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Post by JackZero on Apr 1, 2021 17:09:03 GMT
Blah. Blah. Blah... Now I have to mentally make sure it is done, in my mind. 8.7.2
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Post by JackZero on Apr 1, 2021 17:13:05 GMT
By the way...you got some expert advice on the very first response after you started posting about this situation. This could have went a lot smoother. Move on from her. Sounds like she caught feelings but knew you'd never be exclusive just to her so has decided to move on.
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oneoff
MPUA Forum Enthusiast
Posts: 25
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Post by oneoff on Apr 1, 2021 18:49:18 GMT
Best book on rotations is the unchained man. It's on audible by blackdragon.
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 1, 2021 21:41:37 GMT
If you wanted to hang around with her, I don't understand why you were so patronising towards her; why would she want to hang around with you? You weren't pleasant, so this didn't appeal to her and so she cut you off. I don't even think she was unkind about it, certainly not evil lol. She gave you an honest and polite response. In future, please know there's no reason to be a dick to girls in messages unless she's really pissed you off. Either text pleasantly, or just ignore it as it will give you some wiggle room at a later juncture. Well, my thinking on it is a bit different. We were going well and out of the blue she told me how she was out, there were other guys talking to her, and then a couple days later after a nice night texted me a breakup text saying LJBF. At that point, the power is gone - I guess it depends what you want, do you value yourself? Do you want to be an emotional support dog? She went from being not confident at all to thinking she could do better. She made comments how the school I went to was bad according to her friend, etc. and stuff like that that she would randomly sprinkle in conversation. She called the $780 earrings I bought her cheap until I showed her a receipt. She created this whole image in her head where it is me begging her to hang and reach out. Reality is I went no contact and she reached out. The last text shows me that she in her head thinks I am missing her oh so much and that I am the one reaching out to her. She reached out to me. She's narrating the whole "relationship" mentally as a story, like the stuff she writes. That is why she wanted to know about the necklace. Some girls are just not all that nice. She told me stories how she spent a weekend with a guy and that he ghosted her completely in her past. To me, it seems she wants to get back at those types and by responding I gave her an opportunity to do so, mentally. Evil/bitchy how? Well, she is the one who ended it after saying how happy I made her. She is seeing other guys and texting me weeks after we ended it. She was the one when she ended things that wanted me to stay a friend. Yet, see how when I responded then she said to block her and let her go. She is trying to reframe it so it seems like I am the one wanting her when she is the one who keeps sending me these messages. Does that make sense? It is like if I told a girl lets be friends. Then she stopped talking to me because she only was interested in fwb/bf. She doesn't message me and knowing the rules I send her a text just to get her to think about me. Then she reiterates the rules and doesn't talk. Then I reach out again and she finally responds and I say don't talk to me... See that is what she is doing. 8.7.2 Okay if she's not nice as you put it in the first paragraph, why did you respond? If you don't like her, why engage her? If you do like her, why engage her like that? That doesn't sound evil tbh. Advocatus diaboli, if she is evil and bitchy this won't have been the first since you've known her, so again I don't see why to engage her.
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 1, 2021 22:03:15 GMT
So, another week gone by and she texted me again... she is clearly not respecting what I told her about not contacting me unless we are going to have a nice night. Remember, she is the one that LJBF’d me. Her last text last time was her promising I would never hear from her again. So today, I wake up to “I lied. There is something I want to know that I must ask you and please tell me the truth-there is nothing to be gained or lost. Did you buy the necklace just for me? Or was it something you made one of the others return. I only ask bc of the ring thing I know that wasn’t mine. But with this one I believe it was just for me. I know you still hate me but I finally went to Gyno and I don’t have any stds so you’re safe there.” Before things ended I told her it’s always good to check for STDs obviously and keep our fun safe. But funny, seems she can’t help but text me while at same time not respecting what I told her are the rules. Debating if I should respond, but the only way I want to talk to her is if she is willing to do fwb/relationship type thing. Just ignore? Or let her knw again that look I said not to contact me until willing to talk like adults? Tough one because she reaches out weekly now and it’s enough to linger/torture me. In short you keep setting yourself up, quipping she’s not respecting the boundary yet clearly you;’re engaging with her. I’ve been casually eyeing this post since last evening mostly out of boredom. Fortunately for you I can help and it doesn’t involve another 6+ pages of mental masturbation and lamenting bad choices. Indulge me with this little exercise: 1) Look at a picture of this girl standing a few feet away (or if on your phone, hold it at arms-length at about eye level or whatever height she’d be in relation to you if she were standing right before you. 2) Close an eye, and cover said eye with your hand gently so as to prevent any light to come through 3) Notice how your body reacts to your looking at the photo of her. Feel free to slowly lean toward, and then away from it, again noting any changes in your body’s reaction (e.g., change in breath, any stomach sensations such as knotted, tingly, ‘butterflies’, nausea etc), any tension in your body and so forth (without judging, just noticing). Also take note of any emotions tied to the experience of looking at her image 4) Switch eyes and do the same. 5) Report your findings here I am going to hypothesize you have a different experience of her depending on which eye you look through. You’re oscillating between these two experiences thereby feeling stuck, powerless, and unable to trust yourself regardless of ‘knowing better’. Go ahead and try it, I can explain things from there
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 2, 2021 14:51:35 GMT
Thanks N2, I will try this later. So I will be honest I have not blocked her yet because she said she was blocking me. I have not reached out in any way at all. Of course, she texts me again(!). Around 1am last night I get this: "I am temporarily unblocking you because I feel like maybe we need to talk again so you can move out of this denial. I'm never coming back, no matter what you do or say. I hate I hurt you but we weren't healthy, and I feel stronger now. I have to be the less-stable one in a relationship, and when I found out I wasn't that's when I knew I wasn't ready. I got a random text from someone that said "delivery" and the thought that you sent me something scared me. Accept that I'm not ever apologizing, I will not be in your future. We are each other's past and you need to realize that. One day you'll discover why and come to acceptance. I'll always wish you well but please realize I am your past. You're gonna grow up and find new friends in healthy relationships then you will find your own, with a woman who will give you everything you need to make you happy. But that woman is not me." OK so, first off I have not contacted her again at all since our last exchange you guys analyzed nor I have I sent anything. I consider this growth as in the two other longer relationships I actually did reach out and try to make things work i.e. 4.5 year girl I would send gifts and stuff. Seems to me that this writer girl internalized some of these stories, I think I mentioned that I had done stuff like that but I cannot remember for sure. Either way again she is reaching out and simultaneously projecting some weird image of me chasing her and trying to get her back when I am not. She keeps initiating. She keeps thinking I am missing her, etc. It is very interesting but also I noticed she made sure to put in there about the apology thing, as Jack pointed out. If she truly wants it to be done, why does she keep reaching out? It seems to me like previously in person, she cannot help but want to be around me (now talk to me) while saying she wants a nice guy who thinks she's a goddess (now saying she wants to be the less stable person in a relationship (WTF)). I did not respond to the text. I almost feel bad now if I don't since she wants to talk but what is the point?... Maybe she is just crazy. 8.7.3
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Post by JackZero on Apr 2, 2021 15:33:36 GMT
Thanks N2, I will try this later. So I will be honest I have not blocked her yet because she said she was blocking me. I have not reached out in any way at all. Of course, she texts me again(!). Around 1am last night I get this: "I am temporarily unblocking you because I feel like maybe we need to talk again so you can move out of this denial. I'm never coming back, no matter what you do or say. I hate I hurt you but we weren't healthy, and I feel stronger now. I have to be the less-stable one in a relationship, and when I found out I wasn't that's when I knew I wasn't ready. I got a random text from someone that said "delivery" and the thought that you sent me something scared me. Accept that I'm not ever apologizing, I will not be in your future. We are each other's past and you need to realize that. One day you'll discover why and come to acceptance. I'll always wish you well but please realize I am your past. You're gonna grow up and find new friends in healthy relationships then you will find your own, with a woman who will give you everything you need to make you happy. But that woman is not me." OK so, first off I have not contacted her again at all since our last exchange you guys analyzed nor I have I sent anything. I consider this growth as in the two other longer relationships I actually did reach out and try to make things work i.e. 4.5 year girl I would send gifts and stuff. Seems to me that this writer girl internalized some of these stories, I think I mentioned that I had done stuff like that but I cannot remember for sure. Either way again she is reaching out and simultaneously projecting some weird image of me chasing her and trying to get her back when I am not. She keeps initiating. She keeps thinking I am missing her, etc. It is very interesting but also I noticed she made sure to put in there about the apology thing, as Jack pointed out. If she truly wants it to be done, why does she keep reaching out? It seems to me like previously in person, she cannot help but want to be around me (now talk to me) while saying she wants a nice guy who thinks she's a goddess (now saying she wants to be the less stable person in a relationship (WTF)). I did not respond to the text. I almost feel bad now if I don't since she wants to talk but what is the point?... Maybe she is just crazy. 8.7.3 Answer this question for me: How much would any of that text have mattered if you blocked her as a few guys here and the girl in question suggested?
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 2, 2021 16:01:46 GMT
Thanks N2, I will try this later. So I will be honest I have not blocked her yet because she said she was blocking me. I have not reached out in any way at all. Of course, she texts me again(!). Around 1am last night I get this: "I am temporarily unblocking you because I feel like maybe we need to talk again so you can move out of this denial. I'm never coming back, no matter what you do or say. I hate I hurt you but we weren't healthy, and I feel stronger now. I have to be the less-stable one in a relationship, and when I found out I wasn't that's when I knew I wasn't ready. I got a random text from someone that said "delivery" and the thought that you sent me something scared me. Accept that I'm not ever apologizing, I will not be in your future. We are each other's past and you need to realize that. One day you'll discover why and come to acceptance. I'll always wish you well but please realize I am your past. You're gonna grow up and find new friends in healthy relationships then you will find your own, with a woman who will give you everything you need to make you happy. But that woman is not me." OK so, first off I have not contacted her again at all since our last exchange you guys analyzed nor I have I sent anything. I consider this growth as in the two other longer relationships I actually did reach out and try to make things work i.e. 4.5 year girl I would send gifts and stuff. Seems to me that this writer girl internalized some of these stories, I think I mentioned that I had done stuff like that but I cannot remember for sure. Either way again she is reaching out and simultaneously projecting some weird image of me chasing her and trying to get her back when I am not. She keeps initiating. She keeps thinking I am missing her, etc. It is very interesting but also I noticed she made sure to put in there about the apology thing, as Jack pointed out. If she truly wants it to be done, why does she keep reaching out? It seems to me like previously in person, she cannot help but want to be around me (now talk to me) while saying she wants a nice guy who thinks she's a goddess (now saying she wants to be the less stable person in a relationship (WTF)). I did not respond to the text. I almost feel bad now if I don't since she wants to talk but what is the point?... Maybe she is just crazy. 8.7.3 Until you try the instruction I gave above, all of this is a waste of time and mental energy. Test each eye to see which one you feel “bad” for her on.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 2, 2021 22:55:42 GMT
Thanks N2, I will try this later. So I will be honest I have not blocked her yet because she said she was blocking me. I have not reached out in any way at all. Of course, she texts me again(!). Around 1am last night I get this: "I am temporarily unblocking you because I feel like maybe we need to talk again so you can move out of this denial. I'm never coming back, no matter what you do or say. I hate I hurt you but we weren't healthy, and I feel stronger now. I have to be the less-stable one in a relationship, and when I found out I wasn't that's when I knew I wasn't ready. I got a random text from someone that said "delivery" and the thought that you sent me something scared me. Accept that I'm not ever apologizing, I will not be in your future. We are each other's past and you need to realize that. One day you'll discover why and come to acceptance. I'll always wish you well but please realize I am your past. You're gonna grow up and find new friends in healthy relationships then you will find your own, with a woman who will give you everything you need to make you happy. But that woman is not me." OK so, first off I have not contacted her again at all since our last exchange you guys analyzed nor I have I sent anything. I consider this growth as in the two other longer relationships I actually did reach out and try to make things work i.e. 4.5 year girl I would send gifts and stuff. Seems to me that this writer girl internalized some of these stories, I think I mentioned that I had done stuff like that but I cannot remember for sure. Either way again she is reaching out and simultaneously projecting some weird image of me chasing her and trying to get her back when I am not. She keeps initiating. She keeps thinking I am missing her, etc. It is very interesting but also I noticed she made sure to put in there about the apology thing, as Jack pointed out. If she truly wants it to be done, why does she keep reaching out? It seems to me like previously in person, she cannot help but want to be around me (now talk to me) while saying she wants a nice guy who thinks she's a goddess (now saying she wants to be the less stable person in a relationship (WTF)). I did not respond to the text. I almost feel bad now if I don't since she wants to talk but what is the point?... Maybe she is just crazy. 8.7.3 Until you try the instruction I gave above, all of this is a waste of time and mental energy. Test each eye to see which one you feel “bad” for her on. Ok - so in my left eye, I get almost a visceral disgust for her. My right eye is the one that feels kind of bad for her. 8.7.3
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 3, 2021 17:27:26 GMT
Well of course, she texted me again out of the blue. I have not responded to any. Now she wrote "It's not like this is easy for me!!! Being single sucks major ass. But so does having a boyfriend (LOL what?) who is mean to you and hates himself when all you wanna do is show him how loveable he is and what kind of friends he deserves. If I were to take you back you'd need to show me respect, ALL of my friends respect (remember she has that one friend who is totally manipulative and controlling), and open up to me about your family. We'd need a therapist and you'd need another positive influence in your life. Maybe in a couple years when I'm more mature we can try again. Just know I'm in as much pain as you are and I'll always love you." Followed by this "And I finally made it to the doctor I'm std free which means you are too in case you were wondering" -second time she has sent me something like that. So in her mind she is seeing this as some 1 on 1 type thing despite the fact I have not even responded to her. She is the one reaching out to me but saying it doesn't work. Guess you guys might of been right about it being the hailmary, but the way I see it is she is realizing she misses me a lot more than she thought. But I am not responding to her messages so she is getting more desperate to have me as part of her life. Mentally I have kind of turned her off in my mind. So while I did want her back and missed her not so sure. I think all stems from I do legit miss 4.5 year even after all of these other girls so far. 8.7.3
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 3, 2021 18:40:57 GMT
Until you try the instruction I gave above, all of this is a waste of time and mental energy. Test each eye to see which one you feel “bad” for her on. Ok - so in my left eye, I get almost a visceral disgust for her. My right eye is the one that feels kind of bad for her. 8.7.3 Good job. Weird, eh? I’ll explain. She isn’t the issue, nor is any woman. You’re oscillating between “disgust” and feeling “bad/sorry” for her and this is why you’re struggling. It’s a part of your psychological history (yes, that early childhood stuff) that has yet to be integrated. So when something elicits these feelings you bounce between em’ and get stuck. In short you’re the problem, not her. It’s these 2 different projections that in a sense are holding you hostage. Clear those, and this person means little and you can make better choices, definitive ones where you aren’t feeling so powerless. It’s the difference between a soft ‘no’, or a ‘stop’ and a hard “NO”, or a “STOP!”. The feeling sorry for her or “bad” part lets her in, the disgust part (which is probably more accurate and more indicative of the way you feel towards yourself and perhaps her behaviour as well) is more repelling. That said, when the feeling of sadness (for her) comes up, cover that eye and see if you get out of it (without trying to force anything, just be curious). You can use the ‘image’ of her to break the cycle if you’re willing to do the work. However, what I want you to try now is try moving toward and then away from the photo, and report back to me what comes up (much like the previous exercise only this time you are the one approaching rather than bringing it forward and away with your arm. *Ultimately what I want you to do is work with both eyes, switching, and also noticing if looking in a certain direction brings up a strong response. If say you look up and to the right, for example, amplifies things then work in that region. Do not stay in the feeling too long, just a few moments, and then switch noting the sensation as the feeling(s) transition to the next. Do that a few times, particularly when the feelings of disgust and sad come up in you. Practice this a bit here and there through the day. Over time it will become less and less and you will feel a greater sense of control. We call this state integration - it’s just a part of your previous experience that has yet to be processed (we often go to the mind to resolve such matters but logic itself can’t clear this phenomenon, instead we just learn to avoid/distract).
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Post by pilgrimmeister on Apr 4, 2021 9:44:12 GMT
Well of course, she texted me again out of the blue. I have not responded to any. Now she wrote "It's not like this is easy for me!!! Being single sucks major ass. But so does having a boyfriend (LOL what?) who is mean to you and hates himself when all you wanna do is show him how loveable he is and what kind of friends he deserves. If I were to take you back you'd need to show me respect, ALL of my friends respect (remember she has that one friend who is totally manipulative and controlling), and open up to me about your family. We'd need a therapist and you'd need another positive influence in your life. Maybe in a couple years when I'm more mature we can try again. Just know I'm in as much pain as you are and I'll always love you." Followed by this "And I finally made it to the doctor I'm std free which means you are too in case you were wondering" -second time she has sent me something like that. So in her mind she is seeing this as some 1 on 1 type thing despite the fact I have not even responded to her. She is the one reaching out to me but saying it doesn't work. Guess you guys might of been right about it being the hailmary, but the way I see it is she is realizing she misses me a lot more than she thought. But I am not responding to her messages so she is getting more desperate to have me as part of her life. Mentally I have kind of turned her off in my mind. So while I did want her back and missed her not so sure. I think all stems from I do legit miss 4.5 year even after all of these other girls so far. 8.7.3 BLOCK HER, and all this will go away. If she had the option she would invite you out for a day, while she sticks her tounge down her new boyfriends throat infront of you, just to make you jealous. Ignoring her is not enough, she will keep reaching out, but not because she wants you back, but becuase she wants to rub your face in it. So BLOCK. But, she has also realised that she is more emotionally stable than you are, therefore more dominant, more alpha, and that she needs (or has) someone more alpha than her to keep the balance.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 4, 2021 16:56:08 GMT
Well of course, she texted me again out of the blue. I have not responded to any. Now she wrote "It's not like this is easy for me!!! Being single sucks major ass. But so does having a boyfriend (LOL what?) who is mean to you and hates himself when all you wanna do is show him how loveable he is and what kind of friends he deserves. If I were to take you back you'd need to show me respect, ALL of my friends respect (remember she has that one friend who is totally manipulative and controlling), and open up to me about your family. We'd need a therapist and you'd need another positive influence in your life. Maybe in a couple years when I'm more mature we can try again. Just know I'm in as much pain as you are and I'll always love you." Followed by this "And I finally made it to the doctor I'm std free which means you are too in case you were wondering" -second time she has sent me something like that. So in her mind she is seeing this as some 1 on 1 type thing despite the fact I have not even responded to her. She is the one reaching out to me but saying it doesn't work. Guess you guys might of been right about it being the hailmary, but the way I see it is she is realizing she misses me a lot more than she thought. But I am not responding to her messages so she is getting more desperate to have me as part of her life. Mentally I have kind of turned her off in my mind. So while I did want her back and missed her not so sure. I think all stems from I do legit miss 4.5 year even after all of these other girls so far. 8.7.3 BLOCK HER, and all this will go away. If she had the option she would invite you out for a day, while she sticks her tounge down her new boyfriends throat infront of you, just to make you jealous. Ignoring her is not enough, she will keep reaching out, but not because she wants you back, but becuase she wants to rub your face in it. So BLOCK. But, she has also realised that she is more emotionally stable than you are, therefore more dominant, more alpha, and that she needs (or has) someone more alpha than her to keep the balance. N2, I will try that later. Ha man, now she won't leave me alone. I am thinking of doing the total block but was giving her a chance. Ha so again I ignored her and she CALLED ME last night! I missed the call it was like 2am. But, she texted after I missed the call - she sent a picture of herself... than wrote "You're too late! I finally found a guy I trusted enough to let in my bedroom. I have higher standards now because of you the man had to care about me. One that didn't drink and lifted me up like a princess - I'm skinnier now. Now I know what I was missing with us. I'm not gonna marry him or anything but I am so happy! I know I'm just being a bitch right now but you kinda deserve it for taking me for granted, and I still love you which is stupid as fuck. But who knows maybe youll learn." Then another one "I'll take a few screenshots of the craziest texts you sent to remind myself why I don't need you then I'll delete your number." So to the people who thought she's not being bitchy and being mature, she still knows the price and if she doesn't want to pay it why is she texting and calling me? This seems to me something all in her own mind, she's regretting ending it with me but also is realizing other guys aren't living up to her expectations. She is trying to rub in my face that she's seeing other guys and yet saying she misses me. She is making comments like I took her for granted and telling me maybe I will learn. Completely contradictory statements, but this is how some women think. I have stood my ground now and she is trying everything she can to get me back....but she is the one who ended it. 8.7.3
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:01:10 GMT
BLOCK HER, and all this will go away. If she had the option she would invite you out for a day, while she sticks her tounge down her new boyfriends throat infront of you, just to make you jealous. Ignoring her is not enough, she will keep reaching out, but not because she wants you back, but becuase she wants to rub your face in it. So BLOCK. But, she has also realised that she is more emotionally stable than you are, therefore more dominant, more alpha, and that she needs (or has) someone more alpha than her to keep the balance. N2, I will try that later. Ha man, now she won't leave me alone. I am thinking of doing the total block but was giving her a chance. Ha so again I ignored her and she CALLED ME last night! I missed the call it was like 2am. But, she texted after I missed the call - she sent a picture of herself... than wrote "You're too late! I finally found a guy I trusted enough to let in my bedroom. I have higher standards now because of you the man had to care about me. One that didn't drink and lifted me up like a princess - I'm skinnier now. Now I know what I was missing with us. I'm not gonna marry him or anything but I am so happy! I know I'm just being a bitch right now but you kinda deserve it for taking me for granted, and I still love you which is stupid as fuck. But who knows maybe youll learn." Then another one "I'll take a few screenshots of the craziest texts you sent to remind myself why I don't need you then I'll delete your number." So to the people who thought she's not being bitchy and being mature, she still knows the price and if she doesn't want to pay it why is she texting and calling me? This seems to me something all in her own mind, she's regretting ending it with me but also is realizing other guys aren't living up to her expectations. She is trying to rub in my face that she's seeing other guys and yet saying she misses me. She is making comments like I took her for granted and telling me maybe I will learn. Completely contradictory statements, but this is how some women think. I have stood my ground now and she is trying everything she can to get me back....but she is the one who ended it. 8.7.3 You’re still not getting it and playing your part in this play. You laugh at her but you’re in this even worse as you try to make sense of it and someone who is probably borderline. All we are doing in reading yours posts is watching a guy engaged in addictive clinging behaviour. You’re trapped and you aren’t even able to see the forest for the trees. You’re in the forest itself Nobody can help you but you. So much wasted energy on this.
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Post by curtis72 on Apr 4, 2021 17:21:55 GMT
BLOCK HER, and all this will go away. If she had the option she would invite you out for a day, while she sticks her tounge down her new boyfriends throat infront of you, just to make you jealous. Ignoring her is not enough, she will keep reaching out, but not because she wants you back, but becuase she wants to rub your face in it. So BLOCK. But, she has also realised that she is more emotionally stable than you are, therefore more dominant, more alpha, and that she needs (or has) someone more alpha than her to keep the balance. N2, I will try that later. Ha man, now she won't leave me alone. I am thinking of doing the total block but was giving her a chance. Ha so again I ignored her and she CALLED ME last night! I missed the call it was like 2am. But, she texted after I missed the call - she sent a picture of herself... than wrote "You're too late! I finally found a guy I trusted enough to let in my bedroom. I have higher standards now because of you the man had to care about me. One that didn't drink and lifted me up like a princess - I'm skinnier now. Now I know what I was missing with us. I'm not gonna marry him or anything but I am so happy! I know I'm just being a bitch right now but you kinda deserve it for taking me for granted, and I still love you which is stupid as fuck. But who knows maybe youll learn." Then another one "I'll take a few screenshots of the craziest texts you sent to remind myself why I don't need you then I'll delete your number." So to the people who thought she's not being bitchy and being mature, she still knows the price and if she doesn't want to pay it why is she texting and calling me? This seems to me something all in her own mind, she's regretting ending it with me but also is realizing other guys aren't living up to her expectations. She is trying to rub in my face that she's seeing other guys and yet saying she misses me. She is making comments like I took her for granted and telling me maybe I will learn. Completely contradictory statements, but this is how some women think. I have stood my ground now and she is trying everything she can to get me back....but she is the one who ended it. 8.7.3 what exactly are you getting out of this? You're not blocking her as was suggested, so there must be something.
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