're doing all the perusing, and what happens..the girl distances herself even farther away from him. Let the girls do the chasing. Girls love to chase after us guys anyway. The guys that they chase after, are the same guys who ends up fucking those girls anyway. Once we start chasing them, the dynamics flip, and they lose attraction for us. Funny how that works right. And btw..you told her that you caught feelings for her too, don't start that. Keep it light, don't start falling for this chick. She's a party promoter (ie..a party girl), she's not the kind of chick that you want to fall head over heels in love with. I promise you, that it will not work in your favor if you do that. She even told you how to keep fucking her, and that's by just keeping it as friends with benefits..and nothing more (don't involve your feelings). If you can do that, you'll be able to keep this fuck buddy relationship up with her for a while longer, than if you start developing feelings for her. Literally ride her wave..wink wink ..for as long as you can, and work on your inner game at the same time. You may have bad inner game, but at least you'll be getting laid by her, while you're still working on it. It's way better than having bad inner game, you're working really hard on it..but you're not getting laid for all your hard work. Lol -G
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 9, 2018 16:26:27 GMT
Damn, well I'm an idiot because I've became that lovey dovey guy. And I get what you're saying, It does feel as if I'm the one chasing her now.
Well, glad to know where I'm at and I really appreciate this advice. You've pointed out some key things that I wasn't even aware of. Now to get her to chase me again will be interesting.
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 13, 2018 18:22:23 GMT
Update.
Her birthday was this Monday. Took her out to a romantic roof top in downtown la. Had drinks ect.
The night before we were on the phone talking about feelings towards one another and I told I'd rather talk about it in person. So, she brought up the topic on our date. I took this as a indicator that she wanted to take things to another level, so I told her how I felt asked her to be exclusive and she said she feels the same way, but wants to take things slow.
Man did I feel sooo dumb and low. Worse feeling ever. It took awhile for me to gain my composure but wow I felt dumb
The next day we talked everything felt okay but I've noticed since then our text messages started going dryer and dryer.
How should I approach this? If anyone is still reading.
Thanks.
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Post by N2thevoid on Sept 13, 2018 18:51:37 GMT
Update. Her birthday was this Monday. Took her out to a romantic roof top in downtown la. Had drinks ect. The night before we were on the phone talking about feelings towards one another and I told I'd rather talk about it in person. So, she brought up the topic on our date. I took this as a indicator that she wanted to take things to another level, so I told her how I felt asked her to be exclusive and she said she feels the same way, but wants to take things slow. Man did I feel sooo dumb and low. Worse feeling ever. It took awhile for me to gain my composure but wow I felt dumb The next day we talked everything felt okay but I've noticed since then our text messages started going dryer and dryer. How should I approach this? If anyone is still reading. Thanks. stop putting so much expectation on the relationship it’s suffocating and smacks of desperation if u like each other let it flow wherever it may
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Post by JackZero on Sept 13, 2018 19:13:40 GMT
You told her what you wanted and she said that she wasn't willing to give that to you. However, if you wait then she may decide otherwise. While I'm not a fan of telling a girl that I want things to be exclusive, I am a fan of not accepting less than what I want once I express it. Unless she gave a clear reason on why she wanted to take things slow and those reasons made sense to me, then I'd walk from it.
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 13, 2018 23:53:16 GMT
You told her what you wanted and she said that she wasn't willing to give that to you. However, if you wait then she may decide otherwise. While I'm not a fan of telling a girl that I want things to be exclusive, I am a fan of not accepting less than what I want once I express it. Unless she gave a clear reason on why she wanted to take things slow and those reasons made sense to me, then I'd walk from it. Yeah, I agree with you. Her reason being is because I'm a dad and she's never been with anyone like this before. Ever since then she's been cold. Texted me good morning today and nothing more.
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Sept 14, 2018 1:42:54 GMT
Update. Her birthday was this Monday. Took her out to a romantic roof top in downtown la. Had drinks ect. The night before we were on the phone talking about feelings towards one another and I told I'd rather talk about it in person. So, she brought up the topic on our date. I took this as a indicator that she wanted to take things to another level, so I told her how I felt asked her to be exclusive and she said she feels the same way, but wants to take things slow. Man did I feel sooo dumb and low. Worse feeling ever. It took awhile for me to gain my composure but wow I felt dumb The next day we talked everything felt okay but I've noticed since then our text messages started going dryer and dryer. How should I approach this? If anyone is still reading. Thanks. Dude..i told you what to do, and you didn't listen Lol. So now she's letting you chase after her, and she's distancing herself from you. #1. Don't involve your feelings (and get all lovey dovey on her) #2. Don't chase after her (giving her unnecessary validation) You did the opposite of what i told you to do, and as a result..you got needy. (I'm shaking my head right now) Hhhhh..They never listen. lol -G
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rocky
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 47
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Post by rocky on Sept 14, 2018 1:59:21 GMT
Wow, you're completely right! Dude, she's a good one. I've been out gamed,she's real smart and hit me with all the right words i want to hear and shes a killer in bed.
I'm such a sucker lol She just text me"hope you had a good day at work" ugh I take it I still have her but vaguely. Idk I'm thinking of just cold shouldering her. And not text back at all.
Sorry bro, for not taking your advice. I just re read it and it hit me like a rock on the face! Guess I was caught up in the moment that I disregarded that brilliant advice.
Thanks G!
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Post by N2thevoid on Sept 14, 2018 17:28:40 GMT
"She told me if I wanted to stop talking to her because it was obvious I caught feelings but she doesn't want nothing serious and would prefer friends with benefits." "I told her how I felt asked her to be exclusive and she said she feels the same way, but wants to take things slow."
She'd told you what her expectations were. You won't win any favor by declaring to her you want exclusivity. It would be another thing altogether if it was you who set the initial frame. It is possible she's distancing herself to protect both you and her, as now she knows your intent and likely isn't ready (or wanting) what you want at this time.
You need to be seeing other women and not spreading your attachment so thin. Irrespective of how this one pans out it won't serve you at all to make her the starring attraction in your world. You've got to see the forest for the trees, and right now your face is up close and personal with a single tree trunk.
You've got to re-center yourself. What makes her so special that another woman can't provide the very same things and also be open to exclusivity? This is time where you've got to look at the logic end of things, and create a bit of space emotionally. It is a good thing she's distanced herself, for your sake. I hope you respect that and take the time to re-calibrate within yourself so you can move forward rather than remain within a headwind.
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Sept 16, 2018 23:32:38 GMT
What I find is if you spill your feelings to a girl who is not ready, she will slip away. 90% of the time they keep you as a backup option for validation and find someone else who can be a man about it and you lose.
Next time don't display your feelings or chase her once you have dated once or twice, and don't initiate the "lets get more exclusive" talk. Always let them bring up the exclusivity talk and when they splill out their feelings, then you can let out your feelings but in a calibrated way. I have made this mistake plenty of times and lost every time. The time I have not spoken my feelings or even shown any, and they genuinely like me, they let it all out, I calibrate if I feel the same way and we move forward into a relationship.
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Post by R.C on Sept 18, 2018 11:23:45 GMT
What I find is if you spill your feelings to a girl who is not ready, she will slip away. 90% of the time they keep you as a backup option for validation and find someone else who can be a man about it and you lose. Half true. If you spill your feelings and she's not ready, she will tend[/b] to slip. And if you chase, that will act as confirmation that she's in the right. JZ laid it out for you OP. You spilled. Fine, I get it. It happens. I'm not a big fan of it, and I always let women bring up that talk to me. But hey, if you've put your expectations out there, now it's time to stick by them. Ball's in her court. Downgrade her. N2 is on the right track about you being up close and personal with that one tree trunk. At this point she knows what you want, and if you continue to entertain the current dynamic she'll also know you'll settle for less. Will you?
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