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Post by ninjabib on Dec 15, 2018 18:05:42 GMT
That may be true as you are far more exposed to this type of situation than i am but in my personal experience it was not the case. She admitted after we split up she couldnt handle my illness and didnt know "how to end it without seeming mean" so she ghosted to ruin us. All trust is gone between us now, i cannot be her friend as i do not trust her. That is the part of the issue here for the OP i presume to a degree as he has posted here asking about her behaviour. He needs to trust her beahviour to get back with her. If she behaves like this now and he takes her back she may well think it fine to do it again. Again though she is going to therapy so hopefully she will not. I guess it simply comes down to the OP having to weigh eveyrthing up and accepting that if they work things out and re-unite this may happen again. I wish you all the best OP in whatever you decide. |
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 15, 2018 18:34:32 GMT
That may be true as you are far more exposed to this type of situation than i am but in my personal experience it was not the case. She admitted after we split up she couldnt handle my illness and didnt know "how to end it without seeming mean" so she ghosted to ruin us. All trust is gone between us now, i cannot be her friend as i do not trust her. That is the part of the issue here for the OP i presume to a degree as he has posted here asking about her behaviour. He needs to trust her beahviour to get back with her. If she behaves like this now and he takes her back she may well think it fine to do it again. Again though she is going to therapy so hopefully she will not. I guess it simply comes down to the OP having to weigh eveyrthing up and accepting that if they work things out and re-unite this may happen again. I wish you all the best OP in whatever you decide. Your situations appear quite different based on that fact alone. In yours it was guilt that kept her from ending it and your "illness" was more or less the excuse she'd needed to justify her decision to you. I can see how you'd project onto his situation given what you'd gone through, the hurt must have run deep for you in the manner in which she dealt with the situation. Its not her behavior he needs to trust, it is her intention(s) more specifically to see her struggle as rendering her incapable to be there for him in the capacity he's wanting in those moments. |
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Post by danimal94 on Dec 15, 2018 22:15:23 GMT
Ya she is in therapy and has been in therapy since before we met almost 2 years ago. She knows her behavior was wrong. its great that she is working on her issues. At the same time, If I’m going to date someone I need them to actually bring these things to the table when they are needed most, not just work on them. It’s okay to make mistakes but it almost seems like I’m the guinea pig for her fuck ups where she can make these mistakes then go learn how to deal with it later. Her intentions are good but the person that I actually like is only there about half the time. The other half is her worst side that I grow more and more cold to. It’s becoming clear that this will likely never
Be a healthy functioning relationship. Although there is a person in there somewhere that I love, I find myself swimming through bullshit to find this person again. I’ve become bitter and resentful and now I’m not even the best version of myself. Rant over.
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 15, 2018 22:26:55 GMT
Likely the cold part you perceive which likely is her tuning out oscillating to anger when she sees her own failings in the relationship will make you withdraw. This dynamic is extremely unhealthy for both of you.
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Post by danimal94 on Dec 15, 2018 23:04:19 GMT
Likely the cold part you perceive which likely is her tuning out oscillating to anger when she sees her own failings in the relationship will make you withdraw. This dynamic is extremely unhealthy for both of you. I can’t say I understand what you mean here, can you explain? |
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Post by N2thevoid on Dec 16, 2018 0:04:13 GMT
Likely the cold part you perceive which likely is her tuning out oscillating to anger when she sees her own failings in the relationship will make you withdraw. This dynamic is extremely unhealthy for both of you. I can’t say I understand what you mean here, can you explain? How you perceive her dictates your behaviour |
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