Not knowing what I want

[svabos]

I have a problem: i would love to have sex with women but I'm not interested in them personally. In fact I'm not interested in anyone, people just don't interest me. I love to watch people doing good job, for example seeing instructors infield videos of picking up women but I'm not interested in instructors themselves. Same is with sex and girls: most of women i know are boring as hell, doing noting with their life, but i would like to f... them, so i really don't know how to project that out because it goes out of me in a way I'm not interested at all in them
So how to project my desire just to have sex without getting to know the girl

[GFRESH2DEF]

I gotta admit, what you said here is kinda strange. But i read your introduction, and i can relate to it. I've also been a beta male for the majority of my life, and had a very low self-asteem for a very long time. Even worse..i was a hard case as well. It wasn't until i found out about pickup & self-development close to 5 years ago..was when i started accumulating the skills and tools that i needed to start getting my confidence and self-asteem back. Over time..i found that it descended me into a rabbit hole, to where i found deeper and deeper levels of confidence, self-fulfillment, and appreciation. The relief that i felt when it was starting to free me mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually (i was truly awoke for the first time in my life, and it was a sustainable change in myself too), that's when i realized that i can change myself and the outcome of my life..that became leverage for me, because i never wanted to return back to the person that i was before that.




I have an explanation that might can explain your disposition, having little desire in being sexual with women. You can't really yearn for something that you never had, or gotten a taste of. If i never ate ice cream before..it's not really possible for me to yearn for it or miss it. Like-wise..if you've never tasted a hot girl before (figuratively and literally Lol), you can't yearn for or miss having a hot girl. In other words..you have no leverage to actively seek to include hot girls into your life because you never had a hot girl before. For me personally..having a sucky dating life in general, was leverage enough for me. When i first started, i just wanted to improve my dating life period. I wouldn't have been mad if i had average to slightly above average girls in my life, i just wanted to improve in that area of my life. But it wasn't until i started approaching hotter girls on the street, was when it occurred to me, that maybe..just maybe..i can go for the hotter girls, and maybe even fuck one of them. I don't have to just settle for the below average or the average girl. And with that mindset that was developing in my mind organically over time, from approaching so many girls (approaching below average girls at the start..to the average girls..to the above average girls..and then to the hot girls) in my 1st year..led me on a journey, to where i'm at in my game today.




To answer your question on "How you can project your desire just to have sex with the girl without getting to know the girl?"..the simplest way that i can think of is to spike up the girl's buying temperature so high (using verbal & physical escalation..which i go into depth in my field reports and posts on this forum and on the old forum) that she just wants to fuck you badly. And from there..you just lead and pull her back to your place or her place. That is the most efficient way to accomplish what you have asked. This is something that i do know how to do with girls, but..it isn't easy to do. It requires for you to be clear in your sexual intent with the girl..hold strong unwavering eye contact with her..your body language needs to be on point..your verbal & physical escalation needs to be flowing, you can't hesitate with your escalation on her..you have to be leading her..you have to have a strong frame (to pass all of her shit tests)..you need to be socially calibrated while still not giving a fuck about what anybody thinks, at the same time..and lastly, quickly solve all the logistical problems that come up. If you can do all of that..then you can probably fuck almost any girl that you are able to successfully do all of that with. But it's way easier said than done. I'm not even able to always successfully check all of these boxes with every girl that i want to bang.




But after you get good at doing this, and after you have slept with an X amount of girls..you will eventually run into a common "sticking point". And that sticking point is..you will know how to get same day/same night lays (or one night stands) with girls, but the girls that you banged will not come back. It will constantly be alot of one and dones. Eventually you will want some of those girls to keep coming back. You will get to a point to where you yearn for more than just a bunch of one-night-stands. They are great to have and all, but you will get tired of the constant diminished returns on all of your hard work on getting these girls, and having to start the process all over again with a new girl, just to only have another one-night-stand. You will get tired of that after a while, i promise you. It will get old. So if that's the case..you eventually want to start making a connection with the girls that you are interacting with. You will have to add more comfort (as opposed to more attraction) to your game once this "sticking point" with girls happens. I personally like fuck buddy relationships with girls. There's still some of the girlfriend dynamic there, but it's just coming from a different frame. And i'm not actively trying to make these girls my girlfriend. I don't get needy with her (i don't get oneitis for her)..she is free to do whatever she wants to do after my day or night spent with her..and there is no "girlfriend & boyfriend" label. I don't put any pressure at all on these girls to be my girlfriend, like alot of new guys just coming into game tend to do.



-G

[JackZero]

What is it about you that would make a girl want to only have sex with you? This is a serious question.

[N2thevoid]

Are you interested in yourself? I'm curious how well you know yourself/how connected you are to yourself.

Unless you're a sociopath this is a typical pattern with people who are largely disconnected from themselves and their experience.

[svabos]

GFRESH2DEF
Many thanks for you insight. You are right, maybe that's the problem: because i never had any real experience i can't actually yearn it... My desire for sexuality I've been solving by using porn for whole my life. I've started nofap earlier this year and manged to not fap and watch porn for 47 days. It was great for my body and psyche. Because of it I've managed to find one fuck rather hot girl (slutty 8 when she used makeup) but because she was really mentally out of my league (she was really strong and had "it will be my way or no way" attitude, like "man strong" attitude I've submitted myself to her, became beta and screw it all, started to fap again... But I've decided to start again with nofap and now I'm on the day 5 (of required 90, but it should be a life time). One mayor problem is that porn made me less interested in reality so I have erectile dysfunction when I have to perform. Nofap should help with that

JackZero
That is actually really good question and I understand why you are asking it. Well I think that I'm good looking (i have rather pretty face for a guy), have above average penis size and know how to please the woman sexually (I've devoted my whole marriage to learn how to please my wife. I understand now that it was wrong: pleasing a woman must be a byproduct of enjoying her, not a goal). So short answer would be: i really know how to please

@n2thevoid
I am interested in myself but I must be doing it wrong. I try to use guided meditation and fail on most of tasks like trying to remember when i was happy or for whom i should be grateful for. Recently I've tried to connect with my inner child and as a result I've cried a lot. Did it few times again and always ended crying a lot and feeling sorry for myself and injustice of not taking care of myself thru my life. Every time i try to connect with myself i have a feeling of great sorrow how pathetic i am and only thing that i know how to get over it is to literally yell on myself "man up you f... pussy, there's nothing wrong with you, grow some f... balls and start doing something about it"

Any advice of how to make myself accept myself in a way that i can grow without beating myself would be of a great help

Also I've noticed a sticking point in my daily interactions: when i meet someone i know like colleague or neighbour, i tend to shorten my infraction because I'm always in a hurry to do stuff that's on my mind. I'm in my mind most of the time although I try to be in reality... I can see that it has to do with my lack of interest in other people in general because i put my interests in front of interaction with other people because i value my time (maybe a little to much)

[N2thevoid]

Were you abandoned as a kid or something?

[JackZero]

Sept 5, 2018 6:14:22 GMT svabos said:

JackZero
That is actually really good question and I understand why you are asking it. Well I think that I'm good looking (i have rather pretty face for a guy), have above average penis size and know how to please the woman sexually (I've devoted my whole marriage to learn how to please my wife. I understand now that it was wrong: pleasing a woman must be a byproduct of enjoying her, not a goal). So short answer would be: i really know how to please

Let's put some things into perspective.  "I'm good looking" doesn't equal sex and you obviously know that or you wouldn't be here.  Your penis size isn't going to get you laid unless you have it on your resume along with your skill of knowing how to please a woman.  What gets a guy laid is one of two things(outside of paying for sex):

1.  How she feels about him, or
2.  How she feels about herself when being around him.

No matter what, those two things have to exist.  You having no interest in them personally pretty much makes you unfuckworthy to most women because you won't be giving anything to her to work with unless there is something different about you that is completely noticeable.  This is why my question is what do you have to offer?    

[svabos]

Sept 5, 2018 7:25:57 GMT N2thevoid said:

Were you abandoned as a kid or something?

No. But no one really tried to dedicate to me. My father was always out and when we had activity together, he would criticize me, telling me that I'm "like as made of shit". My mother also didn't do anything with me, she was always yelling and asking just to be left alone to rest from days work. My brother also used to be rude towards me and i felt great when he left for university when i was 14. My friends were really bad, picking mentally on me, discouraging me from anything, telling me how fu*ked i am because of my different ways of seeing life...
So from early years I've devoted myself to find the meaning of life (general meaning, not my exact). I've chosen path of shamanism by using marijuana for getting deeper insight into reality. Used to watch heavy movies stoned like Schindler's list. I've cryed thru whole movie. I've watched a lot of that kind of movies and tried to relate to the story as much as I've could. I've developed a hudge capacity for empathy and suffering and because of that i really don't like that anyone suffer. Even slightest notion of suffering is very painful to me. Because of my childhood I've always had a feeling that was bothering everyone, so I've always tried to keep out of everyone's way, doing stuff in my small place, my room... Worst thing is that everyone tended to be rude towards me, especially girls, and it wasn't uncommon that when i would free myself in front of a girl, she would cut me off by telling me I'm boring usually not understanding or not trying to understand the huge knowledge i have about most of stuff (being alone i used to think about problems and to solve them). Now i know i was (and still can be) quite boring giving lectures and being know it all
So I'm a loner with no one ever really tried to get to know me. Except my ex wife and that's why i fell in love with her. But after 12 years of marriage (actually more like 5 years, next 7 were just making things worse), she couldn't handle me any more and I've withdrawn regulary into my room to protect myself from her and anyone else... Only by pure optimism and will i was functioning, mainly by beating myself with "you must do it!" quotes when i had to move or do something...

Thank you for asking me this, no one really asked me this kind of questions before. Psychology help is really bad in my country so there aren't much people i can talk to about this

[svabos]

Sept 5, 2018 7:42:49 GMT JackZero said:

Let's put some things into perspective.  "I'm good looking" doesn't equal sex and you obviously know that or you wouldn't be here.  Your penis size isn't going to get you laid unless you have it on your resume along with your skill of knowing how to please a woman.  What gets a guy laid is one of two things(outside of paying for sex):

1.  How she feels about him, or
2.  How she feels about herself when being around him.

No matter what, those two things have to exist.  You having no interest in them personally pretty much makes you unfuckworthy to most women because you won't be giving anything to her to work with unless there is something different about you that is completely noticeable.  This is why my question is what do you have to offer?    

Hmmm, yea, i see your point...
I really don't know how to spark other people interest in me
Let me try this again, things i have to offer:
I can cook really good
I'm dedicated and gentle
I know a lot about everything and am not afraid to talk about any subject
I love to go to nature, climb mountains
I love to watch movies (i have 3m wide HD homw theater with 5.1 surround sound)
I love to play games (board, pc, console)
I love to go out on a meaningful event (like theatre, concert, dinner), not so much to waste time like drinks

[JackZero]

I don't think you are getting it. You have to understand that any type of relationship is reciprocal. Even a girl having a ONS has to see something in a guy in order to have one with him. You list all of the things that you like to do, but still don't list anything that you have to offer in order to make her want to have sex with you. Yes, I see that you mention that you are dedicated and gentle but that doesn't mean anything if you aren't doing anything to create a connection. What can you do to connect?

[N2thevoid]

Sept 5, 2018 8:25:35 GMT svabos said:

Sept 5, 2018 7:42:49 GMT JackZero said:

Let's put some things into perspective.  "I'm good looking" doesn't equal sex and you obviously know that or you wouldn't be here.  Your penis size isn't going to get you laid unless you have it on your resume along with your skill of knowing how to please a woman.  What gets a guy laid is one of two things(outside of paying for sex):

1.  How she feels about him, or
2.  How she feels about herself when being around him.

No matter what, those two things have to exist.  You having no interest in them personally pretty much makes you unfuckworthy to most women because you won't be giving anything to her to work with unless there is something different about you that is completely noticeable.  This is why my question is what do you have to offer?    

Hmmm, yea, i see your point...
I really don't know how to spark other people interest in me
Let me try this again, things i have to offer:
I can cook really good
I'm dedicated and gentle
I know a lot about everything and am not afraid to talk about any subject
I love to go to nature, climb mountains
I love to watch movies (i have 3m wide HD homw theater with 5.1 surround sound)
I love to play games (board, pc, console)
I love to go out on a meaningful event (like theatre, concert, dinner), not so much to waste time like drinks

Attraction really isn't one of those binary things, and its on this that most PUA gurus are way off base and out-of-touch with human nature.

Let me ask you this. Are you attracted to you? Are you drawn to the lifestyle you lead? If not, what aspects of it are lacking (in your mind, not someone elses')?

When you're sexy to you, opening is easy. If you're feeling unattractive it has everything to do with how you feel towards yourself, and you'll simply project that onto the women you meet. This is why being delusionally optimistic doesn't help, unless you do the core work to be the best YOU you can be, for YOU.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be disaffected by a woman you're attracted to who feels the drawn to you. Sure its an ego boost, its great. But when you're reliant on what others think of you you're like that boat tied to an unfastened mooring

[svabos]

Sept 5, 2018 17:45:46 GMT JackZero said:

 but still don't list anything that you have to offer in order to make her want to have sex with you.
What can you do to connect?

N2thevoid
Sept 6, 2018 1:30:29 GMT 2 N2thevoid said:
Let me ask you this. Are you attracted to you? Are you drawn to the lifestyle you lead? If not, what aspects of it are lacking (in your mind, not someone elses')?

When you're sexy to you, opening is easy. If you're feeling unattractive it has everything to do with how you feel towards yourself, and you'll simply project that onto the women you meet. This is why being delusionally optimistic doesn't help, unless you do the core work to be the best YOU you can be, for YOU.

i get it now. wow, that's a tough one
come to think of it, I really don't know why a woman would like to have sex with me except that I'm attractive male (tall, clean, well groomed). Funny thing is that I realize that that's exactly what I'm looking at when deciding would I have sex with a woman: to be attractive in some way

Personally, I'm not attracted to myself at all: I live boring nine-to-five life, use my spare time to learn stuff that interest me but that aren't necessarily interesting to others. So yea, if I would meet myself for a first time, I would definitely thought of myself "wow, what a nice helpful guy"

you both really made me think...
let me try this again:
- I have manners of a gentleman and I'm always trying to please. I love to act all mannery and slick, like those old style seducers from movies that would make woman feel like she is a queen of the night
- I can show huge compassion towards women problems. Being a loner I've developed all the skills traditionally a woman should have, like knowing how to cook and make deserts, how to keep a household tidy, how to wash laundry and difference btw fabrics
- I can talk passionately about those stuff above. I've been told by girls before that I have that "spark in the eye" when I'm talking about cooking because I do it in a way you can imagine that food being so tasteful and good that you just want to try it like NOW
- I know and like to talk about hedonistic spend of time, like to how would I plan and realize a perfect Sunday, with bringing her a coffe and breakfast in bed, stretching like cats, cuddling, giving her a massage, having casual sex, having a great lunch, watching a movie on superb home theater and so on. I've noticed that when I talk about it, girls become sooo relaxed and start to stretch like cats 
- I know a bit about horoscope and how to use it in pair with cold reading. I've noticed that girls like when you "read" them and horoscope is great way to read people

But in general I'm jut a boring guy (staff that I do aren't boring to me but are definitely to others)

Can you give me some example why a girl would like to fuck a guy? Only thing I can think of is because he is entertaining so she enjoys his company...
Also, few days ago I've met a couple on one event. They were totally different personalities: she was kinda stuck up lady alike woman which tries to be fun but you can notice that she's holding a brake, while he is very "i do what i feel like doing stuff" kinda of guy. Like, they were talking about their vacation when she would lay whole day in the hammock while he couldn't be still for a moment so he had to to climb the local mountain on the hottest day. I can clearly see that she is attracted to his wild side, that that is what makes her blood boil although it's her greatest source of fear and anxiety: will the fool manage to get back alive from his almost self destructive journey
I can see that pattern in a lot of relationships that I know of: a women worrying will she loose her man. My problem is that I'm boring as hell, I never ever do stuff impulsively, EVER. I'm like perfect swiss watch that you can rely to in the middle of the night that will bring you home by some miracle way of swiss ingenuity. rock solid, rock boring...

[tordivel]

Sept 5, 2018 23:30:29 GMT N2thevoid said:

Let me ask you this. Are you attracted to you? Are you drawn to the lifestyle you lead? If not, what aspects of it are lacking (in your mind, not someone elses')?

When you're sexy to you, opening is easy. If you're feeling unattractive it has everything to do with how you feel towards yourself, and you'll simply project that onto the women you meet. This is why being delusionally optimistic doesn't help, unless you do the core work to be the best YOU you can be, for YOU.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be disaffected by a woman you're attracted to who feels the drawn to you. Sure its an ego boost, its great. But when you're reliant on what others think of you you're like that boat tied to an unfastened mooring

Woah! That is some really profound stuff :-)

[JackZero]

Sept 6, 2018 6:23:09 GMT svabos said:

Can you give me some example why a girl would like to fuck a guy? 

Him being perceived as a prize.  Like I wrote earlier:

1. How she feels about him, or
2. How she feels about herself when being around him.

Heywood has a post on here where he sees a girl in the store and offers her good company and a chill environment.  During that time he doesn't hide his sexual energy and he makes a connection.  Take a read:

My supermarket does carry ginger.

[svabos]

Sept 6, 2018 23:21:15 GMT JackZero said:

Sept 6, 2018 6:23:09 GMT svabos said:

Can you give me some example why a girl would like to fuck a guy? 

Him being perceived as a prize.  Like I wrote earlier:

1. How she feels about him, or
2. How she feels about herself when being around him.

Heywood has a post on here where he sees a girl in the store and offers her good company and a chill environment.  During that time he doesn't hide his sexual energy and he makes a connection.  Take a read:

My supermarket does carry ginger.

I've read it and became aware of my problem: I'm always aiming for a long relationship when i decide to make contract so I calibrate my way of communicating in that way. It can be seen above as I've numbered traits that will make me a good catch in a long run and i can understand that painting that picture in girls head is very difficult. That's why I'm not good with making hooks and connections.
Heywood was only concentrated in getting laid so he invested only in that tiny fracture of communication and it really got him laid...
That's actually so easy

But now I'm also aware of my breakes why i don't do it: I'm concerned that i won't perform good enough sexually so i tend to remove focus from that part of interaction. Like "i won't promise anything" by not addressing it so of it ends badly i can always say "well i never said i was good in bed"

In last month as I've started to look into PUAs, I've realized so much about myself. Than you ask about that

Can anyone give me some advice how to deal with my anxieties?