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Post by curtis72 on Mar 26, 2021 23:41:45 GMT
I'm just confused why you threw everything back in her face with your response. Why would she want to see you if you were being a dick to her over message? Well, look at it this way, she ended it right - I told her not to reach out for friendship, I established the fact that I do not have any interest in her and I having any kind of friendship type relationship. Yet, she still reached out to me. When she did, I gave her a chance to see me but on my terms. 8.7.1 Maybe that's your sense of humour, but if you're being legit it sounded like you kinda wanted her to grovel for it. You could have got what you wanted realistically. also, it might just be me but why push someone to apologise? What is the point in an insincere apology?
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Post by flyingbanana on Mar 28, 2021 17:29:29 GMT
So, another week gone by and she texted me again... she is clearly not respecting what I told her about not contacting me unless we are going to have a nice night. Remember, she is the one that LJBF’d me. Her last text last time was her promising I would never hear from her again. So today, I wake up to “I lied. There is something I want to know that I must ask you and please tell me the truth-there is nothing to be gained or lost. Did you buy the necklace just for me? Or was it something you made one of the others return. I only ask bc of the ring thing I know that wasn’t mine. But with this one I believe it was just for me. I know you still hate me but I finally went to Gyno and I don’t have any stds so you’re safe there.” Before things ended I told her it’s always good to check for STDs obviously and keep our fun safe. But funny, seems she can’t help but text me while at same time not respecting what I told her are the rules. Debating if I should respond, but the only way I want to talk to her is if she is willing to do fwb/relationship type thing. Just ignore? Or let her knw again that look I said not to contact me until willing to talk like adults? Tough one because she reaches out weekly now and it’s enough to linger/torture me.
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Post by JackZero on Mar 28, 2021 18:38:10 GMT
So, another week gone by and she texted me again... she is clearly not respecting what I told her about not contacting me unless we are going to have a nice night. Remember, she is the one that LJBF’d me. Her last text last time was her promising I would never hear from her again. So today, I wake up to “I lied. There is something I want to know that I must ask you and please tell me the truth-there is nothing to be gained or lost. Did you buy the necklace just for me? Or was it something you made one of the others return. I only ask bc of the ring thing I know that wasn’t mine. But with this one I believe it was just for me. I know you still hate me but I finally went to Gyno and I don’t have any stds so you’re safe there.” Before things ended I told her it’s always good to check for STDs obviously and keep our fun safe. But funny, seems she can’t help but text me while at same time not respecting what I told her are the rules. Debating if I should respond, but the only way I want to talk to her is if she is willing to do fwb/relationship type thing. Just ignore? Or let her knw again that look I said not to contact me until willing to talk like adults? Tough one because she reaches out weekly now and it’s enough to linger/torture me. You are far too rigid for your own good. You are trying to force an outcome that doesn't need to be forced. She is asking you, with the necklace question, if she was special to you regardless if she's saying that there is nothing to be gained or lost. If she were over you, she wouldn't ask the question. You appear to me to be a needy guy that is pretending to not be needy and you are overdoing it. You want the girl but you want her to agree to your demands before sitting down and having an adult conversation. How are you worth having an adult conversation when your approach to having that conversation is childish? If she doesn't agree to what you want, you're taking your ball and going home.
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Post by flyingbanana on Mar 28, 2021 19:51:01 GMT
So, another week gone by and she texted me again... she is clearly not respecting what I told her about not contacting me unless we are going to have a nice night. Remember, she is the one that LJBF’d me. Her last text last time was her promising I would never hear from her again. So today, I wake up to “I lied. There is something I want to know that I must ask you and please tell me the truth-there is nothing to be gained or lost. Did you buy the necklace just for me? Or was it something you made one of the others return. I only ask bc of the ring thing I know that wasn’t mine. But with this one I believe it was just for me. I know you still hate me but I finally went to Gyno and I don’t have any stds so you’re safe there.” Before things ended I told her it’s always good to check for STDs obviously and keep our fun safe. But funny, seems she can’t help but text me while at same time not respecting what I told her are the rules. Debating if I should respond, but the only way I want to talk to her is if she is willing to do fwb/relationship type thing. Just ignore? Or let her knw again that look I said not to contact me until willing to talk like adults? Tough one because she reaches out weekly now and it’s enough to linger/torture me. You are far too rigid for your own good. You are trying to force an outcome that doesn't need to be forced. She is asking you, with the necklace question, if she was special to you regardless if she's saying that there is nothing to be gained or lost. If she were over you, she wouldn't ask the question. You appear to me to be a needy guy that is pretending to not be needy and you are overdoing it. You want the girl but you want her to agree to your demands before sitting down and having an adult conversation. How are you worth having an adult conversation when your approach to having that conversation is childish? If she doesn't agree to what you want, you're taking your ball and going home. Well I am aware but at the same time by giving in to her and acting like what she did was OK, isn’t it just fluffing her ego? It’s a weird situation, so not sure best way to walk the tightrope. What would you do to not look like a child and also keep the sexual tension when she is trying to frame as friendship? I would talk to her about this stuff but it would be best to be in person and real life, not over text etc. should be clear to her she can’t leave me alone but at same time she’s the one who blindsided me and ended things but wants to keep me in her life... Obviously, now I see what I lost and miss it but at same time wouldn’t be happy to be friends with her unless was a fwb situation.
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Post by JackZero on Mar 28, 2021 20:12:46 GMT
You are far too rigid for your own good. You are trying to force an outcome that doesn't need to be forced. She is asking you, with the necklace question, if she was special to you regardless if she's saying that there is nothing to be gained or lost. If she were over you, she wouldn't ask the question. You appear to me to be a needy guy that is pretending to not be needy and you are overdoing it. You want the girl but you want her to agree to your demands before sitting down and having an adult conversation. How are you worth having an adult conversation when your approach to having that conversation is childish? If she doesn't agree to what you want, you're taking your ball and going home. Well I am aware but at the same time by giving in to her and acting like what she did was OK, isn’t it just fluffing her ego? It’s a weird situation, so not sure best way to walk the tightrope. What would you do to not look like a child and also keep the sexual tension when she is trying to frame as friendship? I would talk to her about this stuff but it would be best to be in person and real life, not over text etc. should be clear to her she can’t leave me alone but at same time she’s the one who blindsided me and ended things but wants to keep me in her life... Why would she want to talk to you in real life when you are being an ass over text? Think about that... I said this earlier in this thread and I'll say it again...she was throwing a Hail Mary pass to try to get you to give her some assurance that you guys were going somewhere. She's still trying to get assurance from you but you are being an asshole and demanding that she humiliates herself just to have a conversation with you because you are butthurt over her walking away from you. If you don't want her anymore then ignore all of her texts. Block her if you have to. If you want to see her again, drop the silly demands of what it's going to take to talk to you and actually have an adult conversation. If the two of you have an adult conversation and realize that the two of you want different things then you guys can let it go.
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Post by GFRESH2DEF on Mar 31, 2021 1:34:09 GMT
First of all..you are not wrong OP. You are doing the right thing..if you still want to keep her in your life, but still control the frame. I understand what Jack is saying though. He's saying that the both of you should just sit down, and have that real talk, about your differences in wants and needs from each other..and why you both should call it quits, and go your own separate ways (correct me if i'm wrong Jack). Jack's not wrong about that either. What Jack is proposing..is for you both to move on. What you are proposing OP..is for you to benefit, and for her to lose. If you agree to her terms, of just being her friend..with no sex involved..then you lose. But if you continue to keep stringing her along, with no hopes of her being anything more than just a fuck buddy for you..then she loses. Either way..one of you will lose. So i think what Jack is proposing, is a solution for the both of you..to break it off completely from each other..so that the both of you (OP and writer girl) can move on, and move forward with your lives.
-G
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Post by JackZero on Mar 31, 2021 13:43:46 GMT
First of all..you are not wrong OP. You are doing the right thing..if you still want to keep her in your life, but still control the frame. I understand what Jack is saying though. He's saying that the both of you should just sit down, and have that real talk, about your differences in wants and needs from each other..and why you both should call it quits, and go your own separate ways (correct me if i'm wrong Jack). Jack's not wrong about that either. What Jack is proposing..is for you both to move on. What you are proposing OP..is for you to benefit, and for her to lose. If you agree to her terms, of just being her friend..with no sex involved..then you lose. But if you continue to keep stringing her along, with no hopes of her being anything more than just a fuck buddy for you..then she loses. Either way..one of you will lose. So i think what Jack is proposing, is a solution for the both of you..to break it off completely from each other..so that the both of you (OP and writer girl) can move on, and move forward with your lives. -G Exactly this.
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Post by flyingbanana on Mar 31, 2021 22:29:44 GMT
First of all..you are not wrong OP. You are doing the right thing..if you still want to keep her in your life, but still control the frame. I understand what Jack is saying though. He's saying that the both of you should just sit down, and have that real talk, about your differences in wants and needs from each other..and why you both should call it quits, and go your own separate ways (correct me if i'm wrong Jack). Jack's not wrong about that either. What Jack is proposing..is for you both to move on. What you are proposing OP..is for you to benefit, and for her to lose. If you agree to her terms, of just being her friend..with no sex involved..then you lose. But if you continue to keep stringing her along, with no hopes of her being anything more than just a fuck buddy for you..then she loses. Either way..one of you will lose. So i think what Jack is proposing, is a solution for the both of you..to break it off completely from each other..so that the both of you (OP and writer girl) can move on, and move forward with your lives. -G Exactly this. I get what you guys are saying and I took a hybrid nicer approach but in the end it just confirms she is "crazy" but now thinks she has the control.... weird stuff. Take a look at this - I texted her: "Obviously that was just for you... you know when I bought it and got you a part of island with a seashell. With the weather getting nice and things opening up perfect for drinks outside or hanging on the balcony and talking like adults. Let me know when you're ready to do that and have an amazing time (but also apologize)." This was kind of a hybrid approach admittingly. But now look how she responded, totally in a "bitch" and "evil" way with no regard for feelings: "Flying banana - I just wanted to know bc I was curious about the past but I shouldn't have gone there. I'm never going back to you. I'm sorry if I misled you. I really really want you to move on. Maybe block my number or something, in case I feel the need to text you again. That's what I'm doing...not because I hate you but so you can move on." WTF?! LOL - she is the one who messaged me! Yet, she tried to walk all over me for responding to her question... Clearly, she is thinking in her head about me about not moving on etc., but I had completely ignored her and she initiated these texts.
8.7.2
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Mar 31, 2021 23:07:47 GMT
I get what you guys are saying and I took a hybrid nicer approach but in the end it just confirms she is "crazy" but now thinks she has the control.... weird stuff. Take a look at this - I texted her: "Obviously that was just for you... you know when I bought it and got you a part of island with a seashell. With the weather getting nice and things opening up perfect for drinks outside or hanging on the balcony and talking like adults. Let me know when you're ready to do that and have an amazing time (but also apologize)." This was kind of a hybrid approach admittingly. But now look how she responded, totally in a "bitch" and "evil" way with no regard for feelings: "Flying banana - I just wanted to know bc I was curious about the past but I shouldn't have gone there. I'm never going back to you. I'm sorry if I misled you. I really really want you to move on. Maybe block my number or something, in case I feel the need to text you again. That's what I'm doing...not because I hate you but so you can move on." WTF?! LOL - she is the one who messaged me! Yet, she tried to walk all over me for responding to her question... Clearly, she is thinking in her head about me about not moving on etc., but I had completely ignored her and she initiated these texts.
8.7.2 Block her completely and move on. Bottom line is, with fuck buddies, as soon as either of you develop feelings, then move on, unless she meets your relationship criteria and brings up the talk before it gets too much. There is no point dwelling on it, it was clear long ago that she was no good longer term anyway, and you left her in the Rotation too long as there was nothing better available.
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 1, 2021 0:15:06 GMT
If you wanted to hang around with her, I don't understand why you were so patronising towards her; why would she want to hang around with you?
You weren't pleasant, so this didn't appeal to her and so she cut you off. I don't even think she was unkind about it, certainly not evil lol. She gave you an honest and polite response.
In future, please know there's no reason to be a dick to girls in messages unless she's really pissed you off. Either text pleasantly, or just ignore it as it will give you some wiggle room at a later juncture.
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Post by JackZero on Apr 1, 2021 1:41:10 GMT
I get what you guys are saying and I took a hybrid nicer approach but in the end it just confirms she is "crazy" but now thinks she has the control.... weird stuff. Take a look at this - I texted her: "Obviously that was just for you... you know when I bought it and got you a part of island with a seashell. With the weather getting nice and things opening up perfect for drinks outside or hanging on the balcony and talking like adults. Let me know when you're ready to do that and have an amazing time ( but also apologize)." This was kind of a hybrid approach admittingly. But now look how she responded, totally in a "bitch" and "evil" way with no regard for feelings: "Flying banana - I just wanted to know bc I was curious about the past but I shouldn't have gone there. I'm never going back to you. I'm sorry if I misled you. I really really want you to move on. Maybe block my number or something, in case I feel the need to text you again. That's what I'm doing...not because I hate you but so you can move on." WTF?! LOL - she is the one who messaged me! Yet, she tried to walk all over me for responding to her question... Clearly, she is thinking in her head about me about not moving on etc., but I had completely ignored her and she initiated these texts.
8.7.2 No...this isn't a hybrid. This was the same thing that you were doing before. She has to apologize to you just to have a conversation with you. Pilgrim is right. Block her and delete. I'm trying to find where she was a bitch and evil in her message. She was actually being mature. You have such a passive aggressive way of communicating with these women it eliminates girls from coming back to you. I've had girls get tired of my commitment hangups but most of them come back at some point for another try. I don't put conditions for coming back and I don't put them down because they left. They just know that my stance hasn't changed about the titles and commitment.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 1, 2021 14:52:58 GMT
If you wanted to hang around with her, I don't understand why you were so patronising towards her; why would she want to hang around with you? You weren't pleasant, so this didn't appeal to her and so she cut you off. I don't even think she was unkind about it, certainly not evil lol. She gave you an honest and polite response. In future, please know there's no reason to be a dick to girls in messages unless she's really pissed you off. Either text pleasantly, or just ignore it as it will give you some wiggle room at a later juncture. Well, my thinking on it is a bit different. We were going well and out of the blue she told me how she was out, there were other guys talking to her, and then a couple days later after a nice night texted me a breakup text saying LJBF. At that point, the power is gone - I guess it depends what you want, do you value yourself? Do you want to be an emotional support dog? She went from being not confident at all to thinking she could do better. She made comments how the school I went to was bad according to her friend, etc. and stuff like that that she would randomly sprinkle in conversation. She called the $780 earrings I bought her cheap until I showed her a receipt. She created this whole image in her head where it is me begging her to hang and reach out. Reality is I went no contact and she reached out. The last text shows me that she in her head thinks I am missing her oh so much and that I am the one reaching out to her. She reached out to me. She's narrating the whole "relationship" mentally as a story, like the stuff she writes. That is why she wanted to know about the necklace. Some girls are just not all that nice. She told me stories how she spent a weekend with a guy and that he ghosted her completely in her past. To me, it seems she wants to get back at those types and by responding I gave her an opportunity to do so, mentally. Evil/bitchy how? Well, she is the one who ended it after saying how happy I made her. She is seeing other guys and texting me weeks after we ended it. She was the one when she ended things that wanted me to stay a friend. Yet, see how when I responded then she said to block her and let her go. She is trying to reframe it so it seems like I am the one wanting her when she is the one who keeps sending me these messages. Does that make sense? It is like if I told a girl lets be friends. Then she stopped talking to me because she only was interested in fwb/bf. She doesn't message me and knowing the rules I send her a text just to get her to think about me. Then she reiterates the rules and doesn't talk. Then I reach out again and she finally responds and I say don't talk to me... See that is what she is doing. 8.7.2
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 1, 2021 14:59:03 GMT
I get what you guys are saying and I took a hybrid nicer approach but in the end it just confirms she is "crazy" but now thinks she has the control.... weird stuff. Take a look at this - I texted her: "Obviously that was just for you... you know when I bought it and got you a part of island with a seashell. With the weather getting nice and things opening up perfect for drinks outside or hanging on the balcony and talking like adults. Let me know when you're ready to do that and have an amazing time ( but also apologize)." This was kind of a hybrid approach admittingly. But now look how she responded, totally in a "bitch" and "evil" way with no regard for feelings: "Flying banana - I just wanted to know bc I was curious about the past but I shouldn't have gone there. I'm never going back to you. I'm sorry if I misled you. I really really want you to move on. Maybe block my number or something, in case I feel the need to text you again. That's what I'm doing...not because I hate you but so you can move on." WTF?! LOL - she is the one who messaged me! Yet, she tried to walk all over me for responding to her question... Clearly, she is thinking in her head about me about not moving on etc., but I had completely ignored her and she initiated these texts.
8.7.2 No...this isn't a hybrid. This was the same thing that you were doing before. She has to apologize to you just to have a conversation with you. Pilgrim is right. Block her and delete. I'm trying to find where she was a bitch and evil in her message. She was actually being mature. You have such a passive aggressive way of communicating with these women it eliminates girls from coming back to you. I've had girls get tired of my commitment hangups but most of them come back at some point for another try. I don't put conditions for coming back and I don't put them down because they left. They just know that my stance hasn't changed about the titles and commitment. Maybe - but if she wanted it to work, she would apologize for blindsiding me out of blue. That said, I thought I left it kind of ambiguous meaning that we both can apologize for anything we did that wronged each other. I think her reaching out when she knew the rules is her being a bitch and evil. Trying to make me think about her and editorialize my gifts and how to perceive me in her mind. Weak minded, why should I help her decided how to see me in the book of guys she's been with? If I do not put conditions then it will lead to the same issues that started it. But if I am clear on my rules, maybe she doesn't want to change and therefore we will have the same issues. Or, maybe, she just wants to torture me by reminding me of her despite the fact that it was her who wanted it to end and I haven't begged her to stay? Need to remember born without her, million others like her. Her text was to get a response from me but as soon as I let my guard down a little she changed it into me fawning over her which isn't even true. Just getting my thoughts down on paper here. 8.7.2
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Post by JackZero on Apr 1, 2021 15:58:38 GMT
No...this isn't a hybrid. This was the same thing that you were doing before. She has to apologize to you just to have a conversation with you. Pilgrim is right. Block her and delete. I'm trying to find where she was a bitch and evil in her message. She was actually being mature. You have such a passive aggressive way of communicating with these women it eliminates girls from coming back to you. I've had girls get tired of my commitment hangups but most of them come back at some point for another try. I don't put conditions for coming back and I don't put them down because they left. They just know that my stance hasn't changed about the titles and commitment. Maybe - but if she wanted it to work, she would apologize for blindsiding me out of blue. That said, I thought I left it kind of ambiguous meaning that we both can apologize for anything we did that wronged each other. I think her reaching out when she knew the rules is her being a bitch and evil. Trying to make me think about her and editorialize my gifts and how to perceive me in her mind. Weak minded, why should I help her decided how to see me in the book of guys she's been with? If I do not put conditions then it will lead to the same issues that started it. But if I am clear on my rules, maybe she doesn't want to change and therefore we will have the same issues. Or, maybe, she just wants to torture me by reminding me of her despite the fact that it was her who wanted it to end and I haven't begged her to stay? Need to remember born without her, million others like her. Her text was to get a response from me but as soon as I let my guard down a little she changed it into me fawning over her which isn't even true. Just getting my thoughts down on paper here. 8.7.2 Can I remind you that you wrote this about her: 1. You were not blindsided. This wasn't out of the blue. You were given plenty of warning and you didn't do the things you needed to make her feel secure in where things were going. 2. From what you've described, you never mentioned you apologizing to her or mutual apologies. It was you demanding an apology from her along with a nice night. 3. You sent her a picture of an engagement ring that was for another woman and you wouldn't expect her to question any of your gifts to her? 4. You've been clear on your rules but your follow through to your rules is weak. Why are you responding after she violates your rules? 5. If you think she has a goal of torturing you, that is more reason for you to block her and delete her contact info. Honestly, this is only a big deal because you are making it bigger than it needs to be. She said that she would never be with you again...then it's done...no need to respond to anything else. You're acting like a victim when you are not and your ego is causing all of the problem. You list all of these things that she is "doing" to you but a majority of what is happening is caused by you and/or your supporting everything that is going on so this shit show can continue.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 1, 2021 16:53:48 GMT
Maybe - but if she wanted it to work, she would apologize for blindsiding me out of blue. That said, I thought I left it kind of ambiguous meaning that we both can apologize for anything we did that wronged each other. I think her reaching out when she knew the rules is her being a bitch and evil. Trying to make me think about her and editorialize my gifts and how to perceive me in her mind. Weak minded, why should I help her decided how to see me in the book of guys she's been with? If I do not put conditions then it will lead to the same issues that started it. But if I am clear on my rules, maybe she doesn't want to change and therefore we will have the same issues. Or, maybe, she just wants to torture me by reminding me of her despite the fact that it was her who wanted it to end and I haven't begged her to stay? Need to remember born without her, million others like her. Her text was to get a response from me but as soon as I let my guard down a little she changed it into me fawning over her which isn't even true. Just getting my thoughts down on paper here. 8.7.2 Can I remind you that you wrote this about her: 1. You were not blindsided. This wasn't out of the blue. You were given plenty of warning and you didn't do the things you needed to make her feel secure in where things were going. 2. From what you've described, you never mentioned you apologizing to her or mutual apologies. It was you demanding an apology from her along with a nice night. 3. You sent her a picture of an engagement ring that was for another woman and you wouldn't expect her to question any of your gifts to her? 4. You've been clear on your rules but your follow through to your rules is weak. Why are you responding after she violates your rules? 5. If you think she has a goal of torturing you, that is more reason for you to block her and delete her contact info. Honestly, this is only a big deal because you are making it bigger than it needs to be. She said that she would never be with you again...then it's done...no need to respond to anything else. You're acting like a victim when you are not and your ego is causing all of the problem. You list all of these things that she is "doing" to you but a majority of what is happening is caused by you and/or your supporting everything that is going on so this shit show can continue. Yeah - you are right. After yesterday's text it is clearly done, I am just not a fan of her reaching out if she did not see us talking things out. I was at peace with it being over. She reached out twice, 1x per week. Now I have to mentally make sure it is done, in my mind. 8.7.2
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