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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:26:03 GMT
^^hes not getting anything out if it whatsoever it’s just his attachment cycle playing out. The girl is simply a target. Likely he’s been in this situation before with other women, to some degree.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 4, 2021 17:26:08 GMT
Well, because before it got like this she was actually pretty cool (most of the time) and I did enjoy seeing her. I mean things weren't all that bad before she ended things. My mind changed about her when she LJBF'd me and I kind of mentally ended it in my own mind but left the door open if she were to play by the rules. Now she is reaching out in a passive aggressive way. So I guess for me part of it is I am still scarred by 4.5 leaving and now that a door is open with this one, maybe I don't want to let it close too easily. I guess another part is I actually miss her and like her but have convinced myself that I don't since I haven't seen her. I mean she is telling me she loves me and stuff...so it isn't as easy as it seems. N2, exactly re other situations similar. And, now, I miss her dearly (4.5) - so why make the same mistake so easily... 8.7.3
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:28:34 GMT
“ Symptoms Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.
Signs and symptoms may include:
An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety Ongoing feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights”
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:32:38 GMT
As noted above she likely has BPD.
I have BPD clients, lovely people but you do not want to be in a rel with any of them.
You pull she pushes, you push she pulls. This is a very caustic and destructive pattern you’re embarking upon. I suggest you check yourself before you make another move.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 4, 2021 17:33:15 GMT
“ Symptoms Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave. Signs and symptoms may include: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety Ongoing feelings of emptiness Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights” Based on her texts and the vacillations on how she feels towards, I am starting to think you are right. Or, maybe it really was the hailmary and she expected me to grovel and now that she is seeing she is not enjoying banging all these other guys, she misses me. I mean her own words - guy in her bedroom (implying fucking him) and is so good, yet at same time saying but still loves me... hard to make sense of that one. 8.7.3
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:35:03 GMT
Let’s say it was a Hail Mary (which I am certain it’s not), wtf would you want someone who will resort for a to that when triggered? Imagine you had kids with her...
How is that even slightly permissible as adult behaviour? What sort of fucked up weirdo says they’re fucking someone else to get an ex they dumped back? LOL give your head a shake. It’s that “I:don’t want you but nobody else can have you so I can feel some level of security” chestnut
Hard to love others when you hate yourself.
Keep going see how it unfolds...it won’t be pretty.
You refuse to do the work so we can’t help and instead succumb to your impulses over and over. We’re just watching you drown until you decide swim and pull yourself out.
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Post by flyingbanana on Apr 4, 2021 17:45:32 GMT
Let’s say it was a Hail Mary (which I am certain it’s not), wtf would you want someone who will resort for a to that when triggered? Imagine you had kids with her... How is that even slightly permissible as adult behaviour? What sort of fucked up weirdo says they’re fucking someone else to get an ex they dumped back? LOL give your head a shake. Hard to love others when you hate yourself. Keep going see how it unfolds...it won’t be pretty. You refuse to do the work so we can’t help and instead succumb to your impulses over and over No you are right, I will do the work. But ultimately, I know she is triggering emotions based on what I had told her about my ex. Deep down inside I do miss the 4.5 year one. It just is the way it is. Until I find someone who fulfills me the way 4.5 did, maybe I am seeking out these types/like it as a type of punishment to myself that gets me excited. Now that my roladex of ladies is much larger, I realize that 4.5 actually treated me better than anyone and actually was more than just a bang. In the two deeper relationships since (if you consider writer girl one), they have both played on my desire to be with 4.5. Almost a much shorter cycle of the whole thing with her. Both have been intensely passionate and wanted to make me happy while also telling me all kinds of nice things about me, but both have petered out after a few months. Very strange. 8.7.3
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Post by N2thevoid on Apr 4, 2021 17:46:41 GMT
Let’s say it was a Hail Mary (which I am certain it’s not), wtf would you want someone who will resort for a to that when triggered? Imagine you had kids with her... How is that even slightly permissible as adult behaviour? What sort of fucked up weirdo says they’re fucking someone else to get an ex they dumped back? LOL give your head a shake. Hard to love others when you hate yourself. Keep going see how it unfolds...it won’t be pretty. You refuse to do the work so we can’t help and instead succumb to your impulses over and over No you are right, I will do the work. But ultimately, I know she is triggering emotions based on what I had told her about my ex. Deep down inside I do miss the 4.5 year one. It just is the way it is. Until I find someone who fulfills me the way 4.5 did, maybe I am seeking out these types/like it as a type of punishment to myself that gets me excited. Now that my roladex of ladies is much larger, I realize that 4.5 actually treated me better than anyone and actually was more than just a bang. In the two deeper relationships since (if you consider writer girl one), they have both played on my desire to be with 4.5. Almost a much shorter cycle of the whole thing with her. Both have been intensely passionate and wanted to make me happy while also telling me all kinds of nice things about me, but both have petered out after a few months. Very strange. 8.7.3 Go do the second exercise I posted earlier and report back.
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