saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
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Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 6, 2018 22:55:23 GMT
I want to expand the subject from the last thread, since this happen to me a lot(and I dont know the fuck why), girl who are in a relationship and are trying to hook up with you, would you consider a relationship of any kind(FWB,LTR, etc..) with those types of girls?
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Post by undecided on Oct 7, 2018 4:15:05 GMT
I suppose it depends on the person but personally I am a big no for this kind of thing. I once had a girl over that I rooted, a couple of phone calls later she tells me that she has a b/f, that was the last time I spoke to her. She tried telling me a week later that she broke up with him but I still didn't want to contact her.
Theirs a lot of single females out there and messing around with somebody elses misses could lead to trouble so id stick with the single females. I see them being in the wrong but so too are you or anybody getting involved by enabling their wrong behaviors.
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Post by JackZero on Oct 8, 2018 0:10:58 GMT
I think there are too many morals thrown around with guys with girls who will cheat and visa versa. Personally, I don't like knowingly messing with girls who are in relationships but that's just because I don't like dealing with the fallout when this actually affects the girl's relationship. I also think it would be idiotic to try to make this girl your girlfriend when she cheats on her boyfriend with you.
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Post by R.C on Oct 8, 2018 5:56:52 GMT
I'm fine with it. I've cheated on some women and the thought never even crossed my mind with others. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a fallacy.
You can't look at this in isolation and make a decision based on a solitary fact. When I consider a relationship, the circumstances in which we met and whether she had a bf at the time are somewhere around the bottom of my list, if at all. There's a multitude of other, more important factors to consider.
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Oct 8, 2018 11:24:05 GMT
I'm fine with it. I've cheated on some women and the thought never even crossed my mind with others. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a fallacy. You can't look at this in isolation and make a decision based on a solitary fact. When I consider a relationship, the circumstances in which we met and whether she had a bf at the time are somewhere around the bottom of my list, if at all. There's a multitude of other, more important factors to consider. This here. I know of female friends or even some I have dated or been together with in the past prefer to monkey branch from one guy to another when a better option becomes available. If you keep it exciting for her then she won't go looking for an upgrade.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 8, 2018 14:58:25 GMT
I'm fine with it. I've cheated on some women and the thought never even crossed my mind with others. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a fallacy. You can't look at this in isolation and make a decision based on a solitary fact. When I consider a relationship, the circumstances in which we met and whether she had a bf at the time are somewhere around the bottom of my list, if at all. There's a multitude of other, more important factors to consider. This here. I know of female friends or even some I have dated or been together with in the past prefer to monkey branch from one guy to another when a better option becomes available. If you keep it exciting for her then she won't go looking for an upgrade. I hate this whole mentality. "Keep it exciting for her", it sounds so fear motivated. What does she bring to the relationship? Too many guys hold this mentality and it gets them into trouble and completely negates any self worth. Here's the thing with people that monkey branch, they never do the work to improve themselves, they stay unconscious. In a sense its replacing one 'addiction' for another. I know its not uncommon yet at the same time what about taking a pause, grieving, reflecting, building yourself up, and then when ready going back out there. Monkey branching is largely for very insecure people, often the type afraid to sit with themselves. Scarcity mindset.
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Post by R.C on Oct 8, 2018 18:10:48 GMT
I hate this whole mentality. "Keep it exciting for her", it sounds so fear motivated. What does she bring to the relationship? Too many guys hold this mentality and it gets them into trouble and completely negates any self worth. Yea I can agree with that. You don't need to "keep it exciting" for her. You need to keep it exciting for yourself. In and out of a relationship. As long as you're living the life you want for yourself, or building up to it, you're already doing better than vast majority of people out there. And with a compatible girl at your side, that's all you need. Relationships are supposed to be an enhancement to your life, not a second job. That said, it's also largely why I'm not bothered much by monkey branchers. If they're insecure, it'll show. If they're damaged it'll show. Red flags show. And some, if not most, clearly are. My point though is that you should see it coming irrespective of how you met. Some are perfectly calibrated human beings who happened to have met the right person at the wrong time. You can't change time but you can change just about anything else. It's like the opener. Utterly irrelevant in the big picture. Save for very rare situations, you're not gonna make or break a relationship with your opener, and you can't get an accurate read on a person's level of "relationship material" based on how you met.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 8, 2018 20:33:36 GMT
^^^ If I'd met a seemingly amazing woman who was freshly out of a relationship, I won't lie I'd give it a chance.
My immediate concern would be is this chick truly over her ex. There are 2 ways of looking at her situation:
1. She's grieved the relationship long since it actually ended.
2. She's looking to assuage her attachment pain by clinging onto something else.
Both situations concern me. With 1) I'd have to ask myself if it (the relationship) was over before it was 'over' (her swinging onto the other branch), why didn't she simply walk away earlier? What NEED(s) of hers were still being met for her to remain until the next best option came along. Perhaps it was merely sexual, or is often the case there's nothing sexual left towards the end, but some sense of validation. Attachment can be a funny thing. If he was still meeting some needs, and you are meeting others, its not outlandish that she may oscillate between both you and him (having her cake and eating it so-to-speak). OR the stereotypical bounce-back-and-forth. In other words when things aren't going how she thought (the grass isn't always greener) she rebounds back to her ex perhaps even secretly unbeknownst to you.
With 2) for me its the addictive mind. She's willing to swing when things get rough before jumping ship. I get what you're saying that if you notice signs you bail, but a lot of guys won't do that and then they get themselves into these dead end situations. So now you think maybe she's not happy, maybe she's not telling me she's not happy..."maybe she's talking to someone else like she was with me before she ended things with her ex".
I know we're talking hypotheticals here, but the reality is these situations are less than ideal, and I get it...such is life. But again, its about putting yourself in a potentially volatile situation, or as I said in a previous thread setting yourself up for an improbable positive-outcome scenario.
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Post by JackZero on Oct 8, 2018 23:51:25 GMT
I'm going to clarify what I mean about it being idiotic to get into a relationship with a girl that cheated on her boyfriend with me. What I mean by that is that I won't try to steal a girl away from her boyfriend so she'll be with me. I don't think once a cheater, always a cheater.
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Post by curtis72 on Oct 9, 2018 0:44:13 GMT
I'm fine with it. I've cheated on some women and the thought never even crossed my mind with others. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a fallacy. You can't look at this in isolation and make a decision based on a solitary fact. When I consider a relationship, the circumstances in which we met and whether she had a bf at the time are somewhere around the bottom of my list, if at all. There's a multitude of other, more important factors to consider. It shows that she’s swayed by other men. There will be richer better looking men interested, personally I wouldn’t bother with the hassle.
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
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Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 9, 2018 2:26:18 GMT
I'm going to clarify what I mean about it being idiotic to get into a relationship with a girl that cheated on her boyfriend with me. What I mean by that is that I won't try to steal a girl away from her boyfriend so she'll be with me. I don't think once a cheater, always a cheater.lets lets say you know a girl who cheated on her boyfriend in a recent past, how do you evaluate a possible relationship with her in that situation?
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Oct 9, 2018 2:48:17 GMT
There's a girl that i know who goes to a bar that i frequent. If you are dating her, you need to be wary. She may cheat on you if she feels that you aren't being that attentive to her. On the same night (a couple of Wednesday nights ago) that she was at the bar, complaining about how the current guy that she is dating..wasn't responding to her text (she was emphasizing how she hates being ignored)..i saw her and another guy that i know who also frequents that bar..getting very touchy feely with each other outside of the bar right after the bar was closing. And i think it was only no more than 15 minutes when it happened, right after he just started talking to her at the bar.
All i know is that her boyfriend..who seemed like a cool dude (who i met for the 1st time about 2 or 3 months ago, at that same bar) broke up with her recently over text. According to her..he said it was because she drinks too much (i usually see her at the bar drinking a glass of wine). But you know girls..they don't really tell you the whole story. And the current guy that she is dating wasn't responding to her text. There's probably a reason for all of that. Based on how fast she jumped onto the guy (the guy that i know who also frequents that bar), right after she was just complaining about the guy that she's currently dating, not texting her back..i could kinda see where they might be coming from. The last that i saw the guy that i know that night..he was with her outside of the bar. That guy said that he was coming over to the 2nd bar that we all usually bar hop to. He never showed. You can probably guess why.
The girl that you decide to make into your girlfriend..you have to know what kind of girl that she is going in. You have to ask yourself "Is she really the kind of girl that i would want to make into my girlfriend, and have a serious relationship with?". I'm guessing that the 2 guys that i mentioned..found out that she wasn't really the type of girl that they wanted to keep around as a solid girlfriend. Luckily for the most recent guy, who was just dating her..he hadn't fully committed into a serious relationship with her yet.
-G
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Post by JackZero on Oct 9, 2018 3:29:24 GMT
I'm going to clarify what I mean about it being idiotic to get into a relationship with a girl that cheated on her boyfriend with me. What I mean by that is that I won't try to steal a girl away from her boyfriend so she'll be with me. I don't think once a cheater, always a cheater.lets lets say you know a girl who cheated on her boyfriend in a recent past, how do you evaluate a possible relationship with her in that situation? The past is the past and that part doesn't matter. My statement meant: Girl has a boyfriend -> girlfriend cheats on her boyfriend with me -> I'm not going to try to get her to break up with him so she'll be my girlfriend.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 9, 2018 3:38:02 GMT
^^That's what I am saying. Problems follow from relationship to relationship. This is generally the case rather than the exception, if you refuse to take the time and plug the holes.
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Post by neo87 on Oct 9, 2018 4:28:02 GMT
I think it comes down to how you view cheating and what causes it. Personally, I believe that cheating is a moral/ethics thing...I dont think its because the person someone is cheating with is better, or the relationship has issues...I think people arent made for monogamy, and the difference between someone who cheats and who doesnt is whether they can cross that line and be ok with it. I assume if you'll lie to your mom, you'd lie to me. If you stole from your ex friend, you'll steal from me. What you feel ok with doing isnt going to change for me. People can change, but I dont believe in that change being caused by a new bf/gf. Most cheaters Ive met, had poor morals in general.... they lied, exaggerated and backstabbed ppl. Thats why I think its a matter of how much your conscience will allow, not who's in the picture now.
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