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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 0:31:18 GMT
you ride a harley and you're acting like this? hahahjk ouch!!! I actually miss my sports bike! I'm not usually this tactical, but I know I messed up our last date 2 months ago by not going in for the kiss when she was begging for it....and the reason I wussied out is because she is a coworker, even when she was begging for it, my mind was racing different ideas on what would happen if she rejected me that day....even though its clear she wanted it! I was in my mind....and yes i often overthink things. Then she started retreating because she wants more of a relationship and I appeared like i was gonna be her lady-friend. So I retreated more for 6 weeks by cutting all contact, getting her to forget that.... it worked, she was very excited to hear from me. ( The NO CONTACT scheme has always worked wonders for me, i recommend it to everyone when they have a situation where a girl is retrating.... but during this time period of she reaches out, dont ignore her, vaguely reply and make sure you are busy and working on yourself. (work out, grow your business, do whatever makes you happy) I'm glad all of you pushed me to make the date today and clearing it up for me....Shes going to be driving an hour each way to see me, so I guess thats an investment sort of speak...i just gotta man up today. I will be back here with a full report I prefer to call it what it really is, 'the NO ACTION scheme'
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mathers645
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Post by mathers645 on Jul 31, 2020 14:50:17 GMT
CONFUSED! MORE ADVICE NEEDED GUYS! AM I BEING SHIT TESTED OR WTF? HOT AND COLD
I was hoping to come back here to brag but thats not the case. We went out last night, she came my way.
Upon seeing her, I gave her a super hard hug to say Hey! She said she was glad to see me then in the same breath complained that with traffic is took her 1.5 hours to get here and shes not doing it again.... WTF ... i just laughed it off.
Got on the Harley rode to a lake/beach, walked around..... she was distant as hell, i tried to kino, it warmed her up a bit and she reciprocated for a bit and then got cold and non compliant again. There seemed to be some weird tension...
seemed her mood was changing from warm to cold...to annoyed every 5 seconds (Never had that with her...super confusing, not sure if theres some weird thoughts going through her mind or what)
We went for dinner and a drink.... this part went very well...warm warm warm, had some deep conversations (non relationship related...) and a lot of joking. Here the date started turning around..thankfully
Got on the bike, went to a forest for a hike... the sunset was like from a movie, we took some selfies of ourselves on the bike, and near the water...went for a hike, i loaded up on kino and went great! She was warm during whole thing...
We sat on a bench for about 30 min, i did some tests to see if i should go for a kiss... my favorite is to whisper something and see if she put her face closer or if theres resistance....there was resistance FML...kept flirting with her...
For some strange reason she kept talking about getting married.. not to me, just in general...found it kinda weird, she mentioned it a few times throughout the day...i kept joking that im not sure if shes marriage material, we both laughed.
.......................
Dropped her off at her car....this is where it went wrong last time because i didnt make a move to kiss....We lingerered around the car for a while and as last time i went for a hug....
....but this time I pulled my face back after and decided to shoot my shot, and WENT FOR THE KISS!
She kissed back, and after a few seconds I pulled back, wished her a goodnight and to text me when she gets home and we went our seperate ways.
She texted me about an hour later that she made it and thats it... no comment, ,,,usually she will either thank fr=or the date or say it was fun etc...but in this case NOTHING...
Should I wait a few days and text her, perhaps send her our selfies and ask her to send me the ones she took with her phone? Or leave it alone and see if she texts me first?
Not sure how to proceed, it was a weird night... it got better after but not sure what the future will bring....i really like this girl, i always thought she was a keeper/relationship material but after last night with the hot and cold i dont know anymore.
Advice?
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jul 31, 2020 15:40:53 GMT
SMH She came an hour and a half to fuck, and you sent her packing?
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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 16:09:36 GMT
It's as though you rehearse everything in your head before executing.
You expect a negative outcome and your behaviour is forced, and likely whatever was going on in her head had nothing to do with you personally yet you were looking to her for cues that she likes you moment-by-moment.
All of this interspersed w bold momements but even those were fraught with distracting scripted thoughts 'maybe I am kissing her too long time to pull away' rather than going with the flow.
Women like serendipity, special moments its pretty hard to get caught up into them when you're thinking every second 'does she like me?', 'is this is a shit test?', 'am I looking weak?'.
Too in your head.
Jack will give you the 10,000 word essay for you to dissect and ruminant over shortly I'm sure.
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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 16:13:34 GMT
SMH She came an hour and a half to fuck, and you sent her packing? I get what you're saying, and there's probably some truth to it. How much did he sexualize things or was he playing it safe, mentally fist-pumping himself (sounds a bit masturbatory) each time he made a small move such as a kiss or bringing in her for a hug. I stand by "I prefer to call it what it really is, 'the NO ACTION scheme'".
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jul 31, 2020 17:38:21 GMT
SMH She came an hour and a half to fuck, and you sent her packing? I get what you're saying, and there's probably some truth to it. How much did he sexualize things or was he playing it safe, mentally fist-pumping himself (sounds a bit masturbatory) each time he made a small move such as a kiss or bringing in her for a hug. I stand by "I prefer to call it what it really is, 'the NO ACTION scheme'". She was attracted enough to drive that hour and a half through shitty traffic, to see if he had the stones to not only start, but to follow through. He was so busy trying to figure out test results that he forgot about the human female with her own needs. "Does she like me?" "Does she like these drinks?" "Does she like motorcycles?" "I kissed her and she liked that, now analyze outcome." "She likes romantic sunsets, now analyze outcome." "She likes kissing in front of my domicile, lets send her home so that I can sit down and analyze. Fuck. He had at least 3 chances to escalate her to horny level 98.6. All he would have needed to do was take her dainty little hand and lead her through the damned door. She thought she was getting laid. "I Wanna get married some day, but tonight I want some dick from a biker bad boy." The bad boy turned out to be a sheep.
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Post by JackZero on Jul 31, 2020 17:59:34 GMT
YOU ARE NOT BEING SHIT TESTED! YOU ARE NOT BEING SHIT TESTED! YOU ARE NOT BEING SHIT TESTED!
You are failing to take the lead. Everything you say you want to do, she ends up doing. She's coming out to visit you. She reciprocates on a hug. She goes where you want to go on your Harley. She reciprocates on your kiss. When you put her in her car to go home...she went home. She texted you like you told her to.
To make matters worse, you aren't even realizing that when you lead her into warming up...SHE WARMS UP!
It's these little indecisive things that you are doing that is taking her out of the moment with you. The problem with your indecisiveness, IMO, is that you are expecting for her to reject you. It can come off charming at first, but at some point it becomes a pattern and it tells her who you are.
This is the thing I hated most about your date. You took her to a spot that would give her a memory of you and instead of "doing" you did a "fear based" strategy. "I'm afraid that she'll reject me for a kiss, so I'll pretend that's not what I want to do." The real test to see if she wants to kiss you is her pulling or not pulling away when you go for the kiss. There is no better test than that. If you aim for lips and get her cheek...she's not ready for that yet.
While you look at that as a victory...I see it more as a "meh" moment. Good job of conquering your fear...but that should have happened at the lake. IMO, you are still acting out of fear. It is good that you kissed her, but you knew that this may be a make or break moment. It was a moment at the end of the date instead of the high point of the date. At the high point, it would have given her a great memory of you and the date. At the end of a date, it's more like you are going through the motions and following a script and doing the obligatory kiss good night.
What you really should have done has offered her to stay so she wouldn't have to do that long drive. Even if she turned the offer down...that would have been perceived as an invite for sex and allowed for her to feel desired by you.
I'm going to bring this up as a point that can lead you to turning her off. If she was talking about marriage, then it's something that's important for her. If you didn't talk about your views on the subject of marriage and instead kept making jokes, she's going to see that as a disconnect.
Personally, I hate the choices that you've made on the date. I think you're too worried about success and failure so much that it's kept you in an asexual place and it's going to be seen as unattractive at some point and it's going to make it so that you really aren't worth the drive to see you.
I don't know...I may have hit 1000 words.
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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 18:09:49 GMT
"He was so busy trying to figure out test results that he forgot about the human female with her own needs"
Too busy with spreadsheets, equations, proofreading
LOL
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jul 31, 2020 18:11:15 GMT
She didn't show up for the riblet platter and a couple of White Claws at Applebee's.
She wanted him, all he needed to do is make her feel wanted back.
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mathers645
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Post by mathers645 on Jul 31, 2020 19:12:08 GMT
I fucked up!, I admit that and now I need to correct, I obviously want to learn from this.
Next week im supposed to be meeting her and another mutual female friend/coworker together for drinks.
What should I do?
Should I make a move? Should I do nothing and get her out a couple days after that? After we disperse should I call her and get her our that day as I will be close to her house?
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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 19:21:18 GMT
She didn't show up for the riblet platter and a couple of White Claws at Applebee's. She wanted him, all he needed to do is make her feel wanted back. Does Applebees pay you to write yelp reviews? If not they should. He invited her to the restaurant where no food was served..
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Post by N2thevoid on Jul 31, 2020 19:22:08 GMT
I fucked up!, I admit that and now I need to correct, I obviously want to learn from this. Next week im supposed to be meeting her and another mutual female friend/coworker together for drinks. What should I do? Should I make a move? Should I do nothing and get her out a couple days after that? After we disperse should I call her and get her our that day as I will be close to her house? You already tried to correct, only to make more of a mess for yourself. I'd be a bit surprised to see if she'll be receptive to your overatures at this point. That said you got nothing to lose. "Disperse" ? Are you throwing an incendiary device her way? I don't get it.
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Post by JackZero on Jul 31, 2020 19:57:42 GMT
Why are you meeting up for drinks with a friend? Is she trying to show you off? Is she trying to make sure that she's not alone with you? Is she trying to pawn you off? I am confused to why you set this up. If it's not a date...it isn't going to do you any good.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Jul 31, 2020 20:07:32 GMT
Why are you meeting up for drinks with a friend? Is she trying to show you off? Is she trying to make sure that she's not alone with you? Is she trying to pawn you off? I am confused to why you set this up. If it's not a date...it isn't going to do you any good. Well someone needs to pay.
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mathers645
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Post by mathers645 on Jul 31, 2020 23:30:13 GMT
Why are you meeting up for drinks with a friend? Is she trying to show you off? Is she trying to make sure that she's not alone with you? Is she trying to pawn you off? I am confused to why you set this up. If it's not a date...it isn't going to do you any good. This was set up a week ago, I work with both of them so we going for drinks, I haven’t seen the other one since February...we paying individually
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