saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 9, 2018 5:43:43 GMT
I always try to get positive vibes, dont care about the past, but when the problems come, and they will like any other relationship, I probably get to think she will use the easy way out, cheat will be on the table for her, instead of working out like adults. Isnt the cheating itself but the betrayal and purposely hurt someone close to you(I am intention based, if the person dont have the intention, its fine).
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Post by R.C on Oct 9, 2018 6:58:30 GMT
^^^ If I'd met a seemingly amazing woman who was freshly out of a relationship, I won't lie I'd give it a chance. My immediate concern would be is this chick truly over her ex. There are 2 ways of looking at her situation: 1. She's grieved the relationship long since it actually ended. 2. She's looking to assuage her attachment pain by clinging onto something else. Both situations concern me. With 1) I'd have to ask myself if it (the relationship) was over before it was 'over' (her swinging onto the other branch), why didn't she simply walk away earlier? What NEED(s) of hers were still being met for her to remain until the next best option came along. Perhaps it was merely sexual, or is often the case there's nothing sexual left towards the end, but some sense of validation. Attachment can be a funny thing. If he was still meeting some needs, and you are meeting others, its not outlandish that she may oscillate between both you and him (having her cake and eating it so-to-speak). OR the stereotypical bounce-back-and-forth. In other words when things aren't going how she thought (the grass isn't always greener) she rebounds back to her ex perhaps even secretly unbeknownst to you. With 2) for me its the addictive mind. She's willing to swing when things get rough before jumping ship. I get what you're saying that if you notice signs you bail, but a lot of guys won't do that and then they get themselves into these dead end situations. So now you think maybe she's not happy, maybe she's not telling me she's not happy..."maybe she's talking to someone else like she was with me before she ended things with her ex". I know we're talking hypotheticals here, but the reality is these situations are less than ideal, and I get it...such is life. But again, its about putting yourself in a potentially volatile situation, or as I said in a previous thread setting yourself up for an improbable positive-outcome scenario. Yeah, the grief concern is valid. It's also situational though. Women especially will distance and detach themselves months prior to them actually pulling the breakup trigger. They'll go through the bulk of the grief period during that time and come to terms with what will inevitably follow. It's a process that can take a while. And if they meet someone during that time interval, well, monkey branching. It's entirely different if they're being the broken up with party. Then it's highly unreasonable to expect them to be in a proper state for something new. That not monkey branching, that's rebounding. I completely agree with your second paragraph as well. That's why I tell guys that their feelings towards monkey branching are by far more important than mine. Objectively they can take mine into account, but if internally they know they'll go into that "maybe she's not telling me she's not happy" mode, than that will[/u] become a self fulfilling prophecy. And yes, it's not an ideal situation. I'm just arguing that it shouldn't be auto dismissed. It shows that she’s swayed by other men. There will be richer better looking men interested, personally I wouldn’t bother with the hassle. Yeah I believe that's called competition. Whether or not a woman is open to being swayed by other man has everything to do with how happy her relationship is and nothing to do with a would-be ingrained character trait. Same applies to men. The past is the past and that part doesn't matter. My statement meant: Girl has a boyfriend -> girlfriend cheats on her boyfriend with me -> I'm not going to try to get her to break up with him so she'll be my girlfriend. I agree with that. Maybe I'm picturing monkey branching differently. Trying to get her to jump from one relationship to another is iffy. In my opinion she needs to be the one to decide whether or not to break up, but with no promises from the "new" guy. Once she does, they can date, to unknown results after all, like regular. But a "come be mine" safety net thing has bad idea written all over.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 9, 2018 9:14:07 GMT
"Yeah, the grief concern is valid. It's also situational though. Women especially will distance and detach themselves months prior to them actually pulling the breakup trigger. "
For sure, and I went through this experience last year. The onus is on the guy to see the signs, and to decide if its worth trying to stimy the tide and address it directly - at which point both people have to have some desire to 'right' the relationship's course, or decide that the ending is inevitable and end it themselves rather than letting it drag on to perhaps situations where she ends up cheating. Or, looks for some tangential reason to end it in an attempt to absolve herself of guilt or shame.
Its a dirty business. It happens. Even as I look at this I realize I still have a bit of resentment towards my last as that was my exact appraisal of how it ended (though I've no idea if she was indulging jumping into something at the time of our relationship's demise). It is what it is. One way I chalk it up is the vast majority of people are largely unconscious. Its seemingly easier to jump into something else rather than do the work and improve yourself before embarking on a new journey with someone else.
In a sense its not far from people seeking out PUA techniques rather than doing the core work on themselves that'll lead to lasting change instead of keep them in a place of scarcity.
Myself, I feel very strongly against people who cheat. I have suspicions that it happened between my parents, so of course history will determine how one feels about it. In addition to what I believe is the moral decay of society (or really just exposing human nature for what it is). Yes, I am becoming more of a cynic in my years, so maybe I cling to integrity as a means of holding onto hope - and for me its worth it as the world is whatever you make it to be. Nothing is fair or unfair, life just...well, life is. That said, I would certainly flag someone if I was aware they had a history of cheating. But the reality is, most people will present a version a favourable image of themselves they think the world wants to see. For all I know I've been with women who have a history of cheating, they just concealed it from me.
Bit of transference going on there;)
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 9, 2018 21:55:17 GMT
It shows that she’s swayed by other men. There will be richer better looking men interested, personally I wouldn’t bother with the hassle. Yeah I believe that's called competition. Whether or not a woman is open to being swayed by other man has everything to do with how happy her relationship is and nothing to do with a would-be ingrained character trait. Same applies to men. [/quote] this is like a version of rats races applied to relationships. if you cant rely in someone to work on your needs and you to her needs, whats the point of the social contract(girlfriend x boyfriend dynamics)?
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 9, 2018 23:13:48 GMT
It shows that she’s swayed by other men. There will be richer better looking men interested, personally I wouldn’t bother with the hassle. Yeah I believe that's called competition. Whether or not a woman is open to being swayed by other man has everything to do with how happy her relationship is and nothing to do with a would-be ingrained character trait. Same applies to men. this is like a version of rats races applied to relationships. if you cant rely in someone to work on your needs and you to her needs, whats the point of the social contract(girlfriend x boyfriend dynamics)? [/quote] Exactly. And that’s the intent behind the people running this board. To promote value in ones self rather than promoting the fallacy that women are a scarce resource and men must self sacrifice to ‘keep’ them.
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Post by JackZero on Oct 10, 2018 2:59:51 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired.
And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships.
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 10, 2018 18:38:51 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired. And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships. I dont understand why girls with like, 3-5 months of relationship, start to allow the flirt goes on, its supposed to be just fun, excitement and adventure on the beginning, why cheat?
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Post by JackZero on Oct 10, 2018 20:53:00 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired. And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships. I dont understand why girls with like, 3-5 months of relationship, start to allow the flirt goes on, its supposed to be just fun, excitement and adventure on the beginning, why cheat? I don't understand how magenta is a color, but it is.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 10, 2018 21:04:54 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired. And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships. I dont understand why girls with like, 3-5 months of relationship, start to allow the flirt goes on, its supposed to be just fun, excitement and adventure on the beginning, why cheat? If you were with someone and they stopped showing they cared about the relationship, would you not entertain other options? Relationships are work, they require effort by both parties to succeed.
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Post by R.C on Oct 11, 2018 7:32:52 GMT
I'll agree that it's a red flag if it happens 3-5 months in.
2-3 years is when this almost "naturally" happens in relationships.
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Post by Heywood Jablowme on Oct 11, 2018 13:57:27 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired. And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships. I can't think of a recent .... liaison I have had where the woman was 100% free and clear single. I stopped worrying about it a long time ago. I doubt I'm the only one here that's boned a girl, then you both excuse yourselves to another room to return a pile of unanswered calls and texts from the other person.
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 12, 2018 3:23:40 GMT
I'm going to say something that some of you may have experienced. Women with boyfriends tend to be easier to "pickup" than women who are single. I tend to believe the reason behind this is because boyfriends become complacent because he has her. They may be standoffish and communicate that they have a boyfriend but once they become comfortable flirting with a guy, they start enjoying the attention and that there is a guy that is making her feel desired. And no...I'm not saying all women in relationships. I can't think of a recent .... liaison I have had where the woman was 100% free and clear single. I stopped worrying about it a long time ago. I doubt I'm the only one here that's boned a girl, then you both excuse yourselves to another room to return a pile of unanswered calls and texts from the other person. that is a thing too, at least here, if you are with someone for more than 4 months and not enrolled in a "official relationship" and you are a girl, you are officially a whore. They try to hide, but the most common solution is, enter in a relationship that you dont really want. Or replace the guy, new start, no social judgement. Just be sure isnt one guy per week
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saddog
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 187
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Post by saddog on Oct 12, 2018 3:24:58 GMT
well, at least the "i am the only one who are in that situation all the time" got busted. Everyone are getting it.
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Prince
MPUA Forum Addict
Posts: 175
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Post by Prince on Oct 13, 2018 16:29:09 GMT
A woman is as loyal as her options.
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Post by N2thevoid on Oct 13, 2018 16:42:59 GMT
A woman is as loyal as her options. That's kind of reductionist and vague. Can you elaborate?
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